Married dudes, how did you know she was "the one"?

Peter Patrick Pitter Patter. wrote:

Raphe wrote:

I've been seeing a girl for awhile now, and it's looking more and more like there's really something there. Married dudes, how did you know she was "the one"? How long did that take?

It took 18 months for me to know she was "the one"

1. She was hot even in grubby running clothes...and spectacular all dressed up.

2. She didn't annoy me or have some impractical view on life.

3. I had no resentment towards her even after we fought.

4. She was smarter than me, had her own career, had her own hobbies, and not many boyfriends or relied on men to fill some void her life.

5. She was respectful of my running and hobbies.

I agree with this. A girl with a decent job, her own hobbies, and who can look hot in 'frumpy' clothes is a keeper. Also noted by this poster, any girl that has a track record of jumping from relationship to relationship with no single time in between is always a big red flag for me. In my experience they are the most insecure, and ultimately untrustworthy long-term because they have a perpetual "grass is always greener" mindset.

I Spanish it is a pair of skates

In French it is

Definition of pantine

plural -s

: a jointed pasteboard doll representing a well-known living person and carried about for amusement (as by members of the French court) in the 18th century

For 98% of married dudes, she never was 'the one'. She was what they could get.

Raphe wrote:

Married dudes, how did you know she was "the one"?

This title is super heteronormative. The fact that you live a heterosexual lifestyle doesn't mean that you have to exclude those who are different from you from replying to your thread. Let's try to be a bit more inclusive in our discussion!

PhD to be wrote:

Please accept my deepest condolences for the deletion of your great thread.

PIO! wrote:

There is no such thing as "the one".

This x1000. The trick is finding one of "the ones," doing your due diligence to make sure she really is one of the ones, and convincing her that she'll be happy waking up to your face every day for the rest of her life. And after you marry her is when the real work begins.

It took 3 years of dating for me to propose to my wife. I made a very good choice. But I also became very good friends with her, and made sure I knew everything I could about her and vice versa so that there would be no surprises a year or two or twenty down the road. Not saying it takes 3 years to get there, but you need to be realistic about each other's strengths and weaknesses, which takes spending a lot of time together to learn what they are.

Lucky n Love wrote:

I walked into the front door of a house party, I saw this smiling gorgeous girl with piles of black curly hair and great legs sitting on the floor talking to a group of people. My maternal grandmother (who'd passed away 22 years earlier) whispered in my ear, "she'll do fine".

I'm worried about you.

Pretzel Man wrote:

Night observer wrote:

As far as the op's question, your heart tells you she's the one and your head agrees.

This, plus you think about her when not around each other.

You really don't like being away from her for any length of time.

THE MORE IN COMMON, THE MORE EXPERIENCE TOGETHER, THE BETTER: The more you have in common, the better. If you work (or work out) together and see each other work hard - that can build real respect.

My baby and I were/are both peace-justice activist organizers. We met at a hunger strike. Given that each knew the other was taking serious risks for other people; we knew from the get-go that we had a lot in common.

We spent 4 visits of 3-4 hours each, over a one-month period, getting to know each other. We made the committment - 31+ years later; we're still honeymooning.

That's about the INITIAL getting together.

IN MOST RELATIONSHIPS, SEX IS T-H-E KEY: Imo, the key to STAYING TOGETHER, to long-lasting love is the sexual part of the relationship.

We have a "no veto over sex" mutual agreement. If either is in the mood, the other can't say no. Being a "super-athlete", means I have just about unlimited endurance and she is gorgeous - so I''m ALWAYS ready and she has never once said "no". (That's 21,000+ times (thru to male orgasm) that we've made love - first 26 years 2 times a day; since then once).

THE FREQUENCY OF SEX SHOULD CORRESPOND TO AS MUCH AS BOTH CAN HANDLE WITHOUT GETTING TOO EXHAUSTED TO FULFILL ALL OTHER NORMAL RESPONSIBILITIES: Naturally not every guy can make love at that frequency. The key is NOT the frequency exactly. It is that the couple make love as frequently as they can handle (and that nothing beyond emergencies is allowed to get in the way of it). You can tell when you're getting into the "too frequent" area when you / she can no longer handle all the other various responsibilities life throws at us. (Never a problem for us).

ONLY A WOMAN CAN COME LIKE THIS: btw, her orgasms are Earth-rocking, involving screaming like a Banshee for up to 45 minutes non-stop. They "knock her out" so much; that she can't handle more than about one every week or two. (Boy would I trade my daily ones for her infrequent, all-out symphony-orchestra ones!)

2ND KEY: PAYING ATTENTION TO HER: Another key to long-lasting love is how the guy treats the girl. (Most women are trained by DNA and by their moms to serve others, including their guy - so this is seldom a big challenge in a relationship). Guys, on the other hand, don't seem to get much training at all in how to view and treat a woman (naturally I'm not addressing homosexual relationships here). Imo, IF the guy SPECIALIZES in treating his lady sweetly; she'll love him to death in return. For him to do that (and get all of that in return) he must learn how to pay attention to her needs. Most guys don't even realize what almost every woman understands - to understand someone else, you've got to pay attention and ask lots of questions and make the necessary adjustments based on the answers.

3RD KEY: REALIZING THAT SHE IS THE BIG DEAL, NOT YOU: I know I'm a really special guy (always doing the right thing, always putting others first). But in my eyes, my baby is astonishing; far beyond me - I'm ever so lucky that she allows me to be her guy. Imo, all heterosexual guys should feel this way about their girl. Only women can: do astonishing things in bed; get pregnant, fabricate kids, do childbirth, do breast-feeding and just give-and-give-and-give to others naturally.

You get one of those in your life, only a fool wouldn't do EVERYTHING in their power to please her like your "queen".

Heck yeah. Chicks who bounce from relationship to relationship within a month of one ending are a no go.

She isn’t! Don’t make the same mistake

I can tell you read books by Jon Gottman lol

Okay dude wrote:

Sounds ummm... great, man. Keep on being you. Whatever gets you off.

Everyone knows who you are because you used to post incessantly. Don't mistake saturation with brilliance. You're plain dumb. And not even in a "good" way, like Island.

I do not know who he is.

I don't know who he is , and have not read any books by him.

Does his thinking about this question parallel mine?

I was referring to: "I can tell you read books by Jon Gottman lol"

btw, my thinking on marital issues (and relationships between men and women) have not been influenced by any book by anybody (at least during the last 30 years - I haven't read a book on this topic during that time. I base my views on my past and especially present incredibly loving relationship and 50 some years of marriage counseling.

How did you get LRC to print such a long post?

Today I wrote a post about 1/3 as long as yours. It was not accepted.

They claimed there were many repetitions. This was not any more true than your post.

I also did not repeat information from a past post. I think it was my first post of the day!

Wejo, Rojo, or one of your underlings please give me an answer? I will save the post.

First of all, as much as you won't want to hear it, for a good lot of people there isn't "the one". You are too self-centered and self-absorbed for there ever to be a person who you can happily be together with for the rest of your lives. You aren't capable of that.

For those who say "your experiences and ideals need to be the same", my wife and I are pretty opposite. I'm the epitome of country, and she grew up in one of the country's largest cities. That led to a lot of differences. But fairly early in our relationship, through mutual attraction, it became pretty clear I gave everything for her happiness and she reciprocated. Period. That was the foundation. Coupled with unwavering trust. Our finances were combined very quickly after we engaged, there was to "mine" and "yours". Her parents didn't want her to marry me, she was willing to tell them not to come to the wedding (it didn't go that far) even as it killed her emotionally. I took career steps at the time that were hard for me but were taken because I felt it was best in the long term for her and us.

What prior girlfriends taught me were the red flags not the "not ones". Signs of selfishness, insecurity.

I've been married for 13 years. I can count the number of serious arguments on one hand. Since we are always working towards harmony there is no reason for any argument to go very far.

waltertompatton wrote:

How did you get LRC to print such a long post?

Today I wrote a post about 1/3 as long as yours. It was not accepted.

They claimed there were many repetitions. This was not any more true than your post.

I also did not repeat information from a past post. I think it was my first post of the day!

Wejo, Rojo, or one of your underlings please give me an answer? I will save the post.

It probably wasn't accepted because no one likes you. You seem like a douche who gets all bent out of shape over the most banal things.

PIO! wrote:

There is no such thing as "the one".

This is the right answer. Marriage is always a gamble. You never know how each of you will change over time and if those changes will result in irreconcilable differences. At a minimum I would live under the same roof for at least a year before getting married. Co-habitating the same space tends to reveal if you can tolerate each other.