Make him run to HOMETOWN.
Make him run to HOMETOWN.
Tough Love! No way and tell him why...
I can't believe you're asking US.
The person who needs to "man up" is the addict. I've had addicted violent self serving douche bags in my family too. I'd tell him that the only place you will drive him is to lock up or rehab. If he doesn't care enough about your family and himself to get his shit straight then he needn't bother trying to contact you by proxy. He is no longer entitled to tear your family apart or to be around in person until he pulls his head out. Sounds tough, but he doesn't deserve anything more at this point. Love is given freely, but trust is earned.
mwwwin wrote:
Exactly...by continuously stepping-up despite his lack of concern to make a change, you are just enabling him. He has to hit rock bottom to change - which usually takes drastic measures. You can tell him you love him, but until he changes you are not part of his life. If he sees the light one day, he will thank you for what you did. People say "but he's your brother"...but is he?...do real brothers steal and threaten to kill their brothers? No. It may be leaving him alone on a Thanksgiving to make him wake-up.
[quote]]
Unfortunately, this is so true. You don't help an addict by feeding his selfish wants when he's not willing to help himself or recognize that he truly has a problem.
As for the OP, you need to do what is right for you instead of having a guilty feeling or frustration...whether it be painful or feelings of anger. Very normal what you are going through. You're an adult and YOU are the ONLY one who can make that decision. Just like your brother making the decision to continue to use drugs, etc.
May you find some peace during the holiday season.
From the Nebraska album, " Highway Patrolman"
I catch him when he's strayin' like any brother would
Man turns his back on his family well he just ain't no good
Man, there is only one thing you can do!
Fake that your car has broken down and take a plane or any public means.
Another way is Fake that your car is broken down and exchange it with a friends who live a far from where you have to pick your brother. Tell your mom, that your friend is also traveling the same direction with his family and you so there is no room for your Crazy brother.
End of the story!
Couldn't agree with you more!
dead to me wrote:There seems to be a consensus among people who dealt with people like my brother. Everyone else is just ignorant. Sorry, but it's the truth. He is the way he is because he wants to be.
I have quite a bit of experience with people like your brother, I'm sympathetic to your plight, and don't have a strong opinion about how you should handle this. But this comment shows absolutely no understanding of addiction. It is the most ignorant comment on the thread. You owe it to yourself to read some serious research on addiction.
Seems to me that the addict turned his back on his family and the people promoting the disease model of addiction are part of the enabling problem. Self accountability is where it all begins.
I had a brother like this. He was an alcoholic and stubborn as hell. He got in trouble with the law all the time and spent several years wasting his life away doing nothing. He didn't believe he had a problem and all the drinking he did essentially changed his brain chemistry. Through an incredible amount of hard work and uncompromising tough love, as well as 10,000$ treatment programs, my brother was slowly able to come to a realization that he DID have a problem. People CAN be cured from addiction and much of this "brain-fry" that you describe is reversible. My brother is now SOBER, married and a Lawyer. A true success story. He has the best chance of being cured if he has family that supports that change. Don't just give up on him.
webby wrote:
dead to me wrote:There seems to be a consensus among people who dealt with people like my brother. Everyone else is just ignorant. Sorry, but it's the truth. He is the way he is because he wants to be.I have quite a bit of experience with people like your brother, I'm sympathetic to your plight, and don't have a strong opinion about how you should handle this. But this comment shows absolutely no understanding of addiction. It is the most ignorant comment on the thread. You owe it to yourself to read some serious research on addiction.
He's had to get clean on multiple occasions due to extended times in hospitals and jails. One jail bout was 10 months long and included rehab. Every time he was back to his old ways with hours or days of getting back into the real world. He's been offered help many many many many times. He never wants it and doesn't understand why anyone would even offer it as he sees himself as 100% normal and the rest of the family as the weird ones. Obviously breaking addiction isn't a choice, but making an effort or asking for help is. He doesn't even think he has any problems! So yes, his lifestyle has been repeatedly CHOSEN over the years.
What this toolbag-brother needs is government assistance and money and free education and free housing. he's clearly earned it.
str8 up... ur weak. ur weak cause you let your brother allude his life. ur weak cause you dont have the patience to give him something better than uppers. ur weak cause you can make a post but cant sit in a car for 4 hours and be in control. ur weak.
dean moriarty wrote:
"No offense, Rojo, but you're an idiot."
Why do you ask for advice when you clearly don't want to give him a ride? You come to this board with your brother's meth problems and rip everyone who gives you genuine advice that you don't like. I'd rather get my fingernails ripped out in a Turkish prison than ride from PLACETOWN to HOMETOWN with your whiny ass. Grow a pair.
I bow down before this post and its author, dean moriarty.
Fackin' PWNED.
So "dead to me", what did you decide to do about the trip from PLACETOWN to HOMETOWN?
Did you drive your brother?
Is your mother happy with you?