Ladies, is there a tactful way to convince a girl to start exercising?

Just give up and don't hassle her. Weight is dictated by genetics and except in extreme cases like famines can't be affected by environment. You might as well try to "convert" a gay guy into being straight.

Accept her as she is and acknowledge the diversity of different body types. Try not to be so narrow and accept that beautiful people come in all colors, shapes, and sizes even if you may not be programmed to find a particular person beautiful.

Living in the 21st century wrote:

Weight is dictated by genetics and except in extreme cases like famines can't be affected by environment.

I hate when my genetics keep bringing me to the McDonald's drive-through.

chocolate covered strawberry wrote:

I know her history very well, but it complicates the question. No she hasn't always been overweight. Three or four years ago she had a much healthier weight. And yes, she is very depressed. I know her life story very well and, believe me, it's worth being depressed over. If somebody made a movie of it you'd bawl your eyes out start to finish. Seriously.

The weight gain is due to her eating habits and lack of exercise, and like I said before, the depression and eating habits have started to feed on each other. I'm worried about the course her life will take from here and feel that an exercise program could make a huge difference in where it goes. But all that hangs on whether or not it's possible to bring it up in a way that doesn't hurt her worse.

Well, if this is a serious depression, has she gone for help? I don't think suggesting a exercise program or jumping into a 5k race will help right away. Sounds to me she needs encouragement and maybe just need someone to talk to...I think a good way to start out is by taking her hiking/walking where both of you can just talk and still get some exercise. Then progress further or suggest an exercise program when she is ready. It has to be on her terms and you should not bring up about her weight at all. Good luck, I'm sure you care about your friend very much.

Bear of Bad News wrote:

Ever see the episode of The Office where the Scranton office is in a competition with the other offices to see who can lose the most weight and Dwight asks Phyllis to come on a sales call with him and then leaves her 9 miles from the office without her purse or phone so that she has to walk back? You could try something like that.

This is probably the best suggestion, except that you should go on a drive with her and an empty tank of gas. Once the car runs out of gas, ask her to walk back to the nearest gas station and get a gallon of gas. Tell her that you'll wait in the car, because you're resting up for a run that night. When she asks you to go instead, tell her "no thanks, the exercise will be good for you!."

chocolate covered strawberry wrote:

Ekiden man wrote:

it's a difficult thing because some ladies dont understand the human body was meant to sweat

Hit the nail on the head. She hates exercising.

She's about 40lbs overweight, and at 5'7" she's not out of control yet. But she's headed there. The way I see it, even if talking to her about it makes her feel bad, if I'm successful then the rest of her life will be way better than it would be otherwise. A good friend would do that, right?

You've got the right mindset. Just be frank about it, and if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to listen to you, but stay firm in your belief that you are only helping and it's HER problem if she doesn't listen to you.

While I don't go with the idea that men were "meant" to play sports and women to dance (I'm not into dancing myself), I agree with this advice. Taking her dancing doesn't tie in with weight at all. It's a party atmosphere and won't raise the emotional red flags that going to the gym might. Other thoughts: check out walking tours of various attractions in your area that are in line with her interests--maybe a tour of some historic houses or gardens, etc. (depending on her interests).Again, weight loss and diet won't be at the center of the conversation. It seems to me she's not ready to hear someone tell her to do something about her weight, but something indirect like these activities would feel less threatening.Ultimately, the decision is hers, and no doubt she's aware of the problem as others mentioned. Thing to do is find ways to make it not feel like "exercise." I must admit, even though I run and do speed workouts etc., for some reason I don't think of it as exercise--I think of it as play. George Sheehan once said, "once you find your play, all else will be given to you."Good luck to both of you!

These are great suggestions. But I have tried helping several overweight woman . . . so what are you supposed to do, devote your entire life (or large portions of your schedule) to doing something that maybe burns 300 calories per hour, then you have to find an event, schedule, coordinate, drive, walk, etc...It's just not realistic. People either want to exercise or they don't and they decide for themselves. There isn't a woman in american who isn't aware that exercise exists and could easily be started if they had any desire whatsoever.

And dancing sounds great but honestly . . . you aren't going to dance every day, and this is a guy posting . . . and how many calories can you realistically burn on an ongoing basis?

I love helping people but really exercise and weight are personal things and people generally don't change unless they want to.

As a girl tell me:

If he were to approach that girl as I said- say to go to a 5K, help him, hang out with him and he brought up that she can do that and he helped her- ran with her to prep her, ran the race with her- that would be genuine. Could that/would that work?

You need to decide if you like this woman enough to stay around her even if she NEVER loses weight. Do you like/love her enough just the way she is? If so, then just keep hanging out with her and focus on the things that are great about her. Is she a kind person? Warm? Friendly? Focus on those things, because it is the INSIDE that really matters.

Beat yourself over the head and say "I cannot change someone else! I cannot change someone else!" You can only make changes within yourself. She is not stupid. She knows that it bothers you that she has gained weight and you are only trying to get her to lose weight because it bothers YOU. It is up to her to finally realize, or not, that SHE needs to make some changes and them implement them.

Move on if her weight will always be an issue. Be honest with yourself on that.....face up to the fact that you are shallow and can't see beyond the outside.

notfat wrote:

You need to decide if you like this woman enough to stay around her even if she NEVER loses weight....

We're not together, and as her ex-husband I don't think I'm in a position to suggest anything. My question is more general. We've kept in touch here and there and our last meeting prompted the question. Working through one of her female friends is probably the only way to go about it... I think she'd just get pissed off if I tried anything directly.