An officer decided to stake out a local pub for obvious drunks getting into their cars and driving. He sat in a lot across the street about a half hour before the pub closed, knowing people would be leaving soon. Sure enough, a fellow stumbles out the door, and makes his way over to a car. The officer sits up in his seat and watches the fellow closely. The man tries to open the door, but it's locked. Then he tries his key, and cannot unlock the door. He steps back, looks at the car, and then turns to the next car. He tries his key again, no go. A large group of people come out of the bar and obscure the officer's view. He tries to keep an eye on 'his man', the people leave, the guy is still there, now at another car. No luck on this one either. After about 15 minutes of watching the guy the officer is thinking, 'this guy is toast, he doesn't even know which car is his and he is going to drive!'. More people leave, the fellow finally find the car his key will open. He opens the door and gets in, but before he starts his car, he lights a cigarette. The officer continues to watch, more people leave, and now this is the only car left in the lot. The guy flips his cig and starts his car, the officer turns on his lights and pulls in front of the fellow as he's trying to pull out of the parking lot. The officer jumps out and runs to the car screaming "I HAVE YOU NOW!" The fellow asked what the problem was. The officer says "YOU ARE DRUNK!" The fellow denies it. So the officer brings his breathalyzer to the fellow, he blows in it, it comes up completely zero. The officer looks at the fellow puzzled and says, "you were all over the place, you were staggering, you couldn't find your car, what's going on?" The fellow responds, "oh, well tonight I'm the designated decoy."
Yeah, it's funny, but seriously, don't drink and drive...