Is it immoral to kiss someone who is in a relationship?

It is immoral to live together before marriage, but lots of people do it.

The OP sounds like a lots of people type of guy.

So, this must be Robbie Robertson we're talking about.

Levon Helm wrote:

Thanks viva for your insight. She knows I'm interested at this stage. With regards what I have to offer, I probably beat the current boyfriend in terms of intelligence and social status (I'm aware that sounds very conceited) but he is objectively better looking than me. But girls don't seem to place that much emphasis on physical appearance which I suppose is a good thing.

I'll nudge her towards breaking it off with him, but I probably won't demand it outright because it's not my place to do so.

The Man & The Legend wrote:

DragMeister wrote:

This is probably the wisest thing I've read in a while.

This is probably the dumbest thing I've read in a while.

Earth to nimrod - girls/women are not property. They are human beings who can make up their own minds about how they want to act. As has been pointed out by others, the two people in the relationship are the ONLY people who are in a position to judge their behavior with respect to said relationship.

Wow, look at you putting words in people's mouths and insulting others. Where in that quote do you see anything about women being property or a claim that they can't make their own decisions?

And yes, people in the relationship are the ones who should judge their behavior, but hello, if you're involved in the decision-making process (that is - the one he/she is cheating with) then you ARE part of that behavior, and as a human being YOURSELF, you should judge whether or not your part in that is right or wrong. It's not just about the two people in the relationship at that point. You're involved too, and you can't just point the finger and blame them for making the choice because you also made the choice.

Honorable people don't cheat. If you think there's nothing wrong with cheating, there's something wrong with you upstairs.

ohio bowling wrote:

Drag Meister and Dick Doobey are the same person?

How original

Um...nope. My name is registered and lots of people on here know who I am from actual running 'achievements'.

Sometimes people agree without being multiple personalities residing within the same cranium.

I'm not 100% clear on protocol here, but I think I'm obliged to insinuate that you reside in your mother's basement and lack female companionship.

Wait for her boyfriend to get back and then have a threesome.

Earth to nimrod - You are most definitely NOT in a position to decide what is right or wrong for the girl/woman and/or her current relationship. To think otherwise directly implies that you think you can and should do her thinking for her.

And as far as this juvenile term, 'cheating', please try to grow up. What are we playing a board game or something? The only reasonable rule is to be honest with those that you interact with in order to allow them to make their own decisions based upon accurate information.

Being intimate with this girl does not break that rule. Whether or not she is honest with her supposed BF is 100% her and her BF's business, not yours.

No Ring? wrote:

No ring, no foul.

Or as a friend says,

Ring don't plug no hole.

No, it is not in your place to demand outright that she breaks up with him. That is her choice. Women are not property and you do not make decisions for them or force them to make decisions. Any woman is an autonomous being capable of making her own decisions, just like you and me. Respect that. I always let them make the decision if they want to break things off with the other guy before going any further. Usually they break it off when I have helped them realize something about their current relationship. Like I said, I am not comfortable with sneaking around. That is a bad precedent for the beginning of a relationship.

It is not a pissing contest between you and this other guy. Perhaps you do have some characteristics that are more refined than this other guy. Great, good for you. An intelligent, mature, and caring woman will appreciate you for what you are, and realize that you have more to offer or more admirable attributes than other guys in her life. You simply need to continue being your confident self, which she already likes, and appreciate her for what she is. This does not mean you should be a doormat or pushover and worship her. To maintain a person's respect, you must assert yourself when necessary. But recognize there are things about her that are attractive and you admire. Any woman will be happy to know that you notice these things.

Distance reveals the true depth and longevity of a relationship. If it was not meant to be, time spent apart will prove that.

Some interesting replies here.

Here is my quick story. In college, one night I ended up making out with a girl on the xc team. She had a boyfriend far away back home. She also would always say he was controlling and she wanted out. Anyway, we became a real thing. This last 8 months of us basically being together while she still stayed with her boyfriend. However, she would always say she was ending things with him blahblah. He caught wind of it.. Called me a few times...I'll screamed him out thinking he was just a jerkoff controlling fool. I thought heyyy I'm not cheating...she is..oh well.

She ended u transferring home...being with him. That was years ago and I think they are married now.

Few years later...my new girlfriend cheats on me.. Turns out multiple times. She was telling this guy I was so mean...controlling..etc. It was honestly not true. She was a BPD all the way.... But it had me reflect back. I was such an ass to let that girl cheat on her bf with me. I just was! I wish I could call him up and say sorry. I know how it feels. I bet you money he wasn't controlling...prob a decent guy. Sooo end of story is this. Even though you are not cheating on someone..doesn't make it okay to be that guy in the middle. Its 100% wrong. Imagine if you were him.. I found that out the hard way.

Levon Helm wrote:

I have a good friend who has a boyfriend (who is currently on the other side of the world). I like her and she likes me. For a while I thought I was in the friend zone, but recent events make it clear that that is not the case. Am I obliged to wait until she breaks up with him to make a move? I don't want to make her feel guilty, and also if she cheats on him with me, then a precedent is set and there's a higher chance she'll cheat on me with someone else in the future (This isn't the sort of thing that will just be a casual fling if it happens).

Are my moral standards too high?

Thoughts?

(early 20s btw, if it makes a difference)

If you must question the moral implications of an act I'd say it's a sign you are testing you moral boundaries-hell you even ask if you should reevaluate you moral positions. So go reevaluate and set the boundaries then view the contemplated act in your newly redefined moral world.

Spending my afterlife in religious hell for a kiss is too dear a price to pay- a long number of years of 24 hour a day mind blowing glorious sexual ecstasy is another matter

but that too would start with just a kiss.

Give up you prudish gods and live in the real world where you define your moral outlook/ Live a bit have bacon-cheeseburger at noon on a Friday during lentramadanpassover.

all these things being said if her boyfriend is a Navy Seal like, then you probably should stay clear of her

I get the "do onto others" way of looking at this, but I don't think you need to get there. The simply answer is - do you want to be with a girl who would cheat on their boyfriend? Why not have some self respect and demand better for yourself? If someone is in a relationship, leave them alone for your own sake - because you are better than that. (Although, in fairness, I also do think you should be respectful of others relationships and stay well away. Relationships are hard, don't be a part of making them harder. But again, that is a matter of your own self respect.)

No Ring? wrote:

No ring, no foul.

Every relationship before marriage ends for one reason or another. Sometimes it's because a better fit comes along. If you were in a relationship and you met your soul mate what would you do? In fact if you don't make a move her true feelings for this guy won't be tested and ultimately make her relationship stronger ( if she goes that route). If she does cheat with you, it was never meant to be, and at least the boyfriend learns of her lack of commitment to him before he does something he'll regret i.e marry her. I'd say you owe it to both of you, her and him to make a move. If you don't the results could be disastrous.

Cheating is a dumb terminology. It's like calling someone a liberal or a Mexican, simply because you have a biased and racist view of humanity.

Say my hands feet and body are classified as deadly weapons because of my rankings in various martial arts and other acquired military skills. Because of these facts the parameters of my using hands-on physical force legally are murky at best. The guidelines for using a gun to stop an opponent are more clear cut. This is why I have been granted a CCP.

I have to believe my adversary is using what he believes is deadly force before I can shoot him. I do not have to believe that I think he stands a chance to be successful in his attack just that his intent is to inflict grievous harm.

Should the OP kiss the girl I might be thinking about as a gf now that he is armed with these facts?

Definition of commitment: Pledge or promise, engagement or involvement.

If somebody is in a relationship then they have made a commitment. By lying and breaking the agreed upon rules of this commitment they are being immoral.

Definition of immoral: Not moral, conflicting with generally or traditionally held moral principles.

I think people would agree that lying to someone and breaking the commitment you made is highly immoral regardless of whether you are married or engaged or boyfriend and girlfriend. As far as the person not in the relationship starting an affair with someone in a relationship, I think we can all agree that it is against traditionally held moral principles so it is immoral. And, you are just a jerk. And you deserve every bad thing that comes your way. That’s Karma.

Heya wrote:

Definition of commitment: Pledge or promise, engagement or involvement.

If somebody is in a relationship then they have made a commitment. By lying and breaking the agreed upon rules of this commitment they are being immoral...

Really? How is it that you get to determine how their relationship works?

Thanks in advance for admitting that you have absolutely no clue what you are talking about.

what "recent events" have led you to believe she is into you?

Girls, and especially girls in their early 20s, love attention. You are probably squarely in the friend zone but since she is flirting, telling you about her relationship and how "bad" it is to keep you on the hook you have misconstrued that for her actually being into you.

No, no kissing.

But I do give you permission to hold her hand

Heya wrote:

Definition of immoral: Not moral, conflicting with generally or traditionally held moral principles.

Under this definition, slavery was moral when it occurred.