Anyone date a girl with borderline personality disorder? Were there any early warning signs?

Thank you for the post, sir (or madam). You are a phenomenal person.

BPD doesn't exist. It was a socially constructed thing to begin with. Struggling with our emotions/behaviors from time to time is called being human and some of us have better coping skills than others. Try to look at what is going on in her life when these "episodes" happen.

Are you saying you don't have ups and downs? Struggles and then a good few months of even sailing? Everyone has issues. Stop judging and try being more accepting. When you have issues, don't you want the person you love to support you in return?

"I should also mention that I had patients with BPD while I was on the psychiatry wards and they are actually the most hated type of patients by people in the mental health field. The reason for this is because they try and turn the health staff against one another and wrap everyone up in a web of lies and deceit.

I remember certain residents would beg to not be put on BPD cases because they actually dislike them at a core level. It's hard to view them as a medical patient because this is who they are. It's not treatable any more than psychopathy is."

Dude,

Here's what I do. When I'm in a relationship and we hit our post 3-month mark and hit a rough patch: I make a list of pros and cons of the woman I'm with. I list everything about her I like. Her looks, her sense of humor, her funny sarcasm, her sexy tweets, how she makes me feel, good sex, good cook, if she's smart I note that. I note what we have in common, similar taste in movies, books- you name it.

Then I make a list of what I don't like about her and the relationship. The list might include she is grumpy in the morning until she's had her coffee, she doesn't like to go to hear live music, her car is a pit inside, I don't like her cat, her mother doesn't seem to like me. Whatever it is I write it down.

IF the Cons side of the list is longer than the Pros, I re-evaulate.

IF I love this woman, I will sit down with her and say, these are the areas or the things that bug me, can we improve? If she refuses to try, I'm going to slowly phase out the relationship, or end it.

Bottom line- you've got to go with your gut. And your heart. If you love this woman, deal with it. If you don't, then get the hell out.

Been there 2 wrote:

pull ups wrote:

A woman who insults you and doesn't work. What kind of man was that guy?

I realize that you're trying to be funny, but if it was truly BPD, people can hide it VERY well or make you feel as though you're the one with an issue.

Also, they were married with kids, and you don't just walk away from that.

Reminds me of a stand up comedian who said, "I can see having a wife and a few kids, but a tattoo...it's so permanent!"

I do the same thing when buying a car.

Any input saying to love and be nice to these people and that there shouldn't be any sort of stigma about them is astonishingly naive and/or ignorant. People with cluster B personality disorders (Borderline, Narcissistic, Antisocial, and Histrionic) WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE. These are cancers of human beings that cause nothing but harm in the world. There is no way any person can emphasize that enough. You cannot understand how horrible these people are unless you've had intimate first-hand experience with them. It is NOT their fault that they are the way they are. I am not blaming them. These personality disorders, cluster B, arise from childhood abuse and neglect that they had no control. Whether it was their fault or not has nothing to do with whether or not they are soulless deviants who will ruin your life.

I urge everyone to read up on cluster B personality disorders, mainly borderline and antisocial personality disorders, learn how to recognize them, and RUN in the opposite direction any time in life you even suspect the person of having them, whether that person is a significant other, a boss, friend, coworker, whatever. RUN. I speak from multiple experiences.

FWIW, I have a sibling with a cluster B personality disorder. Compassion does no one any good when your life is ruined. Cut the cord and run.

The early warning sign is them being female.

D.Trump wrote:

Borderline? Who cares?

Fvck her right in the pvssy.

Best treatment for these female psychological disorders.

My story:

I was younger in my 20's - an introverted runner guy. I was inexperienced with women. I was new to an area for my job and I became involved with a BPD women. I didn't know or understand this at the time. I was blinded by her appearance and sex. I was a fool and still have a hard time forgiving myself for ignoring red flag after red flag. She had a 10 month old baby when I met her. She lured me in and I foolish allowed it. I married the woman and adopted the baby. We had 2 other children together 13 months apart.

I will say if I had a time machine or was given a wish it would be to have never met that woman.

After the "honey moon phase" it was a living hell. It ended up with police - courts - kidnapping and all the extreme crazy insane things elsewhere in this thread.

Bottom line is I have been struggling for years to get my life back on track. My career has been badly damaged - ruined. I have been diagnosed and I am being treated for PTSD from the nightmare (specifically from the part with her kidnapping the children).

I have legal custody of the children. They have been horribly affected by all of this and are in various treatment programs.

I could go on...but my point is do not ignore red flags and your gut. Life passes fast and the wrong decisions and being with the wrong person can dramatically change things for the rest of your life.

I truly hope you are trolling! About the whole thing but especially about "her sexy tweets", hahahaa, that is the single dumbest thing i've ever heard.

Iagree wrote:

BPD doesn't exist. It was a socially constructed thing to begin with. Struggling with our emotions/behaviors from time to time is called being human and some of us have better coping skills than others. Try to look at what is going on in her life when these "episodes" happen.

Are you saying you don't have ups and downs? Struggles and then a good few months of even sailing? Everyone has issues. Stop judging and try being more accepting. When you have issues, don't you want the person you love to support you in return?

BPD does exist unfortunately it goes undiagnosed in many people. Not just in women either. With that said, I agree w/the rest of your statement. I think people are too quick to judge w/o seeing their own emotions or reactions to the other person who might be having a bad day or going through a rough patch in their lives. It's when it becomes abusive and a constant drain that you have to reflect on your situation and decide what to do.

My sister in law wrote:

My SIL has BPD in my humble opinion. She is terrible to her husband and kids. Will put people down in a crowd, will start arguments between people and then smile outwardly when the drama starts. Someone upthread made an interesting comment, parents of these folks will defend them to the end, when push comes to shove, to the point of a battered wife does her husband. I seriously don't get it.

I pretty much avoid this person at all family get togethers.

Sadly, you just described my wife. My mother-in-law, however, apologizes to me on a regular basis for her daughter's behavior. Thankfully, I had enough sense not to have kids with this woman. After 12 years of marriage, I finally started standing up to her BS and now she hates her loss of control over me. Several events this year (verbal/physical abuse, public humiliation, etc.) have taken me over the edge and I've started planning my exit strategy.

Wow, good for you.

I have been married five years and it's like you're describing my life.

You finding a way out is inspiring.

I started documenting her behavior a year ago (notes/photos) in case I need to defend myself. Not sure how she'll react when reality sets in. Marriage counseling doesn't seem like an option at this point for two reasons;

1) She'll never admit she's wrong (The words, "I'm sorry" aren't in her vocabulary)

2) I've lost all respect for her

Are people with BPD more or less likely to be interested in fitness/exercise?

Heed this warning, everyone. You might think my post was extreme, but this kind of stuff is 100% typical with these types. They will ruin your life. RUN the other direction and do not look back.

Thank you for sharing, Thin and Alone. Very sorry to hear about your life, your kids... It's definitely good you're getting therapy and getting your kids therapy too. Dysfunction breeds dysfunction, but if you can reach kids before their brain stops developing (late teens to early 20s), you can reverse a lot of the damage.

To anyone reading this, if you ever find yourself married to a crazy person, do not think it is better for your kids to have married parents than separate. My dad stayed with my BPD mom until I was out of the house, and I can tell you I would have been infinitely better if he had divorced her years earlier. Having one stable parent and one stable environment is better than almost any subjection to an unstable environment with a crazy BPD person. Divorce your spouse and get your kids out. If you have any heart at all, do it for your kids.

Married her 27 yrs ago. Drop dead gorgeous. Great sex. Daddy's girl who had everythi g handed to her and never had a job. Four kids later and all the while It's a continual rollercoaster of emotions that involves everyone constantly walking on eggshells. Just a minor thing said in the wrong way or some petty little hiccup and it's full blown screaming and cursing. My oldest is grown and o, her own. She hates her mother. Little Kids can't get to school without their day ruined over some snide comment- your hair looks like shit , your pants are to short etc.

I warned and warned her. The final straw was her publicly humiliating me two weekends in a row in front of my subordinates at work.

I took a day off. Packed my clothes, left her a check and got the hell outta dodge. Took nothing but my clothes. By the end of the day I had rented an apartment and bought furniture, linens, kitchen items and groceries. The next day I picked up my kids from school and had a long talk

I knew the day I married her she was nuts. It took me 27 yrs to pull the trigger but when I did it took 12 hrs. to complete. Boy was she surprised.

These stories are terrifying. For people who have lived through this - did it get worse when people got older or after kids or some other big event? Webmd says 3 million people which is less than 1% of the population but when you think about it is 1/150 ppl you come across which is actually kind of high.

I can only imagine the mental, emotional and in some cases financial drain this takes on you. Also is bpd more common in women?