Post-nuptial shutoff?

Nice link. Article probably speaks more about what some women actually have to offer... very little.

or, it could be just as much about what men appear to NOT offer:

"Nearly half of the women, or 48 percent, taking part in the survey by consumer products giant Unilever said their favorite article of clothing was more reliable than their man in giving them confidence and making them feel sexy."

My wife takes three medications and all their side effects are "decreased sexual drive". After the first year she wasn't that interested anyway. I haven't got a chance! It makes no difference if I shower her with kisses, flowers, help around the house, the well is dry! It will be a year this March. She honestly doesn't mind. I'm tired of asking. I have gotten to the point where I avoid the subject all together, got a separate bedroom, and only touch her when I have to. Life seems cruel sometimes. I guess I'm stuck with a roommate rather than a sexual partner. For years I gave her romance, flirting and all that with no sexual outcome. I only give her enough now so she won't divorce me.

It seems that, for whatever reason, women's interest in sex over time decreases, and decreases dramatically after marriage. I am afraid of even "shacking up" with my current gf for fear things will get stale, etc. It will turn more into a place to sleep rather than before , having been a place to have some fun followed by sleep. I showed her this thread, and the overall pessimism towards marriage. I still think that years into the marriage, sex will become less prominent and eventually I may seek resentment and get irritated to the point where everyday life becomes a chore and I don't enjoy her company anymore. The thing though is that the wife will not know the reason behind my distant behavior, and she will become a b1tch to me. So even if I brought the topic of sex up, she may think I am shallow and using her as a sex toy. If women's orgasms are more intense than men, why do they choose to suppress their sexual side, or why does it go to the wayside later on? many questions to be answered...

I haven't and don't want to read this thread from whinning beginning to sob story end. So, I'll make it simply.

WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT THAN MEN.

SO, as a man, you have to understand what your getting yourself into, whether that be the old skin flute or the crazy bang bang every night from the holiest of holy's.

I have been married for 25 years. The last 19 or so have been all work for her 97% and in return, sex 3%. If I act aggressive I'm a dog but it is ok for her to shut down. I know why men have affairs. I don't want to be unfaithful but she makes it d#*m hard. We live in such a feminized society that makes men out to be stupid with only one thing on their minds. I don't buy this any more, I can't help the testoserone pumping through me every day. You wonder why the divorce rate is so high! I've gotten used to the once a year obligation but I just wish she wouldn't say "What, again?"

She has you by the balls and she knows it. You represent stability for her. The way to shake things up and get your way is to systematically remove all of the stability.

Start treating her like crap, forget her birthday, sit around all day in your boxers, don't do any chores whatsoever, look out for yourself only. Talk about changing careers sometimes.

She will get the message and will be forced to make her own adjustments.

This goes for you too, LongTimer.

We all know that women are different than men, but maybe you all should know that: MEN ARE DIFFERENT FROM WOMEN.

We like sex. A lot. And that is not a bad thing. I am interested in other girls besides my girlfriend, meaning I would cheat on her if I could do it and not get caught. I haven't had the chance yet, but I would take it if it came... and this doesn't mean I don't love her. I love her completely.... so do you know why I would cheat on her?

A: She shut me down on sex. It no longer matters if I am in the mood or not. It is all on her terms. If I am the complete gentleman, or if I am a beer-drinking asshole, it makes no difference as to when I get some. None. And if I push it, if I ask, then I am an asshole. If she gives in to my desires once in a while, then I hear about it later how I forced her in to it. Great, that's all I need to feel like, some rapist. Whenever she says that I just want to scream at her, that me wanting sex more than once every two or three weeks is not demanding at all.

Women just don't get it. If my girl would have sex with me once every few days then I would never in my wildest dreams think about cheating on her. I think lots of guys are like me. As long as we're getting some, we don't care about others as much. Some guy who posted earlier made the best point, that he feels more loving towards his wife if they've had a lot of sex lately. This is true. When I have had a lot of sex with my girl I feel so much more attracted to her emotionally, and I am much more willing to do the little things for her. When the well runs dry, I tend to focus more on her personality nuances that I don't like all that much.

Women today have been taught that sex is a bad thing, and that men are nothing but sexual predators. So they repress all natural notions that sex is a good thing and instead they label men and their sex drives as "bad." And yet, paridoxically, women are obsessed with appearance and with looking "sexy." What is the point of looking sexy if you don't want to have sex?

I know that guys are not perfect, but, honestly, women are just as messed up when it comes to how they see guys and what they believe guys should do. Guess what, I don't want to keep the house clean all of the time, I don't care about the color of the living room, and I really don't care if my sheets all match. BUT, I go along with these things because my girl wants me to. And I don't care, really, because it is important to her. When the well runs dry, though, I tend to watch more tv and to do more "guy" things. If she doesn't give me any ME time, then I'm going to make my own. SO, when it comes to the flip side, girls, you should really consider giving it up a little more. Guaranteed, your man will treat you better than ever, and he will get around to fixing that leaky faucet much much sooner.

So true "joshua tree for free". You speak the truth. If we are seen as sexual preditors then the women never have to change. They don't even know that they are being selfish.

A man should NEVER get married. As long as you have a very good income and are halfway personable and adequate looking, you will always have hot women flocking to you because in America all they really care about is your money and what their friends think of them. Use them for some good sex and entertaining company, don't get very attached, and DON'T knock her up or you're fukked. Send her packing when she tries to sink her meathooks into you. Repeat. Make sure you have plenty of protection because most women DO want that condom to break. That's a fat paycheck out of you for life and they get to nuture a kid which is their wet dream. If they get preggers and you have a decent income, they have GOT you right where they want you, which is over a barrel. DON'T get married fellas.

In my 40's, recently divorced, father of 3. After reading this thread I am so glad my nightmare is over. I was very hurt she wanted a divorce but looking back it was a horrible, empty life I was living. It was a sexless, empty marriage. Even our friendship died. To all you young people be very careful about who you choose to marry. A failed marriage is very painful, especially with kids involved. I made the mistake of choosing my spouse in a large part based on how good the sex was before we married. Without the sex is she the kind of person you could stay with forever? Women use their sex to control us poor stupid men. There are some (not all) very evil women with poor values. They are the devil....beware.

Mr. "Cynicism" speaks the truth. I wish to God that I had read this post back in 1990.

This is the crux of this entire thread - right here in his brilliant post.

It is the truest thing I have ever read. God have mercy on my married, twisted, sex-deprived soul.

The End.

Being gay sucks (higher risk of getting HIV, hard to find a relationship), but at least we gay guys don't put up with the "not tonight, I have a headache" routine. This thread makes me wonder why gay guys are so eager to be able to get married. I had heard about the whole no-sex-after-marriage thing, but I honestly had no idea it was this bad for so many married straight guys.

I'm in my late 30s and want sex about 5-6 times a week. I recently left a long-term relationship with a guy who was only willing once or twice a week (not enough for me). I don't understand why so many guys here are willing to accept a partner who won't put out. Life is short and it's OKAY to make a happy sex life one of your priorities. And please, don't have kids with a woman who is already reluctant in the bedroom. That's like handcuffing yourself to a sinking ship. (And unfortunately there's nothing kinky about those kinds of handcuffs.)

In your next lifetime, be sure to get a Pre-Nuptual agreement and the wife won't be able to take you to the cleaners.

In this lifetime tell her she is tacitly contributing to potential prostate disease/cancer because you are not cleaning your pipes as often as a healthy man should.

Go to

www.blowmeuptom.com

(Los Angeles talk show DJ Tom Leykis) for a wealth of information on what to do (or not to do) for a man in your shoes and from a man's perspective.

There's almost too much to say about this. Here's one idea I haven't seen on this thread:

A married man's manifesto:

Someone asked why women dress 'sexy' if they aren't interested in sex. The answer is that women compete - and dress - with each other in mind first and men only as a prize. (Why sexy clothes are more important to them than a sexy partner) As a quick example women often refer to a guy as 'desirable'. That is, not desired by them - or anybody possibly. Once they marry you, they've won; they've beaten all the other women. For women, marriage constitutes a conquest, and, like many men, once they've accomplished it they're no longer interested in it or doing all the things necessary to get it - like sex. You're going to be relegated to a trophy on the wall or a tool used primarily to impress other women. This is why men are much more enthusiastically pressed into household service than marital service - the nicer house equals the better woman. It's not that they don't like sex, or want it or need it, but it's as we long-time marrieds know that they've moved on to other ways of besting other women. If they need sex badly enough, they'll give in, but it will probably just be physical which runs contrary to the fairy tale they've been told all their lives which makes them only resent you and your sexual demands all the more. More likely, if they're still semi-attractive- they'll step out on you. Don't think it's happening to you? stop kidding yourself. ( I don't, but, wouldn't be surprised it she was - at all)

How do you remedy this? This is what I've taken to doing lately, with some very good results: Find a woman or two - probably married or recently divorced - that you like or have even a little chemistry with (women can smell this even better than we..) and flirt, flirt, flirt. Make no secret about it, but be somewhat circumspect, subtle. This is how women fight socially, it's what they're still vulnerabe to - because they respect it and because another woman might be taking their trophy.

I've been doing this lately and it's working - great! If I might be leaving for another woman who will have me, then I'm desirable and worth figthting for including sexually. Does it make the relationship more insecure? Not, I think, more than it was before.

Even if it doesn't work, you'll probably get to bag the woman you're flirting with. Hear-tell the sex of such illicit unions will be hotter than maybe anything you've ever had. Women climax many times more often with their lovers than with their partners. And, if she doesn't care, than you haven't risked anything: Men, you have nothing more to lose than your misery...

where are you going with this? You lost me...

What about JZS and Sarah? What is the status of their post-nuptial coitis? Have you ever been in love? Many of the men on here have and found out that it is a cruel bitch.

hmmm.... wrote:

or, it could be just as much about what men appear to NOT offer:

"Nearly half of the women, or 48 percent, taking part in the survey by consumer products giant Unilever said their favorite article of clothing was more reliable than their man in giving them confidence and making them feel sexy."

This article is about miserable, materialistic women. How is it that another person, the man in this case, responsible for anothers "confidence" or "feeling sexy"? These women don't feel confident and sexy mostly because their behavior is focused on material things, rather than taking care of their own physical and/or emotional health. Having a healthy relationship has simply become out of reach for many people (women and men), blaming the "other", or projecting ones insecurities about relationships is just another symptom of dysfuncional people in a dysfunctional culture.