I need to talk to my girlfriend about her bad finances and would like some advice.

Frugal Guy wrote:

SDSU Aztec wrote:

You cite three deal breakers: she's financially irresponsible, doesn't want children and is moody, but your thread is about the money. What advice are you looking for?

I never said not wanting kids is a deal breaker. Not sure where you got that.

All women are moody at different times of the month. Woman having woman-hormones is not a dealbreaker.

Check the tail end of #3. I was referring to you marrying her rather than just breaking up.

Ask her

What is your goal?

How much do you want it?

-Dan Gable

Also, the idea of "I would not marry most women, just because I make so much money" is interesting. I think it's a unique enough thought that most would probably share this information with their partner in the first 8 months. It seems you just assume she knows that you have no interest in marrying her?

This thread is useless without tax returns.

I have seen a lot of marriages fall apart over money issues. The bread winner does well but is very tight with money. The spouse likes to spend spend spend and has no ability to budget and poor self control. The bread winner puts the spouse on a budget that is always way too restrictive. The spouse resents it as being controlling and cruel given the good finances. The spouse doesn't want to get it on when the bread winner is cheap and someone finds someone else to smash with.

The best you can do is contain a big spender and hope that you can figure out why material things are so important and find a substitute that is more affordable.

Look, fights about finances are the most frequent cause of divorce. And more than that, since you have good financial habits, you cannot, and I mean cannot continue with this woman (she is living with you) unless you are in written agreement on finances. That means a budget and commitment to stick to it, and a commitment to savings. She could ruin your life, and don't kid yourself about this. Dave Ramsey is not everyone's cup of tea because of his Christian worldview (me included) but his teachings on personal finance, perhaps imperfect, provide great structure in which to lead a life, either on your own or with someone else. He teaches to have a six month emergency fund, among other things, and to view debt (other than a reasonable mortgage) as something to avoid. Condition your living together on taking his Financial Peace University or a similar course if the religious overtones are not to your liking (you can frankly ignore them and get a lot of value out of FPU).

And your comment about not finding someone similar in terms of treating money well is foolish. There are plenty of women out there who are financially responsible and have a future time orientation, and you should value those traits when you meet them. While I am financially reasonable and do a good job with boundaries, my wife is frankly frugal. Now that is a good thing, but we come to agreement on what we should spend on, meaning we do spend on things from time to time she would not. I learned not to be defensive, as she always gets me to save 20 thousand or so a year more than I planned (and in return, she understands I am not going to invest it in CD's but in a diversified portfolio with some risk). Adults make agreements, and stick to them. And it works - we have no debt of any kind whatsoever.

If you love her don't ever leave her.

Strike a deal with her. Agree on a fixed amount she can spend as she likes. Have the rest put away to a a savings account in your control. Even though you concider it a waist, she might concider it freedom. Happy wife - happy life.

If you are serious about this person as in a relationship with this woman , it is very important that you settle this difference before making any long-term commitments. I know that some of the guys here say that she wont change, but maybe she just doesn't have the tools/knowledge. Most people I know that are financially responsible were taught to be from a young age. My family has always been on the frugal side and I was taught money management skills from my childhood (starting with allowance). As a result, I have never had a credit card balance not paid off at the end of the month, my only debt is my mortgage and a car loan (the car loan interest rate is 1.99%).

Honestly, when I speak to people who are spenders vs. those who are savers, the common denominator is what they were taught by their parents. Money management is a skill just like any other that can be learned. I have a friend who married someone who was a spender and in debt (student loans, credit cards, etc.). He is the sort of guy who likes his tools and toys. Anyway, before they even committed to getting married, they went to financial counseling together. They found someone to lay it all on the line. What kind of money they would need for children, home, retirement, etc. Personally, I think everyone getting married should do something similar, but especially if one is having concerns so early in the relationship. It is not going to get better without some intervention.

Be smart and get an ironclad prenup if you marry her.

Seems pretty obvious to me, move on. Similar values are the most important thing in a relationship. Although frugality (or income, wealth, etc) is not directly a value it is likely determined by ones values. It appears you two have different values and therefore will eventually have a failed relationship. Go find a runner.

It also sounds like we have different values so maybe im not the best help. I do know I have a very hard time understanding how people can be fiscally irresponsible(a flaw of mine), and therefore do not sympathize with it very well.

Ages would also be helpful, sounds like you two are in your early 30s. Little more specific on how deep in debt she is in would also help. Try to understand the rational on the money spending. In general I believe excessive spending is immature, superficial or ego related, all bad qualities.

Sorry, the very first thing you said was your age. Her age is relevant also. But I will assume its similar to yours. You are correct in that it will likely not be easy. Best you can do is try to find out her rational/thinking on income, saving, investing, spending, long term thinking. Maybe you can come at it from the angle of long term plans.

-RS (ps I don't want to sound like I have it all together financially, I have it mostly together but know I do not handle my finances perfectly for the longterm. I'm somewhere in between you and her, closer to you)

Best of Luck of course, maybe update us when you inevitably have that conversation.

So, you're a cheapskate and she's a spendthrift?

Answer: Get rid of the spendthrift gf and find yourself a cheapskate girlfriend and live happily ever after.

Need pics before we can decide anything.

Second Opinion wrote:

You and your girlfriend have diametrically opposite views on two of probably the most important issues a couple faces - money and whether to have kids. Those are two massive, likely insurmountable obstacles to overcome. Even if you could reach an agreement on them, you’d probably both be resentful of each other for having to change your mind on two such fundamental issues.

If she’s beautiful, sexy, funny, etc. and you have no intention to marry her, then just enjoy the relationship for what it is and stop worrying about the money issue. But if she’s signaled an interest in a more serious long-term relationship/marriage, then I’d put the money and baby issues on the table right away to minimize wasting both of your time and the additional heartache dragging out an incompatible relationship causes. Good luck.

+1

Spendthrifts consider themselves to be generous and consider frugal people to be selfish. Saving and living below your means are selfless traits. The 2 types of personalities will have a tough time.

Financial incompatibility is as important as any other type of incompatibility. Break up and move out now. Full stop.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you too, bruh.

?

Here's what I'm thinking (and I've never had this problem so you probably shouldn't listen to me):

Keep your finances separate. Help her set up a retirement account so she starts putting away some money.

If you get married, sign a prenup.

I have to say though that it doesn't sound like she's really wasting her money. She spends it on rent and dogs. Big deal. It's not like she's blowing thousands of dollars on shoes and jewelry. She's probably bad at math but it doesn't sound so horrible.

One day you'll move in together and that will solve her rent issues one way or the other. If you're thinking about getting married (I know you said you weren't) maybe live together for a while first just to see if she's capable of saving money when she has a bit more cash?

You sound like a good friend of mine about 15 years ago. Only difference was his girlfriend was older than him by five years and wanted kids (didn’t care about being married or not). He eventually broke up with her and lo and behold found another woman more beautiful, sexier, AND financially sound. They got married a year later and have been quite happy since.

this thread is not about your girlfriend, and neither is it about money. this thread is really about you.

you've found this girl who has a lot of good qualities, but she's also got some flaws. you've moved in together not because you love each other, but because of some undisclosed, "circumstance." you said that you can't imagine living with anyone else but that isn't what guys say when they're in love; they say , "I can't imagine life without her." you have no intention of marrying her because she doesn't want kids and you do so you use the excuse of your different approach to money matters as a way of doubting her suitability as a life partner.

you've been around the buoy a few times, you've had a few girlfriends and this one does at least have the virtue of being there. what worries you is that whatever it is about you that women find attractive might not be as potent at 30 as it was when you were a college dude. so you find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place, "do I settle for second best, or do I kick her out and possibly end up on my own?" and because you can't decide you come on here and ask us to decide for you.

well, life doesn't work like that. actions have consequences. you make choices and you live with the consequences. life is, pretty much, like training. you want to achieve something you have to commit to it and do the work and make it happen. those who succeed, in track as well as in life, are the ones who commit the most fully and do the work that is required.

I suggest you go watch a movie called, Good Will Hunting, then come back and tell us what you decided.

cheers.