MaLinnaean System of Athlete Classification
SUPERSTAR: I think that we would all agree on what a SUPERSTAR is.
He/she is an athlete (always American) who has won a gold medal, world
championship or has set a world record. SUPERSTARS get a lot of airtime
from the networks during the Olympic Games. SUPERSTARS are shown
competing in slow-motion many, many times. SUPERSTARS are also shown in
even slower-motion, with their cheeks jiggling and eyes bulging, because
that's what the network suits are convinced that the masses want. Just
once I'd like to see the replays in real time, or better yet,
ffsfassfst-motion! Like, how about showing us what an 8.79 looks like? I
just can't get enough of the SUPERSTARS-in-the-stands-as-spectators, the
SUPERSTARS-shopping-for-crystal, and the
SUPERSTARS-not-knowing-the-words-to-the-National-Anthem shots! I'm
always fooled by the SUPERSTARS-with-tears-of-joy stuff, as well! Gets
me every time. Amazing what those make-up artists can do. It almost
looks real! SUPERSTARS are the ones that break the meet budgets and are
happy about it until they drop down to the next level - the WORLD CLASS.
It's only then that they ingratiate themselves with the other athletes
and take up such causes as fairer athlete compensation.
WORLD CLASS: means world-ranked (top 10), or an Olympic or World
Championship finalist. It also can mean anyone who has a realistic
chance of being world-ranked, which would probably mean top 20 in the
world. The WORLD CLASS never even think that making an "A" standard is
an issue, because it's not. The "A" standards are far below their
minimum expectations.
Side Note: You will never hear the WORLD CLASS complaining about the
weather conditions, site selection, or other extraneous issues. They
just don't have the time to whine.
INTERNATIONAL CLASS: A step below the WORLD CLASS, these athletes,
mostly National Champions, certainly make the 'A' standards, although
every now and then one or two of them will miss. This can be a very
tough level, as they are not guaranteed entrance into every competition
in Europe. Many of them, when not running in the 'B' races, can make a
good living serving as 'rabbits' in the 'A' races. You will find them
everywhere in the 'second tier' competitions all around Europe. Again,
the INTERNATIONAL CLASS has it the toughest, with the WORLD CLASS
keeping them in their place from above, and the NATIONAL CLASS biting at
their ankles from below.
NATIONAL CLASS: are those that are finalists in the National
Championship meets (NCAA, USATF). The NATIONAL CLASS wastes no effort
thinking about making the qualifying or 'provisional' qualifying marks
for the National Championships. They will be there. On the other hand,
they do think a lot about Olympic or World Championships qualifying
marks, and to get them they will often pay their way to Europe for the
chance to race against the INTERNATIONAL CLASS in those 'second tier'
competitions. They, too, get a lot of gigs as 'rabbits'.
REGIONAL CLASS: are all athletes who are competitive in their Conference
Championships and who qualify for the National Championships. Their main
focus is on getting that 'provisional' mark and if all goes well, the
'automatic' qualifier. It's a victory in itself to make it to the
National Championships, so most are not discouraged by failing to make
it to the finals when they get there.
RECREATIONAL RACERS: Made the team in high school. They compete in
summer all-comers meets, masters events, and road races. These are your
club athletes.
LOCAL YOKELS: They're easy to spot. They are the ones with the latest
and greatest shoes and apparel. They memorize RUNNERS WORLD page by
page, and should you ever ask, they'll tell you that everyone who runs
faster than they do, does not know how to train. The only difference
between the LOCAL YOKEL and the WORLD CLASS is, in their minds,
'talent'. They are frequently the victims of the 'less is more'
snake-oil salesmen. They worry a lot about 'over-training'.
THE HUDDLED MASSES: SLOGGERS coached by Jeff Galloway and Oprah.
PENGUINS: Since I don't read RUNNERS WORLD I'm not quite sure what that
is. Nor do I care.
So there you have it, the Malmo Caste System. If you don't like it then
make up your own damn system! I like mine!
It should be noted that all of the classes are in a dynamic flux.
Athletes can move freely between the classes and there is a half-life
buffer that stops a freefall from the upper classes to the lower ones--
except for the Superstars. Once a Superstar, always a Superstar.