Quitting drinking

seriously great testimony - well done.

and well done, mrs. doyle.

I gradually became a weekend and vacation/holiday binge drinker by the age of 27 or so. I somehow would manage 70 mpw with 2 track sessions but immediately following the Saturday morning workout or race, I would begin my weekend pounding of a 30 pack of beer and a fifth of vodka. I was able to hide the vodka from my wife and she never seemed to get too upset about the beer, probably because I cleaned my system daily by running. The binging gradually became heavier. Although I kept the weekend binging about the same, the holiday and vacation binges began to stretch over multiple days with no running. During several Christmas breaks, I stayed loaded for up to 2 weeks straight, often waking up in a panic at 5 a.m. and pounding more beers/shots to calm down. The withdrawal from the binges became a living hell – after halting the binge, sometimes I wouldn’t feel well for 4 days – cold and hot profuse night sweats, freaky dreams, lousy sleep, cramping, dry heaves, etc. Luckily it never impacted my job and I never had any legal problems…mainly because I drank only at home, by myself. There were sessions when I finished 30 beers and half the bottle of vodka in a single day. I never could really determine any reason for this self-destruction, but long story short, 5 months before my 49th birthday, I decided I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. That was 7 years ago and although initially for about 3 years I craved cold beer on Saturday afternoons, I haven’t touched a drop. All cravings have long since evaporated and life couldn’t be better – and I sleep like the dead. My advice is to anyone who thinks they’d like to quit is to give it a try – don’t be concerned about what others may think, because you’d be surprised by the number of folks who would also like to put the cork in the bottle for good.

A recurring theme in this thread seems to be people hitting rock bottom and then quitting cold turkey. It makes me wonder: is it easier to quit after something spectacularly bad happens like a really bad binge than the person who has had no such experience? I could see how 30 beers/day guy has a couple of really bad episodes and says enough is enough might make for an easier transition to nothing than 6-pack/day guy who is just being really unhealthy but it doesn't end up in any kind of epic fail of any kind.

In other words, is it actually harder for the people closer to the middle of the distribution to quit than those on the tail?

sdfasdfasdfasdfasdfsad wrote:

In other words, is it actually harder for the people closer to the middle of the distribution to quit than those on the tail?

From what I have seen by observing a large number of drug addicts (in the court system) and also anecdotally from friends and people I have met with regard to drinking and smoking - the common theme I saw for people who quit an addiction and have never gone back, is that they just made a decision one day to stop, and they stopped. Not all of them did so because of a any specific event, they just decided, enough was enough and they would never do it again. I think a traumatic event/hitting bottom may make it easier for someone to come to the decision that they need to stop, but it isn't necessary. There just has to be the genuine desire that they've had enough and they do not want to ever do it again.

I should say with people I have spoken to they also all recognize that the addiction will always be there - so they can never "just have one" etc. again. That quitting is absolute and for the rest of their lives. They know that to stop, it means not one drink/cigarette/drug (whichever it may be) ever again. There is a finality about it and an understanding that it is forever.

On the other hand, with the people I saw who didn't last, while some genuinely wanted to stop and recognized it was bad, they either said, or you could tell, that they hadn't accepted they could never ever again have even one cigarette or drink etc.. They talked about getting under control, having less, etc. and romantized their experiences with the smoking or whatever. But they hadn't really done both things fully - decided they needed to quit, and did so knowing they would never again have even one drink, one smoke, one toke, etc. How a person gets to that point, is an individual thing, but again, I do suspect that "hitting bottom" or some traumatic event would help steal their resolve.

Sounds so familiar as I used the self delusion in my 20s and 30s that since I ran every day, did the occasional 10k or marathon, and had a good job I couldn't be an alcoholic. But it all caught up to me in my 40s and later as I quit running. And as you get older your tolerance for booze plummets. Thought I had to drink to be social, but it has been proven over and over again, it ain't worth it. Last drink about a month ago, but I've been down this road many times before.

Wow. I don't drink that often, maybe once ever two weeks or so, and rarely more than a couple. However, I've definitely had some bad binge drinking experiences in my life - got drunk, behaved in embarrassing ways, hangovers, etc. Enough so that I am more than aware through personal experience that drinking has the potential to be a very negative thing. But still, the thought of an "alcoholic", in my head was still someone at the very fringe, more like a drug addict, and not something that I would have worried could happen to me or my friends. The people who I would think of as alcoholics, are just not people I would relate to or see myself becoming.

I think what kids need to hear, in high school (and maybe college) are stories like these. Stories from normal people, stories from people that they can see themselves being. I think the ugly dangerous side of alcohol would be far more real to them hearing from real people who nothing necessarily terrible happened (criminal etc.), but for whom alcohol still really did a lot of damage in their lives. I think it would be a lot harder for kids to dismiss the potential negative aspects of alcohol (the "that won't happen to me" response) hearing these sorts of stories.

At the very least, I can tell you, even though I don't drink a lot, it sure has made me re-think alcohol and if I ever really need to drink it at all.

Here's My Story:

47 Years old, Run 20 25 miles a week. Four years ago ran 19:20 so not super fast but faster than your average 40+ 5k Runner. Never ran in high school or college. None of that really is relevant I guess.

Anyway... In College, I drank like your average college student. Mostly Weekends and sometimes to excess. After college for about the first 3-4 years I continued the same pattern with co-workers.

Flash forward to age 31 and I met the women of my dreams and got married. Had two boys within the next 4 years. Drank a beer or two every now and then and maybe got "Drunk" 2 or three times in the next 10 years.

Now I am 47 and find myself drinking 4-5 8%+ ABV Beers on most every Friday, Saturday and Sunday Night. Don't drink Monday through Thursday.

Tonight, however my wife is at a board meeting and I decided to pick up an 6 pack of beer on the way home from work since she won't be home till after 8:30 or so.

I can relate to a lot that has been posted on this thread. I check the alcohol content of the beers I but because it will take less to achieve the buzz that I like and not raise any red flags with my wife. We heave a couple of bottles of Tequila and Jack Daniels in the house that I will occasionally take a pull from when no one is looking. I reallly enjoy the buzz I get and I never throw up or have a hangover the next day. I would describe my level of inebriation as a good buzz. Definitely would not be driving but feel in control and don't seem to raise any red flags with my wife or any others. If we go out to eat on the weekend, I never order more than two beers because I know I should not drive with a buzz.

I don't consider myself an alchoholic but I wonder, am I? Like I said, I don't generally drink Monday through Thursday but tonight, I did drink 4 beers tonight (8.5% Alcohol) and am feeling great at the moment.

I have been trying to lose about 18 pounds to get back down to my "fighting weight" and have lost 11 so far. Last weekend I told my wife that I think beer is keeping me from losing the last 7 pounds and that I was going to abstain until I reached my goal weight. Here I sit though nicely buzzed and having not adhered to my plan. My wife will be home soon and don't know if I should not mention that I drank and did not adhere to my plan to abstain until I reached my goal weight or just tell her that I did. She will probably smell it on my breath.

Anyway good people of this thread, Am I an alcoholic or just a "Heavy Drinker?" I really enjoy the mellow buzz I get but worry that I am setting myself up for Health Issues or an early death because of it. I rationalize that I am not because there are folks like Keith Richards that have abused their bodies way more than I have and are still kicking.

So, LRC, what say you?

Imperial Stout wrote:

Anyway good people of this thread, Am I an alcoholic or just a "Heavy Drinker?"

If you're happy with your alcohol consumption, as in totally wouldn't mind telling your wife you drank because who care what she thinks, then you're a heavy drinker. If you feel guilt or regret but still do it anyway, you're probably crossing the line.

Either way getting hung up on definitions is silly. You're either leading the lifestyle you believe is best, or you're not.

You're not an alcoholic, but your drinking is heavy enough to cause health problems, especially because you're older. Look into some of the research on binge drinking in middle age-- it's linked to stroke, cognitive decline, heart attack, serious falls, etc.

I think this is something that gets lost in the binary addict/not addict discussion-- just because you're not an alcoholic doesn't mean your relationship with alcohol is healthy. Clearly alcohol is interfering with your goals, is something you feel the need to hide, is something you worry about.

I'm 38. Didn't drink in high school. Didn't drink too much in college because of running.

At about 25 I just really started to love the drink. It was pretty much 12 years of fairly heavy drinking. Typically it would be 3 or 4 on weeknights and 8 to 12 (more on special occasions). I never felt it was totally out of control but I couldn't really fathom taking a month off. Hell, even a week.

I had my first child about a year ago. This has changed shit! There is nothing worse than being hungover all day on a Saturday and hanging out with the family and taking care of real life shit! Nothing.

So now I'd say I drink 3 or 4 nights a week. Usually 3 to 5 beers. But....I crave alcohol like crazy EVERY SINGLY NIGHT STARTING AT 6:30. It's like a war going on in my head over if I should go grab a beer or not.

Unfortunately, I don't think I can get this war to go away unless I full on quit. Zero. Zilch. Nada. The way it is right now it's too big of a head game.

Now, call me a loser but I don't know what I'd do with my guy friends if I didn't drink. The once every week or two that I get out with the boys it's always based around grabbing a couple (or 12) beers. Going to hangout with those guys sober sounds like a disaster. They'd accept it and be cool with it but I don't know if I'd want to go.

Anyway, the kid did change a lot. I'm phasing out the alcohol but slap me on the ass and call me sally it's HARD.

Oh, and being sober at 8pm on a Friday or Saturday isn't thrilling. What do I have to look forward to all week!?

City Special,

"...especially because you're older...." Whoa, I have never thought of myself as old but considering I am 30 years away from the Average Life Span of a male adult, I guess you are right.

For me it is all or nothing. I can't just drink one beer. I guess I have a decision to make here.

"just because you're not an alcoholic doesn't mean your relationship with alcohol is healthy." Never thought of it that way. Thanks for the objective opinion.

It is Hard! You have a decision to make like I do. Sounds like for you (as it is form me) it is all or nothing. It looks like you have cut back but for how long? And which is worse,the difficulty of staying away 100% or the war in your head over if you should grab a beer or not? In the short term I think it is the former but over time the the long haul, the latter should diminish.

I still havn't decided to go the route of "No Alchohol ever" but am considering it.

zzlzzlzlzlzl wrote:

Now, call me a loser but I don't know what I'd do with my guy friends if I didn't drink. The once every week or two that I get out with the boys it's always based around grabbing a couple (or 12) beers. Going to hangout with those guys sober sounds like a disaster. They'd accept it and be cool with it but I don't know if I'd want to go.

Anyway, the kid did change a lot. I'm phasing out the alcohol but slap me on the ass and call me sally it's HARD.

Oh, and being sober at 8pm on a Friday or Saturday isn't thrilling. What do I have to look forward to all week!?

Having been there before, being sober with drunk people really makes you realize how idiotic people act when drunk.

For those who have quit cold turkey, what do you say when you're out & someone hands you a beer, or someone asks why you aren't drinking? I know it's only a matter of time before this happens to me.

I recall being out somewhere & there was a couple present. I think I just met them. Someone handed the guy a drink & he said -- "nope, if I start drinking, trouble will start in here." His girlfriend/wife said something along the lines of -- "we've both had trouble with alcohol abuse & now abstain." 2 different responses, but I thought it was really cool the lady was honest & nobody pestered them to drink the rest of the night. Now, I just met the couple that night so it may be different if I'm out with friends or family.

Is it better to make excuses & say -- "I'm not drinking tonight because so & so." Or did you straight up tell them you're quitting, & give a reason why?

here we go wrote:For those who have quit cold turkey, what do you say when you're out & someone hands you a beer, or someone asks why you aren't drinking? I know it's only a matter of time before this happens to me.

This was my biggest concern before I quit after 30 years of hard drinking. In reality, it turned out to be almost a disappointment how little this has been an issue.

In most social situations, I simply decline when offered booze, and ask for a soft drink. It is extremely rare for somebody to be sufficiently socially awkward to demand a reason, unless they know me. So in most casual social situations it's not an issue, nobody ever asks.

It's a different situation when among friends or family, but not so different as you might expect. Within five years of quitting, I think 2, maybe 3 acquaintances had the nerve to ask me WHY I didn't want a drink. My answer depended on how well I knew them. I may have said "because I don't want one" and left it at that, almost daring them to be rude enough to ask further. But for sure in a couple of cases, I gave a more honest answer, along the lines of :I don't drink anmore because I decided it wasn't good for me / I had enough / whatever..."

I have been really surprised how few people bothered to ask, and also by how few people actually seemed to notice. It took my parents and siblings about three years to notice. Of course I only see them once or twice a year...

And I've only felt awkward one time, when at an international gathering, and a foreign guy really wanted me to try his national drink, and couldn't quite understand why I was being rude and refusing. In that case I felt I needed to open up with this stranger and tell him I quit because it was bad for me, because I could tell he felt insulted. He didn't really seem to understand why anybody would quit, but anyway I tried... :-)

@Imperial Stout: At the end of the day only you can answer whether you are or aren't. Speaking for myself, after several years of hard drinking beginning when I was 15, I had a moment of clarity in my early 20's where I intrinsically knew I was an alcoholic.Unfortunately, youthful arrogance, shame and a simple inability to stop kept me from getting sober for another half dozen years. During that time, I accumulated more personal wreckage, becoming addicted to crystal meth as well. A few suggestions if I may; be unsparingly honest with yourself as to whether or not you have a problem. Secondly, pay attention; in other words keep tabs on your emotional and physical state throughout the day, listening to what your mind and body tell you could help answer your question, not listening is what kept me out in the alcoholic wilderness much longer than I needed to be, listening is what keeps me away from that wilderness. Good luck!

Don't make excuses. Part of long-term success is honesty with yourself and others.

But that doesn't mean you have to tell everyone your life story. A simple "no thanks" usually suffices.

The people who will press are often those also have or will someday have a problem with alcohol.

In the rare instance when I feel obligated to provide a reason, I say, "I met my lifetime quota between 1979 and 2009" and smile.

After dozens of failed attempts at quitting drinking, each of which just left me additionally shamed, I've decided to change things up.

This time, I'm trying to quit dumb drinking.

A non-exhaustive list ...

* Cocktails at home after being out drinking

* An additional beer or 3 even though everyone else at the table has switched to water

* Any beer past #2 (maybe #3) after a social midweek 3 miler

* Drinking to excess when I am around new people (eg a birthday party where I only know one person, and that person left an hour ago)

* 'Celebrating' things that don't really need celebrating ("It's Keith Richards' Birthday!") even though I know I need to be getting up early

* Anything that makes me drunk in public, because I am not that charming of a drunk

Non-dumb drinking is a beer or 2 with good buddies who are visiting or whom I haven't seen in a while .... or a couple watching sports ... or a couple after a run ... or a couple at home watching TV if I feel like it.

It's mostly worked, with some failures, for the last 6 months. It's the longest period I've gone, in 25+ years, without an day or evening I deeply regret. Didn't realize that until typing it just now.

I'm not saying this is a better or worse approach than anything else. So far it's worked pretty well for me. YMWV.

Best of luck to OP and everyone else.