I am definitely not someone who you can say doesn't understand what its like to live with dysfunctional people. My parents had 8 kids in 10 years and then divorced. The kids were broken up between my dad , mom and an uncle and aunt in a far away state. We were not allowed to contact each other. Then mom died , I was 10. Had to go back with alcoholic abusive dad , four of the five kids with him dropped out of high school. Two never made it past the ninth grade. My oldest brother would steal our stuff and sell it at a pawn shop. Dad died of drinking at 46, I never knew him to work. He definitely had that kill your children's success issue. Once we were put in a foster home because my dad quit buying food for the house and was rarely home. After I was out, the state took away my youngest brother, the only one who was still at home.
I joined the navy on delayed entry program, finished high school and moved out of the town where the majority of my siblings lived. At first, I visited often. They never came to see me. At every visit everyone was drunk and stoned but me. Even if we did things together that I liked to do , which wasn't often, I didn't like the drinking and drugs.
My sister's first birthday party for her out of wedlock son had more booze and drugs than cake and ice-cream. Grown ups horsing around knocked the baby down and could have really hurt him but he landed well. This was the last-straw for me. I told my sister I would never come to her kid's party again until it was clean. I pulled away almost completely, I was about your age, maybe a little younger. She never asked me to come to a party. That one year old now is 30 and has two dui's and can't get work with a full nursing credential.
I am in my 50's now. In a 25 year period I had been to the wake for my youngest brother who shot himself in mouth with a shot gun , and another brother's wedding. I have visited a sister a few times and she has stayed with my family during a couple of holidays. A couple of years ago My wife and I had a big party at our house and I sent invitations. A few brothers came, that was a slow restart of sorts. They were cool , nice enough to me and me to them. I think they were surprised to see that my situation was pretty good .
I never really burned any bridge , even the sister who I scolded for the birthday party always respected me. It was just a choice. It's a hard choice.
Some of what people are posting about trying to stay close actually sounds good to me even though I didn't do it. Just try hard to consider what they are all saying. Don't burn your bridges. It's not necessary for any reason unless they stalk you or something like that. Get of the superiority trip, the shame if there is any. DO this as much as you can without demanding perfection of yourself on it. Don't hate yourself for negative feelings about them either, not that you sound like that type, but maybe in a different mood you might.
We finally had a sibling reunion last summer at a campground. It was the first time all of us were together since my parents divorced in 1968!
I was still the only one that didn't drink constantly, but they are old and can't go as hard as they used to , which is helpful. It was sort of superficial but good over all. I'll never jump in with both feet but it doesn't hurt to stay in touch. They are in fact just people, like me.
Glad I got to see them in a peaceful way before we start dying.
As far as my kids inheriting lots of issues from people they have never known.
It just isn't happening ,holistically speaking all will do better than I have. Their lives are way different than mine. They are doing great. My family wasn't biologically defective, there always was a lot of intelligence and talent going wasted to the dysfunction. I think my parents were just very immature, probably abused themselves, and it spun out of control like a tornado.