Did your significant other hate your dedication to running/training?

Just back from my run. While I was cooling down my wife and I were talking about this thread. She said she feels sorry for all of you who made poor choices in life.

may she was unhappy wrote:

Maybe she gained weight because she was unhappy living with you. If so, you are probably both better off going your separate ways.

Are you an elite running making money from the sport or just a hobby runner? If you talk about running all the time, are super skinny, run lots of road races that interfere with other weekend social engagements, if you go to bed early because you are tired from running or because of an early morning run, then I would also find your running annoying.

Were you a willing participant in activities she enjoyed?

There are usually two sides to every story. It would be interesting to hear her take. Sounds like you will both benefit from a divorce.

This ^^^^ is the definitive answer, but I'll add my two cents.

Not saying this is you, but many runners are so OCD about this HOBBY that they are blind to just how weird their obsession is to other people. If your hobby regularly interferes with family commitments, time with spouse/kids, weekend family recreation opportunities, etc., it's going to cause problems in your relationship. If you turn into a grump because you missed a run, it's going to cause problems in your relationship. If you spend inordinate amounts of time on LRC or other running websites, it's going to cause problems in your relationship. But this would be true of ANY hobby - bodybuilding, civil war re-enacting, RC plane clubs, softball teams, whatever - not just running.

If you harbor some dream of becoming an 'elite' or even a national level runner, or if you're obsessed with training at a top level so you can be a big shot at local races, you're better off not being in a committed relationship or starting a family. The only caveat to this is if you marry another runner who is similarly committed and understands the time and dedication required to train at a high level. Then you might be able to make it a part of your family's lifestyle.

I agree with what was said above as well. I know a few married triathletes who are trying to squeeze in workouts in any spare time that they have. These people had full time jobs and kids as well.

My ex-wife and I didn't have kids. It wasn't like I was running 100mpw either, I was averaging like 50 per week during our marriage. After we got married, I took a few months off, and she was miserable then as well.

answer to subject is yes. constant complaining. at 30 mpw too...

Wife Fight wrote:

She did absolutely nothing. I urged her to get active, join book clubs, take dancing classes with me, etc. I even offered a couples painting class. No hobbies, no friends that routinely wanted to hang out with her.

Sad marriage. Did my best...loved her so much...can't fix someone who is that broken.

Sounds like she was very depressed, and has probably struggled with depression off and on throughout her life. Is this accurate? Is it something you guys discussed? Did you ever encourage her to attend therapy and/or get on meds?

well, not sure OP is going to answer since it was 2013. I'm in the same boat. Complains about stuff I enjoy all the time. Has no hobbies of her own.

Wife is depressed, taking stuff for it, but still has times where she is unbearable, stays in bed all night after I get home, etc...

What do you do in that situation? She won't discuss it and says it will just pass. Then a week or more later or maybe a month it repeats.

dealing with this is hard wrote:

well, not sure OP is going to answer since it was 2013. I'm in the same boat. Complains about stuff I enjoy all the time. Has no hobbies of her own.

Wife is depressed, taking stuff for it, but still has times where she is unbearable, stays in bed all night after I get home, etc...

What do you do in that situation? She won't discuss it and says it will just pass. Then a week or more later or maybe a month it repeats.

That sounds rough--I feel for you. What do you do? Only you and your wife can know for sure, but if it were me I wouldn't just let her shut me down like that. She might be hurting so much that it's hard for her to help herself; even if it makes her uncomfortable at first you might have try to get her to take some action, whether that's seeing a therapist, joining some kind of social group or starting an exercise routine. It might not work, but it sounds like the current setup isn't working either. Best of luck--just my .02, of course.

dealing with this is hard wrote:

well, not sure OP is going to answer since it was 2013. I'm in the same boat. Complains about stuff I enjoy all the time. Has no hobbies of her own.

Wife is depressed, taking stuff for it, but still has times where she is unbearable, stays in bed all night after I get home, etc...

What do you do in that situation? She won't discuss it and says it will just pass. Then a week or more later or maybe a month it repeats.

Does she work?

Man, this thread makes me not want to get married ever.

I run, my wife plays serious tennis. I run very early and occasionally she watches me race. She loves when I kick ass. She remarks that I'm thin but I remind her that this was my playing weight thirty years ago. She thinks my mileage at age 62 is kind of loony but we are both high-achieving OCD ers. That's the key: compatible temperaments. And mutual support.

Been married 30 years stared running 20 years ago my wife started about 15 years ago we both support each other but there's more to life than running. Some times we run together or just do our own thing.I like racing she don't care about it.

We both smoked in our teens.

Dam I am lucky !!!!

If your best friend complained about this, and so much else, you'd tell him to shut the f up / whatever and then he'd mind his own business.

Or if he really pushed it, you'd smack him.

One some level, women/wives/significant others, know you can't or won't do those things (most of us won't) so some women take advantage of the fact that you are not going to profanely set a boundary with them, or punch them in the shoulder and tell them to mind their own business or whatever, and get some sadistic joy our of nagging, or negging (negatively hounding) you to the limits.

These are the women you avoid committing to, and end relationships with, and best strategy avoid them all together.

I know, I know, many of them are on their best behavior while they draw you in and then the banshee comes out once you move in, get married, etc.

These kind of women want to bring you down to their own level of misery.

I dated one in college. Years later we reconnected and she had grown, and she apologized for everything. So there's that.

Be careful out there lads.