Married Folks: Doe's Your Spouse Nag You About Running

Frustrated Spouse wrote:

My situation:

Married with a toddler. I work full time and take care of our little one when my wife goes to work. I average an hour and a half a day of running. I got back into running to relieve stress, be healthy(was 50 pounds overweight), and to set a good example for our kid. I never go out with the guys and drink, and rarely hang out with friends. I've told my wife that I would be more then willing to give her time to exercise. She always comes back with "I would like to but it's just not a priority for me." She constantly brings up my running and acts like it's a burden. I'm frustrated and at my wits end.

The OP and the first guy who responded (who has the same problem) are in for marital trouble. Just my opinion and experience, but I smell issues coming to the surface from their wives. Beware, guys.

And to the women responding... of course your husband's don't have a problem with you running - it keeps you fit and attractive. So, my question is why don't many wives view running in this light?

Mr. Tactful wrote:

[quote]Frustrated Spouse wrote:

And to the women responding... of course your husband's don't have a problem with you running - it keeps you fit and attractive. So, my question is why don't many wives view running in this light?

Because they are afraid that he will become (or stay) good looking and will cheat on her.

No, and the deer and the carp don't either.

This thread effectively expresses the very reason I will never be married. Have fun with letting some bitch prioritize your life and take your money, suckers!

cpaiglesias wrote:

YES!

I have this problem. I run at 5 am when everyone is sleeping because if I run any time my wife or my 3 kids are awake, she gets extremely pissed because

"All you care about is your running, and you leave me all the work in the house while you are running, and you rather spend time running than with the kids... blah blah blah..."

If I go out on a Sunday morning for a long run far from home and come back say at 10 am, when they are awake, she would be wanting to do house work all day long, just to make me look bad and bitch at me if I want to lay down after running a 20 miler. ON the other hand, I'm 100% sure that if that Sunday I didn't go run, she would probably be watching movies all day.

I had approximately the same deal the last few years of my marriage. Had. After I was divorced, she came to watch me PR in my next Marathon and is now and is now an avid runner. I have to talk to her once or twice a week now but I generally ignore any mention of running she makes. My kids both enjoy running and my daughter is a successful D1 runner, totally self-motivated, and I am real proud that she has enjoyed it all these years.

I always tell my wife it's either running or "guns and liquor". As long as I'm flexible if she's got something to do or the kids need to be taken somewhere, I don't have a problem. I still get to go on my every other year solo trip to the Boston Marathon. So I have no complaints.

Frustrated Spouse wrote:

My situation:

Married with a toddler. I work full time and take care of our little one when my wife goes to work. I average an hour and a half a day of running. I got back into running to relieve stress, be healthy(was 50 pounds overweight), and to set a good example for our kid. I never go out with the guys and drink, and rarely hang out with friends. I've told my wife that I would be more then willing to give her time to exercise. She always comes back with "I would like to but it's just not a priority for me." She constantly brings up my running and acts like it's a burden. I'm frustrated and at my wits end.

I have had these kind of talks with girlfriends (which I know is nothing like a wife) but I was really calm and made them know I was respecting their feelings on the matter. Then I said something like this, "This is how it is: I like running; running is good for me; I lost 50 pounds; It helps me be a better father, a better husband, a better employee and a better person. It also helps me feel better about everything else. If you want to take that away from me you are going to have to leave me, because only someone who wants me to be unhappy would take that from me for no reason. You know how I am right now, and how I have been for many years, I didn't get this way by accident. This is not a passing fad with me and I am not going to change how I feel about running. So it is up to you whether you want to stop complaining about my running or remove yourself from the situation that you seem to have a problem with."

Several of my girlfriends have asked me when they see me with a new one, "Have you told her 'how it is' yet?"

Yes, I know that this is why I am not married.

Milo Minderbinder wrote:

This thread effectively expresses the very reason I will never be married. Have fun with letting some bitch prioritize your life and take your money, suckers!

It's called marrying the right person. You are correct that some people shouldn't get married and maybe you are one of them, but the bigger problem is getting married to the wrong person. That is why I only considered someone interested in being active, because I didn't want to deal with what some of these men and women are dealing with.

Funny this popped up tonight, I just had a fight with my wife today.

We both run, but for some reason she gets angry if I double.

Anyway, we got into a fight today b/c I have been meeting a group to run at 6am every morning, and then running at lunch from work. This infuriates her b/c she cannot really tell me not to do it.

After she tried to say I never let her workout (she doesn't work and while she does watch the kids, she has time to work out), i decided to give her some time. So this morning, i got back from my morning run at 7 and woke her up and told her she had 2 hours to go run, go to the gym, whatever. She was SOOOO mad.

The truth is, it isn't a real problem. The fighting is pretty minor, but it happens. We have been together for 16 years and have a great relationship, but I think my fitness makes her nervous.

A lot of women, even fit women, feel insecure around fit guys. My wife is super fit, has run sub 3:30 and looks super fine.

The only time my LW (Lovely Wife) gets mad about running is when I mess up dinner-time with a run. If she has dinner ready when I get home from work and I decide to go for a run, then she gets mad, and probably should be since it's pretty inconsiderate. To avoid issues like that, I always let her know in the morning if I plan on running that night. It helps that she also runs.

Keep your LW informed of your running schedule the best you can and be willing to be flexible, and she should have nothing to complain about.

Another Dad wrote:

A lot of women, even fit women, feel insecure around fit guys.

I'm happy and glad that my husband is finally getting into better shape. In fact, I am the one who encouraged him to go on a hike back when he turned 40. He was never really overweight, just not in good shape and I was worried about him. Today, he is running and looks better than ever. When I noticed how he started to slim down or fit nicely in his clothes, I would tell him how great he looked. I see other women look at him and it doesn't bother me at all.

As a woman, I do notice men who are fit (even women for that matter) and don't feel insecure at all. I think if you feel good about yourself, there is no reason to feel that way.

not necessarily... wrote:

I'm happy and glad that my husband is finally getting into better shape. In fact, I am the one who encouraged him to go on a hike back when he turned 40. He was never really overweight, just not in good shape and I was worried about him. Today, he is running and looks better than ever. When I noticed how he started to slim down or fit nicely in his clothes, I would tell him how great he looked. I see other women look at him and it doesn't bother me at all.

As a woman, I do notice men who are fit (even women for that matter) and don't feel insecure at all. I think if you feel good about yourself, there is no reason to feel that way.

I am sorry, my quote was pretty stupid. I didn't mean all or even most. More like some. I don't even count my wife as one of them.

I think your situation is different though, b/c your husband was not as fit as you would have liked and you were "worried about him."

My wife has never known me to run under 60 miles a week, so she is in a different boat.

I think she is reaching a stage in her life when she wants to settle down a bit with the running. She doesn't want to train hard anymore, and I just don't even see my self running any less. I think this might make her a little insecure.

Lets just say you had a good buddy that you lived with for 10 years, trained your asses off together and both raced very well. You didn't compete, he ran 1,500 and you ran 10,000, but you were both super fit.

One day you decide to let your fitness slide b/c work is really taking off. You are making good money and happy, but you were not as fit as you once were. No more sinewy arms and legs. You look like a normal fit person.

Well, even though you consciously made the decision, it might still irk you a bit. It would me.

On to my original statement though, there are women who are very threatened by a fit guy.

I remember in college, I was hanging out with a girl in her dorm room and decided to put on her jeans when she was out in the bathroom. When she came back in the room, she got really mad at me and felt like I was making fun of her.

Another Dad wrote:

[quote]not necessarily... wrote:

I remember in college, I was hanging out with a girl in her dorm room and decided to put on her jeans when she was out in the bathroom. When she came back in the room, she got really mad at me and felt like I was making fun of her.

I can think of reasons besides insecurity why she might have been put off to see you wearing her clothes . . .

Ummm....yeah, I think I would have gotten mad too if some guy tried on my jeans. Not because he was MORE fit than me, that is just plain wrong....;)

[quote]laker wrote:

Married Folks: Did Your "Ex-Spouse" Nag You About Running?

How did you all miss this?

I agree with the poster who said there's more at issue here than the OP's running. Whether running or not....something would be the issue and is fueling frustration in the wife.

I've been married 30 years and we dated 6 years prior to that. I have run during that entire time. My wife has never questioned my running nor have my children who are now getting through their last years of HS and moving on to college.

My situation is the opposite. The wife gets all depressed if I won't go running with her.

I actually met my wife while my legs were shaved, back when I was in a cycling phase. So things got off on the right tack right away.

Now she is unable to run, maybe permanently, so it might get tense. So far so good tho.

Wise Guy wrote:

I can think of reasons besides insecurity why she might have been put off to see you wearing her clothes . . .

Yeah, I mean, that is the craziest thing that I have ever heard of that happened in a dorm room.

What an appalling thing for Another Dad to do.