Sorry but that is the point. Your inclinations are pathetic. If that is "being yourself" then make a change. The fact that you invaded her privacy indicates that you are insecure. So it's time to start making some changes. Also, if you are a troll, kudos.
Bunch of amateurs here, be yourself, don't scheme and don't over think the situation. If she wanted to be with you she would be with you. Treat her with respect, treat her like a friend and don't act like a fool but at some point you have to come to terms with her breaking up with you. If she has second thoughts and wants to rekindle the relationship then you didn't do anything stupid to ruin your chances.
I almost guarantee she broke up with you over a guy. I'm not necessarily saying she's cheating, sometimes a girl can have an innocent encounter with a guy she finds attractive and after a while she fantasizes enough to where they become obsessed and all of a sudden you're getting in the way of her dreams. Was the break up out of the blue or were things getting stale?
f 12a wrote:
How does letting her know that I miss her from time to time make me look pathetic?
She already knows that you miss her.
she left me in a fit of anger after she discovered I had invaded her privacy.
Well then you should apologize, make it up to her, and make sure you don't do that again.
OK you need conundrum advice, although seriously there were some very good posts on this thread.The people that said you won't get back together are right but you are not ready to accept that and that's ok. This invading her privacy thing makes me think that you did that because you sensed something and that bothered you (and you were right). Her breaking up with you because of this privacy thing is not true. Its seems like that was the cause but it just gave her the opportunity, the reason to initiate the breakup.Here's what going to happen. You will try and approach her a number of times just to find out what you can do, to apologize, to "be her friend", to try and understand, etc. etc. etc. People will tell you not too but you will think you have to try so you will. You will be frustrated, and obsessed, and hurt and angry but it will be OK. Its part of the process. Even though it won't work, this just might be something you feel you have to do.Reason and logic will not guide your behavior, emotions will rule. Its a process, you will do what you think you have to do.Your life will be better without her. You will find someone who cares for you as much as you care for them. The greatest gift is loving someone who really feels they are lucky one because you love them. I know you don't believe you will be better off without her, but its true. I am not saying this just to make you feel better. You will find the right one and its not her.
f 12a wrote:
I keep hearing the standard replies - man up, get on with your life, etc...
I AM focusing on myself right now. My career, my running. How does letting her know that I miss her from time to time make me look pathetic?
I would think that doing the opposite and making it look like I'm getting along just fine would send another message 1) I don't need you and 2) What we had together wasn't that special
Neither of which is true.
To answer a previous poster, she left me in a fit of anger after she discovered I had invaded her privacy.
OP, learn a lesson from your dog. Kick some grass over that shit and move on!
Ok here's what you do. 100% guarantee this will work.
Go to her house with a guitar and wait until she's by her window. Once she is come out and play her an original song describing you passionate love for her.
You can thank me later
Maybe you want to be yourself, but that is NOT going to work.
I know precisely what you are feeling. This happened post divorce for me. Wanting to be with my ex-wife again when she already moved on with her co-worker. Holy hell. Talk about painful. But I got over it and my life improved dramatically once she was officially gone.
You have feelings and empathy. It's human and perfectly normal.
I'm not going to beat you up like other people here are doing. But what you are doing in this situation is beta behavior and every male is guilty of doing this once in their lives.
The more you care (even in your head) about what is going on, the further your judgement is clouded. Every minute you spend thinking about her and the situation is time wasted, when you should be using that time to become a kick-ass person.
You want her respect? Honestly? Drop her. Walk away and NOT GIVE A F*CK.
Start lifting weights, doing some hard track workouts, crushing some beers, and hitting on women. Go to a batting cage and beat the sh*t out of the ball, listen to some Metallica at some insane volume.
You need to reach a point of complete indifference to her. It's like one of my ex-girlfriend's from years ago. If someone told me today she was getting tagged-teamed by a couple of random dudes this weekend, I would laugh my butt off because I simply don't about her anymore. She sucked anyways and still does to this day!
As tough as it is, you need to drop her. She wasn't that great, and there are people better/hotter chicks than her that you should be getting with.
The thing that you will learn from this, if you choose to listen, is that each subsequent relationship you have will be better than this one. The more you man up, the more the woman will respect you and love you. This is some real truth! The woman I'm with now blows my ex-wife out of the water and bangs me senseless five times a week. My ex-wife is bloated cow, with a bloated slob of husband living in some boring sh!t town. Karma!
By contacting her and doing a bunch of lame stuff, it's shows the lack of respect you have for yourself. There is nothing more unattractive. Trust me.
Alpha up runner friend!
Metallica? Give us a break you old geezer. Take your Alpha crap and shove it, and your fake story about your new stupid wife you p-whipped old fool.
HSP wrote:
Metallica? Give us a break you old geezer. Take your Alpha crap and shove it, and your fake story about your new stupid wife you p-whipped old fool.
Ha!
I'm not married and I'm not old!
Have fun being beta!
Conundrum wrote:
This invading her privacy thing makes me think that you did that because you sensed something and that bothered you (and you were right). Her breaking up with you because of this privacy thing is not true. Its seems like that was the cause but it just gave her the opportunity, the reason to initiate the breakup.
He sensed that he invaded her privacy, which is the issue she is mad about, not something imaginary that people are dreaming up in their heads. Hello, this IS THE ISSUE.
Apologizing is not about getting back with her, but for the OP to see that what he did was wrong, to make amends, and to have a chance for an honest relationship in the future, whether with her or with somebody else.
Apologize if you haven't already and if you mean it.
If that doesn't do anything to get you closer together, you have to get her completely out of your life for at least a good number of months. Not talking about this for a "game" to get her back but you need to get your feelings for her to go away and that is the only way to do realistically do it.
Most people have had this at least once in their life and they try to hang around and be friends because it seems to be the mature way to go about things or hope they can get the person back. In reality, this just prolongs the agony of getting over a relationship and you can't move on to a better life.
If after a good number of months (6+), you are ok and in a good place (according to your friends and family), you may be able to get back in contact a little bit but don't expect anything from it romantically.
D-Mode wrote:
HSP wrote:Metallica? Give us a break you old geezer. Take your Alpha crap and shove it, and your fake story about your new stupid wife you p-whipped old fool.
Ha!
I'm not married and I'm not old!
Have fun being beta!
Hey dude sorry about that.
J.R. wrote:
Conundrum wrote:This invading her privacy thing makes me think that you did that because you sensed something and that bothered you (and you were right). Her breaking up with you because of this privacy thing is not true. Its seems like that was the cause but it just gave her the opportunity, the reason to initiate the breakup.
He sensed that he invaded her privacy, which is the issue she is mad about, not something imaginary that people are dreaming up in their heads. Hello, this IS THE ISSUE.
Apologizing is not about getting back with her, but for the OP to see that what he did was wrong, to make amends, and to have a chance for an honest relationship in the future, whether with her or with somebody else.
You completely missed the point. His invading her privacy gave her the reason she was looking for to break up with him. It was not the cause. When a LOVED ONE invades your privacy you have a big fight you are angry but you don't break up over it.
I'm guessing he was driven to invade her privacy because he sensed something was not right in the relationship. And he was right something wasn't right.
Understand?
You might be right and you might not, but who cares? She left him and it doesn't really matter why. Has anyone here ever gotten back together and had it work out? The one time I did it, we wound up breaking up again and I felt like a moron for getting back with her in the first place.
Conundrum, you hit it on the nail. That's exactly what happened. The fact I looked through her phone has been eating away at me like a disease from Hell. And I've apologized a hundred times since then.
Wow, you sound young.
I have been through a break up that hurt that bad, was that convinced I found that one specific person I wanted to be with, it hurt for a very long time, and despite the opportunity to go back down that road, I am now with someone far better.
Groveling and pleading and talking about your feelings will not get you anywhere. It makes you seems more desperate, and as others have said, less appealing. Many people don't want a sad puppy dog following them and asking to be taken back, they want a strong, confident individual who can say "ok, I can handle an obstacle, I will pick myself up, brush myself off, and move on"... ultimately, that's the healthiest and best thing for you
Furthermore, perhaps it really isnt about convincing her she made a mistake... its about what is best for both of you. Assuming she made a mistake is not fair to her, she made a decision, respect it. If, after some time, you both decide to get back together, it may not be that she made a mistake, but that you learned from the experience and made the decision to give it another go.
In the meantime, as many have said, wallowing in your feelings is not going to help you move forward. Even if you dont want to find someone else, stay busy, live your life. We dont get very long on this planet, enjoy the seconds that you do get.
f 12a wrote:
Conundrum, you hit it on the nail. That's exactly what happened. The fact I looked through her phone has been eating away at me like a disease from Hell. And I've apologized a hundred times since then.
Apologize once. Sincerely. After that more apologies becomes begging and 100 times becomes whining.
When someone chooses not accept an apology there's often other things going on. Maybe this wasn't the first time you'd done something she felt invaded her privacy, or she'd been burned in the past by someone else, or maybe she was just ready to move on from you anyhow and this was the excuse she needed. Or maybe she's just irrational and not worth your time.
Like others have said in these situations judgement becomes clouded. You're there. Hence me calling you delusional.
Its done dude. Even if you manage to get back together, it will NEVER be the same and will only end again except the second time it may be slightly less painful since you already went through it. Unfortunately, you will have wasted more of each others time. Time that you could have spent with someone else.
Seriously, stop wasting your time. Its done, get over it.
Conundrum wrote:
This invading her privacy thing makes me think that you did that because you sensed something and that bothered you (and you were right). Her breaking up with you because of this privacy thing is not true. Its seems like that was the cause but it just gave her the opportunity, the reason to initiate the breakup.
J.R. wrote:
He sensed that he invaded her privacy, which is the issue she is mad about, not something imaginary that people are dreaming up in their heads. Hello, this IS THE ISSUE.
Apologizing is not about getting back with her, but for the OP to see that what he did was wrong, to make amends, and to have a chance for an honest relationship in the future, whether with her or with somebody else.
Conundrum wrote:
You completely missed the point. His invading her privacy gave her the reason she was looking for to break up with him. It was not the cause. When a LOVED ONE invades your privacy you have a big fight you are angry but you don't break up over it.
You are trying to make excuses, instead of being responsible. Based on your thinking, you can treat any woman as poorly as you wish, then blame her for "getting the reason she was looking for" to break up with you. Instead of that, she is supposed to put up with your abuse and ignorance, and not break up with you, which is hogwash.
I'm guessing he was driven to invade her privacy because he sensed something was not right in the relationship. And he was right something wasn't right.
Understand?
Yeah, something is not right alright.
f 12a wrote:
Conundrum, you hit it on the nail. That's exactly what happened. The fact I looked through her phone has been eating away at me like a disease from Hell. And I've apologized a hundred times since then.
You still don't get it. She doesn't have to accept your apology, in particular since you didn't mean what you said, and are still agreeing with Conundrum who is saying the whole breakup is her fault.