Tell me if I was wrong here....

I can live with being a dumbass. Wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of it. I can admit the remark could be perceived as thoughtless. My husband did make the joke, and his intention was as a joke too. I regret that it hurt my relative's feelings, but I cannot accept that remark was made in an intentionally mean-spirited context, because it was, in fact, not.

Mrs. M wrote:

I can live with being a dumbass. Wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of it. I can admit the remark could be perceived as thoughtless. My husband did make the joke, and his intention was as a joke too. I regret that it hurt my relative's feelings, but I cannot accept that remark was made in an intentionally mean-spirited context, because it was, in fact, not.

It is clear that you are a troll.

You made a mean-spirited remark about someone's engagement ring. That is rude.

Furthermore, you made the remark on facebook, for everyone to see, not just your close group of friends and family. That is insensitive and rude, any way you slice it.

I am sorry.

This is the worst:

My cousin got engaged and had a very small ring. My mother actually took out a magnafying lense to look at the ring. I felt so bad for my cousin. To this day, my mother insists that she really couldn't see the diamond and doesn't think she did anything wrong!

Sandwich wrote:

You made a mean-spirited remark about someone's engagement ring. That is rude.

Furthermore, you made the remark on facebook, for everyone to see, not just your close group of friends and family. That is insensitive and rude, any way you slice it.

I am sorry.

100% spot on. You and your husband have proven to be typical republicans on here before (we make more $ than you, we are better than you, etc), and a-holes to boot, so you & your husband mocking her about her ring is not surprising.

You made the joke because you wanted people to think you were funny, and knock her down a peg. You hoped you wouldn't get heat, because, you know, having to say you're sorry, and pretend to be, is a drag, right?

Interested Looker wrote:

etiquette wrote:

There is no etiquette of social media.

There is your etiquette and my etiquette and someone else's etiquette. This is just a case of two people with different ideas of what etiquette should be

You are both right and wrong.

True, people have different ideas of what is accepted, and what is not.

BUT, when something is blasted out to an unlimited amount of people, tone and content need to be considered.

I agree with the majority here who think the joke was fine but the medium was wrong.

Tone and content WERE considered. And the poster felt they were fine, as do I. You do not. So it would appear we have different ideas as to what the etiquette is.

See how that works?

The Truth Man wrote:

Keep justifying it.

90% of the people on this thread say you are wrong, the only ones who agree with you are those who feel engagement rings are useless tools of the mentally challenged.

Everyday common sense says you made a rude comment on an inappropriate platform. Something we all do from time to time. Suck it up and move on.

And 90% of the people on this board are complete idiots so it fits.

OP: You were fine. She needs to lighten up. If she is so offended by something so incredibly innocuous, especially after an apology, she's a waste of your time.

etiquette wrote:

Tone and content WERE considered. And the poster felt they were fine, as do I. You do not. So it would appear we have different ideas as to what the etiquette is.

See how that works?

Well wouldn't all etiquette require you to yield to the person's feelings? It was a rude comment, as many people have stated. It's not like the comment was benign, regardless of intent. It was a flat-out insult.

You must be rather antisocial.

etiquette wrote:

she's a waste of your time.

Yes, get rid of your close friends and family if they are insulted by your attempts to belittle them in front of their peers.

That will show them.

Blowing Cock Master wrote:

Blah blah blah

POD! Really, it was hilarious.

BTW you hurt my feelings in a public forum. You're one hell of a rude heartless bastard!

One last thing. You're right, we are better than you.

It's my niece and I love her and I would think she would know me well enough to know that I have a light-hearted approach to life and am eternally hopefully others will too. What I find troublesome is that rather than approach me with her sensitivity to the comment (after I tried to reassure her it was joke) she (who is 26) felt the need to involve my 79 year old mother to scold me. It's now absurdly becoming a huge family blow-out.

Mrs. M wrote:

I can live with being a dumbass. Wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of it. I can admit the remark could be perceived as thoughtless. My husband did make the joke, and his intention was as a joke too. I regret that it hurt my relative's feelings, but I cannot accept that remark was made in an intentionally mean-spirited context, because it was, in fact, not.

Yep. I agree that you didn't mean any harm which is why I've defended you against being an "a-hole". Regarding the dumbass thing, not to worry, we've all been that at one time or another. You've now apologized, and if your relative is a decent person, she will accept your apology and move on.

Flagpole,

Although initially my take on this was spot on in agreement with you, I'm not so sure anymore. First, Mrs. M's opening question, "Was I wrong?" I really have to wonder why she would even ask that question after knowing her niece was hurt by her remarks.

Second, the family's and her mother's reaction. If this was an isolated incident why wouldn't some more family members down play it.

Third, the real lack of remorse about it. Her niece who was so excited about her engagement ring became crestfallen at the negative response to it. She never posted much like, "I really feel bad that I hurt her feelings and what can I do to make her feel better". Her thread was more reflective of her feeling of not doing anything wrong. Her delight at the wedding dress joke post was suggestive of a very edgy and at times mean sense of humor.

Mrs M, I know I am tough on you, but I really don't think you fully want to acknowledge the inappropriateness of what you did. To be frank its more than just being a dumbass because your posts reflect higher intelligence but its bordering on extreme insensitivity.

Obviously I don't know Mrs. M and I could be way off base. But that is my sense of it.

This is what leads me to believe she is a troll.

The Truth Man wrote:

for going along with a traditional custom.

"have you ever tried to sell a diamond." edward jay epstein. also has a book available online.

"In its 1947 strategy plan, the advertising agency strongly emphasized a psychological approach. "We are dealing with a problem in mass psychology. We seek to ... strengthen the tradition of the diamond engagement ring -- to make it a psychological necessity capable of competing successfully at the retail level with utility goods and services...." It defined as its target audience "some 70 million people 15 years and over whose opinion we hope to influence in support of our objectives." N. W. Ayer outlined a subtle program that included arranging for lecturers to visit high schools across the country. "All of these lectures revolve around the diamond engagement ring, and are reaching thousands of girls in their assemblies, classes and informal meetings in our leading educational institutions," the agency explained in a memorandum to De Beers. The agency had organized, in 1946, a weekly service called "Hollywood Personalities," which provided 125 leading newspapers with descriptions of the diamonds worn by movie stars. And it continued its efforts to encourage news coverage of celebrities displaying diamond rings as symbols of romantic involvement. In 1947, the agency commissioned a series of portraits of "engaged socialites." The idea was to create prestigious "role models" for the poorer middle-class wage-earners. The advertising agency explained, in its 1948 strategy paper, "We spread the word of diamonds worn by stars of screen and stage, by wives and daughters of political leaders, by any woman who can make the grocer's wife and the mechanic's sweetheart say 'I wish I had what she has.'" "

"Toward the end of the 1950s, N. W. Ayer reported to De Beers that twenty years of advertisements and publicity had had a pronounced effect on the American psyche. "Since 1939 an entirely new generation of young people has grown to marriageable age," it said. "To this new generation a diamond ring is considered a necessity to engagements by virtually everyone." The message had been so successfully impressed on the minds of this generation that those who could not afford to buy a diamond at the time of their marriage would "defer the purchase" rather than forgo it."

Time and place, hun. Face it, you wanted to get a laugh at her expense. Why should she feel comfortable approaching someone who apparently intends to belittle? Didn't your parents ever teach you, "if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all?" Or were you raised by feral swine?

Mrs. M wrote:

It's my niece and I love her and I would think she would know me well enough to know that I have a light-hearted approach to life and am eternally hopefully others will too. What I find troublesome is that rather than approach me with her sensitivity to the comment (after I tried to reassure her it was joke) she (who is 26) felt the need to involve my 79 year old mother to scold me. It's now absurdly becoming a huge family blow-out.

Maybe it's not enough to merely not intend to be mean-spirited. It's about intending TO NOT BE mean-spirited. This lack of self-awareness might be your biggest obstacle to that.

Parlay Vu Fransy wrote:

Well wouldn't all etiquette require you to yield to the person's feelings? It was a rude comment, as many people have stated. It's not like the comment was benign, regardless of intent. It was a flat-out insult.

You must be rather antisocial.

No. Social media is far too new and dynamic for the "etiquette of social media" to have a true consensus. It has not yet been settled as other etiquettes are.

It was a silly comment, obviously intended to not be serious to any but the most sensitive of fools.

You must be a rather delicate flower.

Parlay Vu Fransy wrote:

etiquette wrote:

she's a waste of your time.

Yes, get rid of your close friends and family if they are insulted by your attempts to belittle them in front of their peers.

That will show them.

Certainly get rid of the idiots who cannot distinguish an obviously light-hearted remark from an insult and who then STILL are upset about it after an apology.

Such people are a complete waste of time. They always need to be "handled" and made to feel just right.

Life is far too short to waste upon such wallflowers

Not that anybody will read it now that it has been beaten to death, but most would consider me to be a fairly insensitive male and EVEN I KNOW there are LOTS of things you don't joke with women about.

1) anything regarding their appearance. height, weight, skin, nose, hair, feet, butt, chest, how feminine they are (anytihg that cannot be changed too easily) ... have had maybe 20 girlfriends and none of them ever wanted to be "kidded" (your words) about their weight.

2) how smart they are -- nobody thinks it is cute when you kid them about being dumber than you or dumber than your last gf. If they are really smart they will just be annoyed and think you are threatened by their intellect and if they are dumb then they will feel insecure.

3) never joke with them about their "look" -- includes clothes, makeup, jewelry, car, house, whatever (things you can change). This is a reflection of them as a person. Teasing them about being a loveable slob is not taken lightly like some men are willing to.

There are some things that women take really seriously and an engagement ring is one of them. It doesn't matter what your take on the tradition of the ring is (like these jokers on letsrun), that wasn't what you were asking about. It doesn't matter that she posted it on Facebook. When it comes to an engagement ring, when the ring si presented everyone is supposed to "OOOOHHH and AAAHHHHH" and say "Oh it's lovely!"

Every woman knows this. Even I know this.

I am not going to pass judgment on you or what kind of person you are or your intentions (I don't know you so how could I?). But you asked the question: Was I wrong?

Yes, you were wrong. You never, under any circumstances, put down or make any kind of disparaging comments about a girl's engagement ring ... picture ... or in person.

She is 26 for god's sake and your niece!?! Be supportive and don't question the quality of her ring, which right now BTW is the center of her universe ... or at least it is a symbol of the most inportant thing in her life.

Last, her supposedly being OCD has nothing to do with her taking offense to your comment. I think most women would not want unflattering comments made about something that is obviously important to them and they think it is cool.

One more, why do you consider your relative's comment about your husband working in a grocery store to be "obnoxious", but your comment to be "just kidding"?

Why is some kidding about working in a grocery store considered obnoxious (why is working in a grocery store even considered a put-down?), but your kidding about the quality of the ring is supposed to be considered funny to everyone?