Where's Dr. Phil when you need him?? Letsrun.com of course! Am I over-reacting or is my wife messing around on me?

rojo wrote:

I hope the OP is a troll.

If not, you are screwed. You are asking us if your wife is doing somethingwrong if she's going on mid-day lunch motorcycle rides with another guy?

That to me is crazy. I mean who goes on lunch motorcyle rides period? This is like teenage romance.

All runners' wives go on lunch motorcycle rides

Doesn't matter wrote:

All runners' wives go on lunch motorcycle rides

Think you mean mustache rides, bro.

Okay, OP, I'll help you out. This guy is just a friend, right? And has been for months? So it sounds to me like it's time for your wife to invite this fun guy over for dinner so you can meet him and see for yourself what a nice guy he is. There's no way she can refuse this reasonable request.

Now you'll be face-to-face with this dude on your own turf. An ideal situation. I'm getting excited for you just imagining it.

First, you'll play the affable host. Crack open some brews or a bottle of wine, get him to talk about his life, make some jokes, keep tabs on the dinner you're making and talk about how well it's coming along. Whenever he tells you something vaguely interesting about himself, turn your wife and say things like, "Honey, why didn't you ever tell me that about this guy! That's awesome, man."

(IMPORTANT NOTE: Regarding the dinner, you're going to want to make something that can be served individually. Obviously, the goal here is to get this guy to eat something that will have him sh*ttin his pants for the next two days. Make sure you practice beforehand so the ex-lax doesn't ruin the flavor.)

Once you've sat down to eat dinner and the guy is a little off his guard, you've got a green light to start ramping up the passive aggressiveness. If you're nice enough at the start, he won't realize that you're messing with him for a while. Start slow. Ask him about why he doesn't have a woman. Talk about your kids at length and how great your family is. Make note of the motorcycle and ask him how far into the mid-life crisis he is. Ask him if he'd like to take you on a romantic drive up sunset canyon.

(IMPORTANT NOTE: Now is also the time to have a friend come over and key "call (insert dude's phone number here) for quality bjs" into the side of his car. Then get a couple burner phones and send him a bunch of dick pics in the following days with the caption "suck on this, champ ;)")

Soon enough, he'll be suspicious, and your wife will definitely realize something is up. Now you break out the big guns. And I'm not speaking metaphorically. Buy a gun. Then tell your wife that you've been meaning to tell her, but with Trump's election and tensions getting high across the country, you thought it'd be better to have some protection when sh*t finally hits the fan. Surprise! Lift up your shirt and 'em your new glock. Give the guy an extra big smile at this point and laugh. Hopefully your wife will freak out about the weapon in the house. That's good. Deliberately get into a fight with her in front of him and rant about your responsibilities as the MAN of the household. Tell her that you fail to see how a gun is any less safe than, say, riding on a death-trap motorcycle. Tell her not to make a scene in front of your new friend. Then apologize for how everything has gone and tell the guy that maybe it'd be best for him to leave. After he leaves, pretend to have a come to jesus moment and apologize to your wife for the whole gun thing and blame it on the news getting you too riled up.

After two days on the toilet, getting his car repainted, and getting a bunch of dick pics, I'd be surprised if the guy wants to continue hitting on your wife. Let me know if he persists, and I'll help you gear up for round 2.

POD.

Seen it over and over wrote:

Feel your pain man wrote:

That, and divorce is contagious. Hanging out with recent divorcées is poison. They want to justify their decisions by subtly encouraging others to do the same.

VERY big plus 1 on this.

noticed this when one of my wife's close friends divorced.. my wife started looking around at that point. There's a whole pack of divorced women in the circle of friends, supporting each other, but that seems to have an effect on the married women in the circle..

I'm with Dr Bill above generally. You can't fix this by snooping and confrontation, and you certainly can't change your wife's behavior.

Buy a motorcycle, set up a date night once a week to rediscover each other.

If she's out at night without you, get a babysitter, and go out yourself - doesn't have to be with a woman, just find a group (running club, whatever) and get out of the house.

Counseling is a good idea. You might find your wife stays in denial and sends you to counseling alone, since she believes the problem is in your perception of her affair and not in her. Go anyway, the counselor has seen this many times before and may be able to help.

If you want to stay married, you are going to have to forgive this affair. Forgiveness is hard. The Mayo Clinic has some advice

I didn't read the whole post or all of the replies, but dude you have no leverage in this situation.

She had the kids and she is providing for them, and you are basically financially dependent on her. If she gets tired of you and wants to replace you it would be really easy for her. You're a guy so I doubt you would get anything in the divorce, maybe a little alimony and joint custody of the kids.

Why would you put yourself in this situation? She has all the power, she controls the sex and the money, and one day she probably woke up and realized you were just a penis that she is feeding and sheltering and she lost respect for you.

time to move on Hooper.

you cant be in a relationship with someone you dont trust.

whether its because she's cheating or because of your insecurities doesnt really matter. either way you'll just be doing yourself more damage if you hang around.

go get yourself a lawyer.

MeHereYouWhere?! wrote:

Is it common practice for doctors (not just your wife) to give patients their cell phone number? Early on in your post when I read that, I said to myself "this isn't gonna be good".

It's bad. If the marriage means something, get a couples therapist NOW.

Either she is stone-cold and will not reveal the affair in therapy, or some truths are told. One or the other..

Don't think this is all her fault. "No time" is on you too.

Kids come first. Get into therapy, now.. You need it.

Black Med Student wrote:

I didn't read the whole post or all of the replies, but dude you have no leverage in this situation.

She had the kids and she is providing for them, and you are basically financially dependent on her. If she gets tired of you and wants to replace you it would be really easy for her. You're a guy so I doubt you would get anything in the divorce, maybe a little alimony and joint custody of the kids.

Why would you put yourself in this situation? She has all the power, she controls the sex and the money, and one day she probably woke up and realized you were just a penis that she is feeding and sheltering and she lost respect for you.

Probably the first post from you I wholeheartedly agree with.

8/10

Attracted a great couple of posts. Love the dinner idea.

used to be old and in the way wrote:

If she's out at night without you, get a babysitter, and go out yourself - doesn't have to be with a woman, just find a group (running club, whatever) and get out of the house.

Go out EVERY night, whether she's home or not, and DO find a woman to be with.

Look, your wife is not with you, she's with her friend.

So you have NO ONE to be with, and you need to rectify this now.

Knocking on the backdoor wrote:

Indeed In Deed wrote:

Indeed, you are a loser.

The TWO people who are responsible for the marriage are the husband and wife - NOT the other guy. He is irrelevant. The success or failure of the marriage never was and never will be his responsibility.

This is between the husband and the wife - nobody else.

Correct! Only women can be a homewrecker. A man will just tear open the backdoor and maybe leave a window open.

Nope.

Only the husband or the wife can be a homewrecker. Others are neither responsible nor capable of either fixing or destroying a marriage - just the husband and wife.

I know that is hard for many to understand - which says something about how many people lack even the most basic reasoning skills.

I haven't read through the thread but did read the entire original post. I'm sorry, man, but this does not sound good at all. You are NOT overreacting. If anything it sounds like you are underreacting, but of course we're only hearing your side of the story. The fact your wife continues this relationship against your will, texts, flirts, and even schedules RIDES with this guy and doesn't even seem to care if you know is a MAJOR MAJOR red flag, like to the point I would recommend gearing up for the worst. It appears your wife does not respect or care about you at all. This behavior is nowhere near appropriate and wouldn't be tolerated even by casual boyfriend-girlfriends in my opinion. Of course you have more to consider since you have kids, a family, etc, but it sounds very much to me like your wife has basically "dumped" you in her mind and is seeking fun, enjoyment, and attention elsewhere. Whether or not there's anything physical going on is impossible to say from what you posted, but let me tell you from experience, the primary function of snapchat is for married people to cheat on their spouses. MULTIPLE married women have used snapchat with me to try to cheat on their husbands. Nothing good can come from that.

I'm sorry man. This sounds bad and makes me uncomfortable just reading about it happening to someone else. I will read through the thread and see if there's anything more I can offer, but yeah, you are not overreacting, and your wife does not value you or the marriage any more. That much is clear.

Well done, sir.

Indeed In Deed wrote:

Only the husband or the wife can be a homewrecker. Others are neither responsible nor capable of either fixing or destroying a marriage - just the husband and wife.

I know that is hard for many to understand - which says something about how many people lack even the most basic reasoning skills.

LOL. You must be young.

First, off it's ridiculous that a patient would have her cell-phone number and it's wildly inappropriate for any patient to be texting their family physician at 11PM. If your wife is on call for her practice that's one thing, but direct text messages from patients is an entirely different thing. I would never directly text with a patient via cell phone.

Second, regardless if you're merely being insecure, your wife is continuing to display deceitful behaviour by deleting text messages, lying, etc. By doing this, she clearly says she values whatever she is gaining from this relationship (and, to be honest, it sounds more like an "innocent" flirtation than a real affair) more than she values maintained trust in your marriage. You might be totally off your rocker and, if that were the case, it would be OKAY for your wife to say "screw you, this is an innocent relationship, I have nothing to hide, I can have friends". It's something you would need to talk about but as long as she's being honest, she's not breaking the trust.

Leave her. Immediately. She does not love you. This is the end. You should get on Tinder right away and get down to business.

Indeed In Deed wrote:

Cold reality wrote:

If it was just between the husband and the wife then there would not be another guy.

Is the other guy interested in being a good stepdad? Could be. The kids are involved too.

It is not the other guys responsibility to preserve or respect the marriage, but to say he is irrelevant is an idiot move.

The serpent was irrelevant in the garden of Eden?

Try taking a reading comprehension course. It might do you some good.

You mean a course in comprehending your writing? Might do some good.

Suffice to say a marriage with kids is a family and includes more than just a husband and wife. External factors make and break marriages and families all the time. Third parties are relevant and have cause and effect. Believe your own stuff if it makes you feel better, but just cause you believe it doesn't make it true.

Karma comin

You just made letsrun great again.