Spousal weight gain

My wife has turned into a fat piece of shit. I find her disgusting. Her ass is so fat it's like jello. She has rolls on her belly. I'd rather beat off than try to have sex with her.

OP, you need to nip this shit in the bud cause it ain't getting better on its own.

What does her mom look like? If her mom is in decent shape you should be fine - things will probably work themselves out.

Remember gentlemen, you always need to look at a girl's mom before marrying her, because that's what your going to be married to in twenty years. Girls, look at a guy's dad.

I resent that!

[quote]TrackCoach wrote:

I don't want to sound negative and pessimistic, but the truth is, there is absolutely nothing you can do about this situation. It’s a conundrum; if do nothing and she becomes obese, she will ask why did you sit by and allow it to happen and if you say something, she will say you can’t accept her as she is. This is a fate many guys find themselves in and your only hope is she alone finds her back.

Honestly if you hate her, why stay married? Would seem to do you both a favor to get divorced.

Please do not think that a subliminal or underhanded approach is appropriate. She is your wife and you should be nothing less than straightforward, honest, and sensitive about it. If this were my wife, I would sit down with her and express that she has my unconditional love. That being said, physical intimacy and attraction are, quite honestly, important to maintaining a healthy relationship. You are life partners, and it is your duty to each other to be the best person you can be for the other. Her gaining weight, while not only unattractive physically, is also simply an unattractive trait to have. Someone who does not take care of themselves is displaying several undesirable qualities. Say to her that you've noticed that she has gained a few pounds and ask if anything is wrong. Perhaps there is something going on. She may be defensive, or may concede that she knows. In either case, just tell her that you love her no matter what, but that you want to see her healthy and happy and feeling good so you two may grow old together.

I think that offering to "train" her or suggesting solutions is perhaps a bit too presumptuous, at least at first. Give her time to think about it and find her own approach. Be supportive and remember that this is a life-long commitment with ups and downs. In two more years she may be a smoking hottie, so stand by her and work with her.

My wife is hot as hell, fitter than when we met 15 years ago. She told me on day 11 years ago that she wanted to run a half marathon. She has run from that day on... Ran 3:22 just last year. She was never fat, but she is definitely very fit now days.

Fitness is a great thing to share with your spouse, not to mention it sets a good example for your kids.

I actually agree with this post, too, at least in part. I seriously think if you are really unhappy and serious about keeping your marriage intact you should consider a short-term bout with a therapist, just to talk about HOW to say these things to your spouse and HOW to help her. I think it is entirely reasonable to expect your spouse not to become overweight. And I think you should ultimately be honest with her, but the question is how to tell her. What words to use. That's going to be tricky.

The other thing is that being overweight is not healthy, it's just not good and will lead to a long list of bad health ailments in the long-run. Plus your wife can't be happy being overweight. She probably just doesn't know how to solve the problem and honestly needs your help at this time.

another one bites the dust wrote:

Honestly if you hate her, why stay married? Would seem to do you both a favor to get divorced.

Easy for you to say. There's a lot of money involved plus kids and so on. I don't think it's right to put them through a divorce just because their mom is fat as hell now. It's better for me to find some quiet action on the side through Craig's List. She does a good job around the house and is a great mom. She's just become fat as hell.

Decide that you are tired of whatever tedious job you have to supply her with the status/money you led her to believe she would enjoy and you just want to garden for a living. This would be the male equivalent to a chick who conveniently "lets herself go", only women would say their needs/desires are "good" and yours are "bad".

One never really leaves the mating market. Never. Don't believe that you do. Keep your marketability high. Trust, but verify.

Approach her with empathy and inspiration.

groovey wrote:

Dear Don Dingus,

You are every woman's dream. A mature, caring and sagacious chap. You're wife is one lucky woman.

XX

This is silly, of course. Let's say a man is a doctor, marries a chick under the expecation he will have the lifestyle of a doctor, and then decides the stress and irritation is too much and he wants to downsize the "lifestyle" in exchange for life being easier. Every chick would consider that perfectly reasonable grounds for divorce, but it is morally the same thing as a chick letting herself go physically. Owing to differential strategies for mating success (sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive) women and men evolved different mate preference owing to being descended from long lines of folks who reproduced better if they displayed them. So women thinking money and security are "reasonable" is no better or more defensable then men thinking looks are important.

Once you sign onto that marriage certificate, the trap is sprung (see "post-nuptial shutoff" thread). Now it's not just her weight you have to bear (with a smile...let's be caring and sensitive guys!) but the weight of the state who will dictate the outcome of any legal departure.

It's like some "skinny puke" (thanks Connie) who signs into the military to get the benefits but then wants them to serve better food or let him sleep in. Good luck with that.

I honestly don't understand why people allow themselves to gain a guge amount of weight. There is literally no reason be any more than 15 pounds heavier than you were when you were 21 and stopped growing. It looks so damn uncomfortable. The woman look even worse with the huge ass making them have to waddle from side to side.

I don't care how nice of a person you are, if I woke up tomorrow and looked in the mirror and looked like that I'd shoot myself.

I don't even run anymore much but I can instinctively feel when I'm gaining wieght. I can see it just by looking at my fingers. Plus I don't feel like eating as much. It must be painful to eat the amount on a consistent basis to put on 40 pounds, even very slowly.

Free Beer wrote:

I honestly don't understand why people allow themselves to gain a guge amount of weight. There is literally no reason be any more than 15 pounds heavier than you were when you were 21 and stopped growing. It looks so damn uncomfortable. The woman look even worse with the huge ass making them have to waddle from side to side.

I don't care how nice of a person you are, if I woke up tomorrow and looked in the mirror and looked like that I'd shoot myself.

I don't even run anymore much but I can instinctively feel when I'm gaining wieght. I can see it just by looking at my fingers. Plus I don't feel like eating as much. It must be painful to eat the amount on a consistent basis to put on 40 pounds, even very slowly.

I don't think it is the amount of food as much as it is the type of food.

keep in mind these are usually people who have absolutely NO activity in their days. They roll out of bed, get ready and begin eating and sitting. They shop at Wal-Mart and fill their buggies with chemicals instead of food. Their bodies burn little to no calories and they pump them full of foods that the body couldn't burn if it wanted to...

You think your body likes being fed HFCS? No, it doesn't. It hates it b/c it doesn't know what to do with it.

Therefore, these people get huge.

I am with you though, I feel fat sometimes and do something about it. After a few days of healthy eating and hard exercise I am back to normal (gaunt).

I don't think gaunt is for everyone, but damn... I went to the OB/GYN with my wife the other day for our ultrasound. Most of the women were huge cows. I mean enormous.

Funny all of my girlfriends are in great shape. It is their husbands who are all balding with huge guts. What is also funny, is that while women seem to lose self esteem and confidence when they gain weight, men seem to think they are still babe magnets.

As far as your wife gaining weight, women tend to gain weight when they are stressed or unhappy. While a few women might not care about their weight, I think many women are almost obsessed about their weight. (Not surprising considering the scrutiny women receive for either weight gain/loss.) Emotional eating can be a vicious cycle. She needs to figure out why she is overeating. Berating a woman about weight gain won't be helpful.

If she mentions concern about her weight gain, perhaps encourage her to get involved with a weight loss program like Weight Watchers or another group where there is a support system in place.

OP should start complaining about his weight saying, "Damn, I'm five lbs. over race weight!" Or sees a fat woman and says, "Damn, Americans are getting fatter and fatter! DISGUSTING!!"

It becomes sort of obvious what she needs to do after that kind of comment is dropped but it isn't directed toward her. She should be able to take the cue from there.

Good luck with that!

Married a long time wrote:

Easy for you to say. There's a lot of money involved plus kids and so on. I don't think it's right to put them through a divorce just because their mom is fat as hell now. It's better for me to find some quiet action on the side through Craig's List. She does a good job around the house and is a great mom. She's just become fat as hell.

I'm not coming down on you. You sound unhappy, terribly, miserably. I can't imagine she is much happier. And the kids can't be totally perky if both mom and dad are miserable together. You can't secretly have such terrible feelings toward someone and not have them show. No amount of money is worth a life of misery.

man that sucks, obesity is a leading cause of illness in the U.S. it precedes cardiovascular illness, vascular disease, diabetes, hypertension, etc. not to mention it makes you look ugly. you just cant seem to articulate this without some oprah wannabe coming back as "comfortable being plus-sized". when did gluttony stop being an issue? they need to put a surgeon general warning on hostess, and start calling in DHS for parents with fatty fat kids.