My Fiance Wants me to Sign a Prenuptial

Twice a week? You're selling yourself short.

Dirty boy Dan wrote:

Twice a week? You're selling yourself short.

If she's 8.5 months pregnant, the discussions could be rather interesting.

I dunno, I have plenty of married friends who say they are lucky to have relations once a month. I am being realistic.

haha, if you were in her position, and she were in yours, I would be willing to bet you would be more enthusiastic about a prenup... and would be getting more support from the letsrun crowd.

if there is a family history of getting ripped off in a divorce, you can understand where the thoughts are coming from. she may just see is as the responsible, intelligent thing to do after what happened with her brother.

writing in a line about relations has gotta be the worst idea I've ever heard. that would only result miserable, disinterested intercourse and a lot of fights about it. I could see that ending a marriage.

I can understand the prenup, though I hate dentists and her family is probably a bunch of corrupt a**holes having a lot of "old money" around.

If I was you I would find someone else, who doesn't make their living by butchering people's teeth.

However if you decide to go ahead, then I'd have the prenup gradually phased out, say over 5 years, or 10 years at the most. And this should be a gradual phasing out, not all at once. This way it is not noticed and there are no "deadlines."

Your level of empathy and consideration for her experiences and perspective on the issue might be just a little less than optimal for building a marital relationship, which doesn't necessarily always occur immediately upon saying the words "I do."

If she feels she needs a prenup, then she doesn't trust you enough to get married. Find someone else.

OP, remember that you are talking to a bunch of girly boys here who mostly hate women and generally do not date.

Sign the damn thing and then forget about it.

prenup power up wrote:

If she feels she needs a prenup, then she doesn't trust you enough to get married. Find someone else.

this

Is she part owner of a dental practice? I have heard of prenups that are in place so that a ex-spouse can't take partial ownership of a practice or corporation and screw over the other business owners.

If your not planning on getting a divorce, then I'm guessing it doesn't make much of a difference. Just sign it and enjoy the married life. And good luck squeeking that twice a week thing past her.

Dan T wrote:

It kind of caught me by surprise. She is a denist and their family has old money. I am a teacher but I have been subbing for years as I was having trouble getting a contract.

This kind of bothers me and came from out of nowhere. She never showed this kind of proclivity toward something potentially straining on a relationship. I do think it may be her parents more than her. Her older brother has gone through 2 marriages and took it in the shorts both times.

I am tempted to write in my own sub parts to it where by she is required to have relations with me no less than twice a week throughout our marriage.

Anyone else here present or presented with a pre-nup? Are you still married?

You should add some other things like, if she becomes moody, naggy, argumentative, or her behaviour changes she is required to attend marriage counseling with a counselor of your choice, for no shorter than once a week for a year.

List out a bunch of phrases and behaviors she is not allowed to say or engage in.

get f***ed, anti-dentite.

dangerous dentists wrote:

I can understand the prenup, though I hate dentists and her family is probably a bunch of corrupt a**holes having a lot of "old money" around.

If I was you I would find someone else, who doesn't make their living by butchering people's teeth.

However if you decide to go ahead, then I'd have the prenup gradually phased out, say over 5 years, or 10 years at the most. And this should be a gradual phasing out, not all at once. This way it is not noticed and there are no "deadlines."

I have a pre-nup with my wife. One of us has significant family money, the other has none.

The pre-nup protects family assets, and also protects our kids from unexpected events. Say she inherits money, then dies, and you two have kids. How does she know you won't remarry a gold-digger who doesn't want to pay for college, cars, etc? Or diverts money to her own kids from a previous marriage?

If you are secure enough in your relationship it doesn't matter at all. If you refuse to sign, SHE will have legitimate questions about your intentions. But you should stipulate anything earned in the marriage is 50-50, excluding inheritance.

I'm female and would refuse a prenup if I were this guy. Seems like she thinks that he benefits more from marriage than she does. And that she thinks little of his money making/money managing skills. And if it's true that he benefits more from the marriage than maybe she deserves someone better. If she doesn't think you are worth risking it all, then she's not worth the trouble. Btw, is that actually a serious thought about putting in how often she needs to put out? Has anyone ever heard of that?

WG wrote:

prenup power up wrote:

If she feels she needs a prenup, then she doesn't trust you enough to get married. Find someone else.

Would you say the same thing if the genders were reversed?

OP I understand you're initial feeling of shocked by this but it is nothing to worry yourself over. If she came from old money then her parents probably told her to get a pre nup. Sign the form and happily agree to marry her. Don't listen to the guys on here that says she doesn't trust you. She does trust you. Good luck your marriage.

[quote]Nup Nupperson wrote:

"If you are secure enough in your relationship it doesn't matter at all. If you refuse to sign, SHE will have legitimate questions about your intentions. But you should stipulate anything earned in the marriage is 50-50, excluding inheritance."

This is the way to go. The key is to establish a base for all money going into the marriage. So, for example, if she has a retirement account worth 100k, then that is exempt from the 50/50 division of marital assets. Keep the base records in a safe place. I speak from experience.

It's not about the element of trust. You never know what twists and turns life will present.

The possible benefits for you financially could still present themselves in the form of gifting or other perks. But, don't expect it.

Lastly, before you put any days for sex on the table, ask for a draft of the prenup. And have others who you trust to read it also and provide feedback.

frozen north wrote:

Btw, is that actually a serious thought about putting in how often she needs to put out? Has anyone ever heard of that?

Interesting fact: some religions don't recognize a marriage until it has been consummated at least once (including, of all religions, the Catholics).

I mentioned this thread to my mom and sister recently, and we had a good debate about it. My sister was ardently against it, for the religious ideal that you make a promise to someone under God that you will be with this person forever, so the pre-nup is, to her mind, both un-needed and indeed an affront to the understanding of trust in the marriage. My mom did more questioning of what each of us would think of different situations, and pondered whether a pre-nup signified an almost indentured implication for the marriage. She seemed to accept it for some people, but was adamant that she was against it when people would suggest it to her and my dad (who just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary). Interesting perspectives.

To my mind, it's like insurance; you neither want nor expect to use it, but you understand that no matter how much you trust someone, it's a possibility. Expect the best, prepare for the worst. It's not a lack of trust in your partner, so much as a presence of concern for your finances (especially if it's family money that is yours only in name).

I'm surprised nobody has told you to have a lawyer look over it, just to make sure that you're not getting screwed. She's from old money and has a family history of divorce, so I would expect a prenup if I were in your shoes, mostly for the piece of mind for her family. She's just being realistic and careful. If that's not the type of woman you want to marry, move on. Remember, you buy car insurance so that you're not screwed if you get into a car accident, you may never get into an accident, but the insurance is still there.