How devastating is it to find out your high school teenage daughter is having sex?

what is morally wrong about seeking physical pleasure that does not harm anyone, in and of itself?

madrunner wrote:

you compared premarital sex to murder and rape. Get a clue.

And it was a very valid comparison. "Normal" is a society specific term. Your argument was a flop. Why don't you get a clue instead of rationalizing something that is inherently wrong.

candela wrote:

madrunner wrote:

that's an illogical response. you don't have a firm grasp of how the real world works, do you?

The "real world" is an overused, cliché term that people like to spout off on the internet (along with terms like "ignortant" and "climb out from under a rock").

If by "real", you mean actual people, then the majority of people that I know consider premarital sex to be (if not immoral) highly impractical, unintelligent, and generally an immature decision.

I don't know what part of the world you're from, but your ideal of normal is very different than mine, and I believe most people (NOT most people on the internet by the way -- they are not representative of the population at large).

I have found this to be the exact opposite. Premarital sex is very common, exceptable, and is the normal real world. If someone has not had sex by the time they finish college, about 22 years old, then they are the minority.

jjjjjjjjj wrote:

what is morally wrong about seeking physical pleasure that does not harm anyone, in and of itself?

If you don't believe in the concept of a victimless crime and you wouldn't feel guilty about it, then nothing I suppose. But I have a very hard time believing you wouldn't feel guilty deep inside.

the fact that you believe that to be a valid comparison speaks volumes.

By exceptible, do you mean acceptable per chance?

madrunner wrote:

the fact that you believe that to be a valid comparison speaks volumes.

The fact that you think your dumb replies represent what everyone else in the world thinks about the subject speaks volumes too. My turn for a personal attack -- you're not very intelligent, are you? I doubt you're in a science or math oriented career.

candela wrote:

madrunner wrote:

you compared premarital sex to murder and rape. Get a clue.

And it was a very valid comparison. "Normal" is a society specific term. Your argument was a flop. Why don't you get a clue instead of rationalizing something that is inherently wrong.

And it's "inherently wrong" ... because?

Concerned for a Friend wrote:

My buddy at work just found out his 16yo daughter has been having sex with her boyfriend and I swear he has been in a depressed funk ever since. I don't have kids nearly that old and I don't know what to say to cheer him up. He's just so pissed about it. I don't think he likes the boyfriend that much.

Anyway, she seems like a pretty good kid. Her grades are good and I think she's not doing drugs or anything.

It must just be hard to take though because it was just 4 years ago that she was basically a little kid.

Having kids that are now in their twenties, those late teenage years can be stressful. I'm not sure what to tell him to cheer him up. I always told my daughter that I was concerned about her having sex at a young age for several reasons.

1) She "loved" her boyfriend. Thought they would always love each other, would get married, etc. She honestly beleived they would always be together. It is difficult for kids at that age to understand that young adults grow and change a great deal during the college years. In additional, girls tend to attach emotional feelings to sex more than boys. I worried she would get hurt if he later dumped her. Not surprisingly, when they attended separate universities, the relationship didn't last.

2) The fact is that it is the girl that may get pregnant - birth control or no birth control. The girl is the one left deciding whether to have the baby, give the baby up for adoption, or have an abortion. Each of those scenarios is difficult. In additon, having an abortion while physically/emotionally difficult also places a woman at a higher risk of miscarriage or premature labor if she later decides to have children. In almost every case, the boy walks away and the girl is left alone to deal with the pregnancy.

3) Risk of sexually transmitted disease. Look at the number of herpes and chlamydia cases in this country. An estimated 2.8 million cases of chlamydia annually. Males tend to infect women more with herpes than vice versa, leaving one in 5 women with herpes in the age group 14-49. Just those facts alone should worry young women/men.

Today's kids are so bombarded by sex, it isn't surprising they became sexually active so young. However, being ready for sex "physically", isn't the same thing as being able to handle the "emotional" side of sex.

What have you proven except your aptitude for hyperbole and naivete?

Colonial wrote:

And it's "inherently wrong" ... because?

You wouldn't feel bad after premarital sex? Not at all? Then I guess I having nothing to argue against you with.

I mean, if a psychopath doesn't feel bad about stealing things, what good sort of reason can you give him to stop doing it if he gets away with it every time?

madrunner wrote:

What have you proven except your aptitude for hyperbole and naivete?

From my perspective, you seem naive. What makes your perspective more valid than mine?

dude please... just accept that your belief is an outlier. it's OK for you but WAYYYYY outside the norm. we are animals, nothing more. we have a built in urge to procreate.99.999999999% have pre marital sex. (yes, possibly an exaggeration but not much of one)

candela wrote:

You wouldn't feel bad after premarital sex? Not at all? Then I guess I having nothing to argue against you with.

I mean, if a psychopath doesn't feel bad about stealing things, what good sort of reason can you give him to stop doing it if he gets away with it every time?

candela wrote:

Colonial wrote:

And it's "inherently wrong" ... because?

You wouldn't feel bad after premarital sex? Not at all? Then I guess I having nothing to argue against you with.

I mean, if a psychopath doesn't feel bad about stealing things, what good sort of reason can you give him to stop doing it if he gets away with it every time?

Well, 'stealing' is against the law. As is having sexual relations with a minor. Can't recall anything in there about having sex prior to marriage, though.

Just pointing out flaws in your logic, amigo. Keep fighting the good fight!

I miss sex0ring 16 year old girls. Somebody has to do it.

candela wrote:

If by "real", you mean actual people, then the majority of people that I know consider premarital sex to be (if not immoral) highly impractical, unintelligent, and generally an immature decision.

well then you live in a part of the world that is very isolated from the majority.

>90% of Americans have had sex before marriage. You'd be hard pressed to find a population where the majority shares your beliefs.

ClonesRUs wrote:

dude please... just accept that your belief is an outlier. it's OK for you but WAYYYYY outside the norm. we are animals, nothing more. we have a built in urge to procreate.

99.999999999% have pre marital sex. (yes, possibly an exaggeration but not much of one)

Alright, give me some data from a primary source that most people find premarital sex acceptable (not a news article), and I will concede the point that it is premarital sex is "normal".

But it won't change by belief that it is universally immoral and that anyone who thinks otherwise is 1) rationalizing why their immoral behavior is alright or 2) born without whatever part of the brain tells you that what you're doing is wrong.

Facebook Phil wrote:

>90% of Americans have had sex before marriage.

"Have had" is different than finding it acceptable. Many people do things that they admit are immoral and that they regret.

Gonna Stop Now wrote:

Well, 'stealing' is against the law. As is having sexual relations with a minor. Can't recall anything in there about having sex prior to marriage, though.

Very United States and time-period specific, aren't we? What makes you think in year 2200 society won't have flip-flopped on the issue again and decided "normal" is no sex before marriage? The majority's views are always changing, but what the majority thinks doesn't make doing something alright.