Snooped through gf phone

Snoopers Get What They Get wrote:

Meanwhile, you did an equally bad thing of snooping through your girlfriend's private email/texts. !

Ignore this idiot. Having sex with someone else and looking through a phone are not even close. What would you prefer - If your girlfriend went through your phone, or has sex with another guy. Not even close. My girlfriend has my pass code and uses my phone all the time. I've got nothing to hide and if she went through my phone I could care less.

Just ask her about it. If she turns it around on you into it being about you going through her phone, then you know two things - she cheated and she's psychologically abusive. At that point you dump her and never look back.

pop_pop!_v2.2.1 wrote:

Red piller wrote:

HOLY CARP!! THIS IS HER OLD PHONE. IMAGINE WHATS ON HER CURRENT PHONE!!

She cheated and got away with it. Do you honestly think she won't or hasn't since???

Dump her and move on. Have some self respect.

Your assuming they understood each other as being in a monogamous relationship at the time. We don't know that. I doubt OP knows.

If OP could get her to be honest and open about it, it could be fine. But it seems to me OP has some unrealistic ideas about women, so he'd screw it up anyway.

You are beyond hope. The OP is in a moment in his life where he needs define his masculinity and what his expectations in life, love, and sex are for him. This is about him defining the rules of his future serious and casual relationships. You are asking him to second guess himself and let the woman continue to define the relationship through her feelz. That is the wrong thing to do if the OP wants to respect himself. The OP knows what the relationship was at the time of the known infraction. He needs to make the choice for himself as to what kind of man he is.

It's Russia's fault for allowing you to see the messages at all. Without their intervention you would not have been able to go through the messages so easily. Therefore any and all information in that phone is automatically discredited and to be ignored.

She did you a favor. Never make a commitment to monogamy all that does is breed jealousy, look at you now, you'll be afraid and upset forever. If you agreed that as long as she was your main squeeze and you felt satisfied most of the time everything would be alright ,and that you playing the field a little bit when temptation to do so get's really high, you'd both be happier.

This is a very difficult position. I hope you're doing okay, as well as you can. Without knowing full details of what happened, it will be impossible to make a rational decision about what to do next. If I were in your shoes, I would want to gather as much information as I could before proceeding. This would require an open and honest talk with her. Do not beat yourself up for looking through her phone - it's wrong, but in hindsight it may have saved you a lot of pain down the road. In your situation, I would gently confront her/ask about whether she's cheated, and introduce the newly found evidence as needed, depending on her willingness to be honest from the beginning. Further, if she did cheat, I would almost certainly break off the relationship at that time. Do what you think is right, but there is no need for you to be wondering alone in agony about what may or may not have happened. Talk to her. Good luck, and let us know what happened. Be strong.

Okay, I'll take another crack at this with a more transparent response. OP says there are messages referring to a single incidence of infidelity. He also says the messages imply the had sex or pretty close to it. He also says he doesn't actually know what happened. The only thing concrete he refers to is his gf suggesting he would be heartbroken if he knew what happened.Perhaps OP could tell us what the messages actually say, instead of alluding to them without even an attempt at paraphrase. Could the suggestion of heartbreak be nothing more than OP learning that his gf actually wished things had worked out with this other guy? Perhaps since then she has actually fallen in love with OP and never give a passing thought to other guy? Could it mean she slept with other guy but since has come to regret it deeply and wishes it hadn't happened? Could it mean she had great sex with other guy and wishes she could on a daily basis?When did old phone become old phone? Did she get a new phone a month after these texts? A year? 18 months? Is it significant that there are these messages to read from what, more than two years ago, but nothing since then apparently?Relationships are complicated and often look nothing at the three-month mark like they do at the two-year mark. If OP can set aside the information he gleaned from the phone snooping and try to evaluate his gf and their relationship based on what he knows, maybe he can set aside the texts and move on. Let it go. If the relationship is good now and you have a future together, set it aside.If OP really thinks advice from an anonymous message board such as this is going to help him here, then all he's really doing is looking for support of his decision to dump her according to some absolute standard outside of circumstances or context. Go ahead, but were I in this situation I would focus on my current relationship and just set aside something that happened that long ago, so early with her.

f off wrote:

Heads up wrote:

You've brought your intelligence into question in this thread in myriad ways so I would be skeptical of your reading comprehension and discernment. I doubt that your statement here is accurate based on what you've read.

F U CK off dickturd. No one likes posters like you.

Honey, you cannot allow RUSSIA to come between us. RUSSIA was involved in hacking that phone. Nothing on that phone should be taken seriously. Did I mention Russia?

Nonsense wrote:

HelpARunnerOut wrote:

the messages implied they had sex or damn near close to it

Put this to good use and run your next race on pure hate

Lol the running on pure hate meme needs to die. Negative energy like hate does not produce good times ffs, except according to the testimony of a few biased runners.

cheat card wrote:

You just got a cheat card, bro. Hang onto it. This means you get to do whatever you want until you get caught. Travel for work, it's on. Weekend with the boys, it's on. Hot chick at work, it's on. Bachelor party, it's on. Even if you cheat 10 times, if you get caught insist it was the first time and bring up the fact that she did it too. Congrats on the cheat card. Use it well.

This is the correct answer. Get it out for harambae with any hot chick, including that one at work you've had thoughts about. Here is your chance.

If I was dating someone for just a couple months I always assumed they were dating/sleeping with other people, just as I probably was. Was it clear at that time that you guys weren't in that situation?

It should include communicating clearly and honestly. Another post covered this very well.

And? If she could be honest with him about seeing other guys, then what? Does he get to "punish" her? No. There are at least two people in a relationship. If she can't be honest, or he can't recover, then it's over. It's probably over anyway.

Did Trump make you the boss of telling other people how to live? There are at least two issues OP is dealing with:

1. Woman "has a sexual past." AKA virgin/whore complex You should check into this yourself.

2. Possible understanding/trust that they were monogamous and that expectation was violated. OP seems to be young and not understanding people like having casual sex.

You mean you want to force your values onto him.

mellow seeds wrote:

If I was dating someone for just a couple months I always assumed they were dating/sleeping with other people, just as I probably was. Was it clear at that time that you guys weren't in that situation?

A voice of reason. However, blaming Russia is a good idea.

Dating someone and being in a relationship with someone are totally different. If she was your girlfriend according to you and her at the time, then its cheating. If you were dating her but she was not considered your girlfriend yet, its not cheating.

mellow seeds wrote:

If I was dating someone for just a couple months I always assumed they were dating/sleeping with other people, just as I probably was. Was it clear at that time that you guys weren't in that situation?

I don't think this is the norm. Personally once I start dating someone I am exclusive with that person, if there is no second date then I am free to move on to the next girl. I never have 2 girls on the roster at once and I think most women expect this from their partner, definitely after a month or two. By a month or two of dating you are kind of a couple. Imagine dating a girl for 8 weeks, you've been on 12 dates at least, been sleeping over at each others house (not running out after sex but sharing breakfast etc because she isn't a one night stand or a fukk buddy) etc, then she tells you she's just banged another guy... Are you just going to say, "oh fair enough we never said we were exclusive I guess" or "oh you had a guy you just had to bang before we became too serious, fair enough, glad you got it out the way" No way I'd say that, if there is some other guy she has to have sex with before becoming exclusive with someone else, who is he and why isn't she with him instead. He obviously mattered to her enough, or she wanted it that bad, that she was willing to jepodise your relationship (even if it was only 8 weeks old). Doesn't sound like a solid relationship to me.

*jeopardize

Sorry, I'm drunk AF rn.

Dixout 4 harambae wrote:

*jeopardize

Sorry, I'm drunk AF rn.

Sorry, I meant I'm juggling a bunch of dicks right now fam.

sorry bruvva wrote:

Have an honest hour. Think of something bad you've done but definitely not something like cheating. Like lying about being some place or doing something but obviously just really a white lie. Maybe she'll feel guilty enough and speak up...or probably not.

If you go this and she falls for it she is dumber than you are and you are seriously dumb.

Dixout 4 harambae wrote:

Dixout 4 harambae wrote:

*jeopardize

Sorry, I'm drunk AF rn.

Sorry, I meant I'm juggling a bunch of dicks right now fam.

No homo man.

You should continue to spew your naive thoughts. I clean up because most men think like you. Trust me, trying to be her gal pal like you suggest is a great way to get her to think about him as a loser to be stepped on.

To the OP, be the man you want to be that knows how to make women feel attracted to you. Seriously, ask yourself what woman is going to respect you if you take their cheating lying down? There are lots of women that will jump on you if you make the change that makes you desirable. Don't put her on a pedestal just because you have her now. How much of your relationship is a lie if you just found this out? You just discovered the tip of the iceberg my friend. There's no reason the other 90% is gonna make this better for you. Be strong and move on.