My Fiance Wants me to Sign a Prenuptial

She don't luv you if she wants a pre-nup. Just keep doing her having her give you good physical services BUT shop around for another chick. I love college volleyball girls myself. Yummy.

1) Prenups are stupid UNLESS one of you has a ton of money (better be more than a million, and really ought to be $5 million or more before I'd think she or her family just thinks they're all that when they aren't).

2) Are you marrying her for her money? If not, then just sign the damn thing. Can be emasculating for a man who isn't secure enough to admit that he's the one who ISN'T bringing the caish to the marriage, but just don't be that guy.

3) Your married friends who are only getting it once a month are just missing out. Unless BOTH of them in the marriage only want it once a month, then that's super lame, and the one wanting it more than that should NOT put up with that.

you should sign it. you had nothing to do with her schooling or her establishing her career/practice. just because you get married doesnt mean you should be able to walk away with a big cash payout if the thing doesnt work out in 5 yrs.

HAD you been together during her long schooling and supported her and help assume and pay her loans, and help with her getting established, I'd say freakin way you sign that.

Go talk to a lawyer, you're missing a ton of essential information and each state is different enough that nobody on this thread could tell you everything you need to know.

I have gone through this process and for my particular situation it made a lot of sense. I don't blame a family that has carefully accumulated a decent amount of wealth over several generations from wanting to protect it just in case.

One key fact is that it's not enforceable if you do not have legal advice before signing. In many cases (including mine) the family with the assets pays for a lawyer for the spouse because otherwise the document is useless. So I guess you could go ahead and sign anything without talking to a lawyer and then count on appealing if something happens, but the sensible way to go about this is to tell your fiancee that you will sign if they provide legal advice from the lawyer of your choosing who can then help you come up with a fair document that protects both her family assets and you in case of a divorce.

Also if you two end up with kids it wont matter because that money will follow them younguns. and if your kid is rich, you are rich.

Advice from a lawyer: drop her like a hot rock. As soon as things get bumpy in your marriage, she will throw you out the door like a stray cat.

justdoitalready wrote:

I'm surprised nobody has told you to have a lawyer look over it, just to make sure that you're not getting screwed.

This is solid advice. Get your own lawyer, not to keep from getting screwed, but to make sure that your interests are represented (and if she doesn't like that, *then* you should consider walking). You should pick this lawyer yourself and pay for him/her out of your own money (not borrowed from your future spouse).

I know couples of who pre-nups and couples in similar situations who don't (I contemplated one, but in the end was too lazy to do it). They may not seem very romantic, but not everything about marriage is a romantic union. There is also a union of assets and that is what the pre-nup covers.

Flagpole wrote:

1) Prenups are stupid UNLESS one of you has a ton of money (better be more than a million, and really ought to be $5 million or more before I'd think she or her family just thinks they're all that when they aren't).

This is ridiculous - I don't care if she didn't come from old money and only has $100,000 saved of her own money. She's protecting herself. The OP never stated whether or not he has debts or if he's divorced and has alimony/child support payments - if any of this applies, she's wise to get a pre-nup regardless of how much of her money and assets she's protecting.

Get an attorney. There are issues here that haven't been discussed that your agreement should cover.

Tell your attorney that you want to be fair, but you also don't want something unforeseen to jump up and bite you down the road. A good attorney can write or edit this document to make this a middle of the road document that is fair to both sides.

Ideally, it should be so fair that if the situation were suddenly reversed, all you would have to do is change the names. You can then tell you fiancee that. She'll tell her parents. They'll be skeptical, but their attorney will confirm it. That will start you off on the right foot with everyone.

By the way, some attorneys are adversarial by nature. It comes with the profession. Anyway, you might have to stress firmly that you want the document to be equally fair because your attorney is going to be looking out for you. Getting into a nit-picking contest now over who gets what in a divorce will not bode well for your relationship with your fiancee or her parents.

It should only a few hundred dollars to have an attorney review it and suggest changes... money well spent.

I've been married for ten years. A pre nip is no big deal. We don't have one. But I understand why your girl wants one. Ask her to tell you why. Then move on. As for sex frequency. If you're good then you'll get it more often. I think you know why some guys don't.

You're getting a lot of really bad advice on this thread.

I have a few thoughts:

1. You need a lawyer. In fact, even if you don't want or can't afford a lawyer, your fiancee or her lawyer should probably insist that you have a lawyer to protect her, since the enforceability of a prenuptial agreement typically turns on a number of factors including adequate disclosure of financial circumstances by both parties and evidence of procedural unconscionability or overreaching by one party. Courts tend to be more inclined to refuse enforcement of prenuptial agreements when only one party is represented by counsel, especially where that party's counsel has drafted the agreement, since lack of legal representation for one of the parties is often evidence of procedural unconscionability or overreaching.

2. As someone else ("Mr. Obvious"?) said, there are already rules in each jurisdiction that govern the parties' rights upon divorce. A prenuptial agreement allows the parties to come up with their own contract to modify or clarify the "standard form" contract imposed by the law of a particular jurisdiction. Moreover, keep in mind that there's really no way of knowing which jurisdiction will supply the governing substantive rules if you divorce without a prenuptial agreement. It's not necessarily the state in which you marry, or even the state in which divorce proceedings are initiated.

3. Don't assume that a prenuptial agreement is bad for the party who brings less property into the marriage. Although most prenuptial agreements may be instigated by the wealthier party (or her family or advisors), a good prenuptial agreement should provide value for both parties, and prenuptial agreements are not infrequently designed to protect the interests of the less affluent party or third parties (such as children of one or both of the parties). When they get married, most people have no clue what their rights upon divorce might be if and when they get divorced. The process of creating a prenuptial agreement should educate you about the complex legal relationship of marriage that you're comtemplating.

To the OP.

My fiance and I have a prenup. We are kind of in the same situation as you but I have the money and she doesn't. We both wanted a prenup to have a contract of how the money would be distributed if something were to happen. It phases out over time (a very good idea) and as for family inheritance, if my folks give me the money then it's ours as in hers and mine together. Your woman's parents need to figure that one out, not a pre nup. Her parents can easily decide to pass on their money to your kids rather than you and her.

Our prenup is set up to pretect me, my company and my assets in case it doesn't work out in the short run (thus proving she's a gold digger). My girl was not insulted at all (probably because she isn't a stubborn person) and actually had some great additions too it (we worked on it together).

You are being insulted for no reason. First off, if you plan on being married forever then who the hell cares? Sign it and forget about it. If you can't forget about it... then place yourself in her shoes. My situation and maybe her's has simularities is in the tune of I OWN my house (no mortgage), I have a large 401k already built up at a young age, I make a "good" annual wage, I own multiple cars (no payments), multiple boats (no payments), multiple original paintings, as well as my grandparents are multi millionares and my parents are multi millionares which I know exactly how much I will get upon their passing and even if I were a burger flipper I would be an instant millionare after taxes (and no my parents/grandparents are not going to waste the money away prior to death as the majority is already split out into seperate accounts for their children). VS my gf who has a total of $70k in debt and owns nothing to her name and makes $25k a year.

Hell yeah I got a pre nup!!! And your gf should too. If you were in her shoes you would as well. Quit being a winey biotch and get over the fact that you don't bring as much to the table financially speaking as she does and she want's to protect HER assets from YOU and she has every right to do that. You have no right to her inherritance nor her Dentistry.

Get a laywer to look it over prior to signing, add some in yourself or modify some of it so you and your woman are building it together and make sure it fades out in time.

Most importantly remember that if the roles were flipped (you had all the money and she were broke/didn't make crap for income) you would want one too. So don't be hard on her.

p.s. I didn't mean to suggest that ALL of the advice that you're getting on this thread is bad. But a lot of it is, and some of it is simply wrong as a matter of law.

I'm not going to read the whole thread right now so maybe someone else has broughtt his up. I have seen this sort of situation, I used to a lot of marriage and couples' counseling.

I understand the family's desire to protect themselves so I don't think a pre-nup is outrageous. But I would only agree to one that has a limited lifespan, say 7-10 years.

The reason is that her money is likely to affect your own options in life. Let's say you had a chance to get a full time teaching job that pays decently but would absolutely require relocation. You may find that she'll not agree to the move because she'd have to give up a lucrative dentist's practice and start over again in your enw location. It will take time to build another practice, she'll say, and she'll tell you she'll lose tons of money in the process so finacially it makes no sense to make the move.

So if it's all "her money" and "your money" you'll not be able to add much to "your money" while she's adding a lot to hers. At some point I think it needs to become both of your money, maybe with some part of it reserved for her.

Nah. $100,000? Not enough...causes more grief than it's worth. She can look at his financial picture and decide not to marry him if it's horrible, and I would be for that 100%, but once you make the commitment to get married and take on the world together as a duo, bringing just $100,000 to the marriage isn't enough to warrant a prenup. Got a million and the other half has nothing, then maybe, and at that point it begins to be prudent, but if there's a squabble initially over $100,000, then that's just not good. Marriages end frequently because the couple never really acts like they are married...separate checking accounts, you pay this and I'll pay that...it's bogus. Prenuptial agreements should be used really to protect fortunes, not $100,000. A married couple should feel great together as a couple if one of them is bringing $100,000 into the marriage. Put limits on that and then what's next, splitting the bill at a restaurant?

Mrs. M wrote:

Flagpole wrote:

1) Prenups are stupid UNLESS one of you has a ton of money (better be more than a million, and really ought to be $5 million or more before I'd think she or her family just thinks they're all that when they aren't).

This is ridiculous - I don't care if she didn't come from old money and only has $100,000 saved of her own money. She's protecting herself. The OP never stated whether or not he has debts or if he's divorced and has alimony/child support payments - if any of this applies, she's wise to get a pre-nup regardless of how much of her money and assets she's protecting.

I am going to advocate this from a different angle - different from those who are demanding fair share and equality.

To say it plainly, if one party in a matrimony asks for a prenuptial, then there is UNEQUAL footing financially between the two. In your case, she is making probably at least FIVE times as what you make, not to mention the inheritance from family; you pretty much don't have any negotiating power at all. She has every right to protect herself, and she has the upper hand in this relationship, not you.

If you don't like it, you have every right to walk away from the deal at your own volition.

This has gone on far too long without some pics. I'd also like to request a pic of her mouth if she is indeed a dentist.

Branderson391 wrote:

It is her families money and you are marrying into it which means you are not entitled to any of it...ever. (by that I mean ethically not legally)

I find it appalling when a someone marries for money.

Earn your own money.

Spoken like a trust fund baby. The arguments for inherited wealth (beyond a few things like sentimental property, a college education, etc...) are stupid. How bout' you earn your own wealth without relying on "ma" and "pa." Sign the pre-nup, but not because it's "her" property. Do it because it'll make her feel a lot more comfortable.

Ask her if she wants the prenup or her parents. If she says her parents, agree to sign on the condition that she sign another prenup the next day invalidating the 1st one and changing the property distribution upon dissolution to the community property laws recognized by your state. This will give her something to show her parents that isn't worth the paper its written on. If she says that she is behind the prenup, because you are bothered by this is reason enough not to marry her. If you do, your unequally wealth will make you feel like her slave. Find someone with your own income level. The extra money she has isn't worth dealing with the subservient role.