Im 15, and have been running for 3-4 years now. Ever since I started I have always wanted to be the very best at this sport, and have been trying to do everything I possibly can to achieve those goals. However, with all the work I have put in, I have finally began to realize that those goals are unrealistic. Here is my progression from 7th -10th grade. The mileage was always run with base+speedwork.
Track
7th 5:21 (1600) 11:33(3200) 20-25mpw
8th 5:06 11:07 (3200) 30-35mpw
9th 4:58 10:44 (3200) 35-40 mpw
This year, prior to my cross country season, I decided to go all in and give it all in and run 60-70 miles a week over the summer, following the summer of malmo. I felt great, was not overtraining, and couldn't wait to see the results of all the work that I put in. Long story short, my season ended last week without even breaking 18 minutes for the 5k. I love running, but have grown to hate competing as a result of my poor performances despite all the work I am putting in. I have put in all of my effort and am still below average, even though I would do anything to be a good runner. I have tried quitting many times before, but there is always that one good workout that keeps me going, even though my times are not what I want them to be.
Another thing is, I always seem to run my fastest times during summer without speedwork, then stagnate over the season even though that is when I am doing speedwork. For example, the summer prior to 9th grade I signed up for a 5 mile fun run, and ended up running a 29:34, even though I wasn't even close to running all out. The training prior to that was 30-35 mpw with 1 tempo a week. Those are the moments where I think," If I can run these times without speedwork, imagine what I can do during the season?" Those moments set me up to believe I can run fast and am coming closer to reaching my goals, but I always end up running slow, as my PR for 9th grade was an 18:28. (In season: 40mpw with 2 speedworks a week)
Why I want to quit: Racing times not matching up to training, EVERY summer I run my best off no speedwork, giving me the false hope of being able to run fast during the with speedwork. I can't stand the constantly bad races during the season. I feel as though I am unable to compete with the other more talented kids, and am a competitive person, so its not like I can just "run my own race and compete with myself."
Why I don't want to quit: I love running