Why would any American male get married in this day and age?

"Long-term relationships" can and do meet the definition of common law marriage. Guess what? You're still going to court.

I thought you can only get taken to the cleaners with those if you enter into a common law marriage contract?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the only difference between a common law marriage and a marriage are that the latter involves a different certificate and a religious ceremony. They have many of the same rules and regulations, and are legally the same (though not all states deal with them the same way).

But at the end of the day, I think both are volitional contracts.

Somewhat Confused Male wrote:

If it does last, then nothing of value is lost beyond a chance for a fun party and a moderate tax incentive; I hope people advocating marriage aren't suggesting people do it for the tax incentive alone.

There's no tax incentive for couples with similar incomes. Google "Marriage Penalty"

You do get rights as a couple, however. For example, you can put your spouse on your health insurance policy and it's easier to make sure your spouse is protected in case of your death.

Somewhat Confused Male wrote:

A man can only suffer from marriage. Divorce settlements if the marriage fails, post-nuptual shutoff if it succeeds.

A marriage which includes post nupital shutoff hasn't "succeeded". And don't be one of those guys who blames fate or external forces for the failure of his relationships. More often than not, both parties share the blame for a relationship falling apart. That "post nupital shut off thread" is full of whiny losers who won't man up and make their marriage work. If you put in the effort your odds are much better. (I know there are cases where it's strictly one partner's fault ... but that's the exception)

More like why would women tie themselves down by getting married..

Men and women still get married today because they live in a fantasy world that despite the odds, MAYBE theirs will succeed. The FACT is that 1/2 of all marriages fail and I'd venture a guess that AT LEAST 1/2 of those that remain together, are miserable, but stay together for other reasons (financial, kids, etc).

So why do people still get married? I have no freaking idea

DivorceAtty wrote:

Men and women still get married today because they live in a fantasy world that despite the odds, MAYBE theirs will succeed. The FACT is that 1/2 of all marriages fail and I'd venture a guess that AT LEAST 1/2 of those that remain together, are miserable, but stay together for other reasons (financial, kids, etc).

So why do people still get married? I have no freaking idea

When will people stop using this stat without context? Look up the numbers for college educated, upper-middle class people who wait until at least their mid-20s. It's nowhere near 50%.

not a legal expert wrote:

I thought you can only get taken to the cleaners with those if you enter into a common law marriage contract?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the only difference between a common law marriage and a marriage are that the latter involves a different certificate and a religious ceremony. They have many of the same rules and regulations, and are legally the same (though not all states deal with them the same way).

But at the end of the day, I think both are volitional contracts.

I am correcting you, because you are wrong. Common law marriages are where there was no marriage. It used to be called "living in sin" by religious people and was called "co-habitation" by others. Either way, the couple is sharing everything except for a marriage contract and the same last name. This is why states moved in to protect the individuals, calling it common law.

Dear OP,

I hate you because you make sense. The only solution to this seems to be if you marry a woman who makes equal or more than you do.

asdasd wrote:

DivorceAtty wrote:

Men and women still get married today because they live in a fantasy world that despite the odds, MAYBE theirs will succeed. The FACT is that 1/2 of all marriages fail and I'd venture a guess that AT LEAST 1/2 of those that remain together, are miserable, but stay together for other reasons (financial, kids, etc).

So why do people still get married? I have no freaking idea

When will people stop using this stat without context? Look up the numbers for college educated, upper-middle class people who wait until at least their mid-20s. It's nowhere near 50%.

I've actually never thought of it that way. Do you have links to such stats? I'm not saying you're wrong...I've just never seen the numbers broken down that way.

You are probably young and think message board posters are representative of typical marriages. People that are happy with their marriages don't feel the need to start threads. They are the silent majority.

As far as why would an American male get married, well statistically married men live longer than single men. Seconldy, since more women are getting college degrees today than men, the question may be why would an American woman get married today? If a woman is married, working, and has children, she may decide she doesn't want to take care of a man too. Almost all the married working mothers I know, still do 90% of the shopping for the family, make all the necessary dental, doctor, hair appointments, clean the house, handle the finances, cook the meals, plan for party and holiday celebrations, take the kids for doctor visits and are the ones that miss work when the child is sick, arrange car pools, attend school conferences, make sure the children do their homework, take pets to the vet, and on and on. The men play golf, run, watch sports, and mow the lawn once a week. Seems like the women might be the ones to question the whole marriage arrangement.

madarin wrote:

asdasd wrote:

When will people stop using this stat without context? Look up the numbers for college educated, upper-middle class people who wait until at least their mid-20s. It's nowhere near 50%.

I've actually never thought of it that way. Do you have links to such stats? I'm not saying you're wrong...I've just never seen the numbers broken down that way.

This link has a link to a calculator that uses census data to give the odds of divorce for you individual situation.

This is a state by state thing. In Colorado and South Carolina for instance, if you present yourselves to the public as a married couple that will meet the definition of common law. Even in states that do not recognize common law unions, when a relationship between cohabitants ends in ugly fashion, your partner may elect to hire a lawyer and shake you down in court. (especially if your net wealth is greater than his/hers) Sans a pre-existing Cohabitation Agreement, you could then be ordered to divide your property with --and/or pay support to-- your partner, even if the desire to avoid these obligations was the very reason you remained unmarried in the first place.

I think you already know the answer to your questions about marriage but I'll spell it out for you anyway. Your libido is directly tied to your desire to procreate. In polite society if you want a woman to agree to have your children then you supply the sperm and the care for them. Now you can do this in one of two ways; get married or try to talk them into shacking up for a while. If you were a woman what choice would you take given the investment that she must make bearing your progeny? If you think you're fine not passing on your genetic message then get married anyway for the full on life lessons.

So that is my answer to the physical and social aspect of your question. I left out the financial aspect of your question on purpose because it doesn’t matter. In the big picture who cares whether you money goes to bringing your handicap down to single digits or providing your family with a stable living environment. Even in the event of divorce giving your money away will be for a better cause than what you would do with it so don’t sweat it.

Quit your bellyaching, find a nice gal and join the club. As far as life goes it’s a swell club to be a member of…oh, and see if you can work a deal like the poster who listed out all the wonderful things a wife can bring to the party. You and everyone you know will be better off because of it.

I feel sorry for guys like the OP. He thinks life is like a Judd Aptow movie and I would bet my life that he wears some sort of body spray.

Med School Runner wrote:

Dear OP,

I hate you because you make sense. The only solution to this seems to be if you marry a woman who makes equal or more than you do.

This provides minimal protection.

Hopkinton wrote:

"Long-term relationships" can and do meet the definition of common law marriage. Guess what? You're still going to court.

No common law marriage recognition where I live. If you are living together or thinking about it, know what the law in your state is.

message board wrote:

Seems like the women might be the ones to question the whole marriage arrangement.

Except her downside exposure is statistically much, much lower than a man's.