I declare this a good thread.
I declare this a good thread.
From Miss Crow's blog (you just can't make this up):
"I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of conserving trees which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required."
This is the kind of mind that votes for Al Gore, and Clinton, and Kerry and...
dear sheryl,
i am sick and tired of hearing you and your liberal doochebag friends rant on and on about this god damn global warming crisis. it's all a bunch of bullsh!t-a f#cking conspiracy. nobody is buying your retarded ideas about how to save the world, and, in my opinion, its a weak as$ way of promoting your own image. why the hell would anybody listen to a whole crowd of rich famous f#cks talk science who probably never even went to college in the first place? just because you can play a guitar and f#ck Lance Armstrong does not qualify you to tell me how to wipe my own as$.
P.S. in the future i will use twice as much toilet paper when i drop a deuce to cancel you out...so eat my sh!t
I respect Sheryl for having made such a lame contribution to the Green Cause (not a bad cause, actually) that it was doomed from the outset to be the butt (okay) of jokes.
For the record: the pulp that makes up toilet paper is not mashed up out of the Giant Redwoods. It comes out of agribusiness trees--trees, generally quick-growing pine, that are planted and grown for the specific purpose of becoming toilet paper (or bathroom tissue or table napkins or newsprint or whatever).
Becoming toilet paper, you might say, is their whole purpose. The way a medium-rare steak is the apotheosis of a steer.
Swearing off toilet paper benefits no one. It is like trying to Save Our Scarce Indian Corn Resources by refusing to eat corn-on-the-cob .
Now Rosie O. has stepped in to the debate. She asks "Sheryl have you seen my ass?"
http://www.tmz.com/2007/04/23/rosie-to-sheryl-crow-have-you-seen-my-ass
As another poster said, you just can't make this stuff up.
That is clearly not a one square ass.
Dear God you people are stupid.The original post totally took it out of context...if you read the rest of it, it's crystal clear that she was making a joke. And a funny one at that. The rest of it:
"...except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, whose judgment I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out.........."
mr hankey wrote:
And I'll bet you're all the same people that thought that the libs jumped too quickly on Imus. And the same people that resolutely believe (against all evidence to the contrary) that Al Gore claimed to have invented the internet.
There's nothing taken out of context in Sheryl Crow's quote. She's an idiot.
http://www.sherylcrow.com/news.aspx?nid=7786
"I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of conserving trees which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, who's judgement I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out."
I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the heighth of wastefullness. I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve". The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product.. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.
This next idea I have been saving but I will share it with you if you promise not to steal it. It is my latest, very exciting idea for creating incentive for us all to minimize our own personal carbon footprints. It's a reality show. (I feel pretty certain NO ONE has thought of this yet!). Here is the premise: the contest consists of 10 people who are competing for the top spot as the person who lives the "greenest" life. This will be reflected in the contestant's home, his business, and his own personal living style. The winner of this challenging, prestigious, contest would receive what??.... a recording contract!!!!!
We had a great week on our travels through college campuses however the events of the Virginia Tech shootings weighed heavily on everyone's minds and hearts.
Yesterday, we played 2 shows...one at a high school in Springfield, Tennessee, and one in the evening on the Vanderbilt campus. The Springfield student body decorated the gym with bright, colorful posters of support for solving the problem of global warming and even the mayor made a very inspired speech ending with a presentation to Laurie and I with the keys to the city of Springfield. So sweet! What a great day with the high school show being filmed by Channel One. It will go out to 7 million kids in the classroom setting across the States this Friday. That's some serious outreach.
Laurie and I have been preparing for the George Washington University show on Earth Day by tweeking the rundown. My request for the June Taylor Dancers was denied, however, I think the show is still going to be great quality entertainment, while being very educational, motivational, and hopefully, inspiring. All I know is, if it isn't, Laurie and I will be forced to open up a can of whup-ass."
[quote]Lazy L wrote:
Dear God you people are stupid.
The original post totally took it out of context...if you read the rest of it, it's crystal clear that she was making a joke. And a funny one at that.
[quote]
If it was in fact a joke, that woman needs to take a comedy writing class, big time. Why would she write paragraph after paragraph about this and other ideas to help save the environment, only to make that one lousy quip at the end? Mentioning her brother's idea about washing the square was likely a joke, but the rest?
Furthermore, the media have apparently gotten ahold of this and I don't hear them trumpeting that Crow was making a joke. Almost everyone seems to be on the same page on this. I suppose you're the ONE person intelligent enough to get Crow's sense of humor? And if you think her supposed "joke" was "a good one at that," then there's only one explanation. YOU are Sheryl Crow.
The quip at the end wasn't the point...it's not a one-liner with a punch line, it's more like reading a humor book. Maybe "joke" was the wrong word - let me rephrase and say it's pretty clear that her tongue was planted firmly in her cheek. The whole idea is so absurd that it's funny. Lots of hyperbolic language, ironic understatement ("those pesky occasions")...it's the same idea as "A Modest Proposal" but not anywhere in the same league.
Don't you ever have ridiculous conversations with your friends where you dream up nonsensical schemes?
Yeah, I'm totally aware that deconstructing humor makes it completely unfunny, but none of you thought it was funny to begin with, so no harm done...
Hey, at least she didn't ask you to re-use it.....or share.
I'm going to visit the bathroom like ten times a day and not go, each time taking my "coulda-used" square with me. By the time I really need to go I'll have enough squares stockpiled in inventory.
Hey, everyone, look at me, I'm a deep-thinking environmentalist!
TP offsets wrote:
Hey, everyone, look at me, I'm a deep-thinking environmentalist!
No, you are a simple, childish jackass.
RUN CSU wrote:
Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights
And He said unto the people, "Thou shalt feel free to use as much paper to wipe thine ass as needed".
-1284 wrote:
No, you are a simple, childish jackass.
Of course, I forgot, anyone who doesn't toe the Party's line is a childish jackass.
i tired to use just one this morning and got sh,it all over my hand.
never again will i let sheryl "i want you to have poopy hands" crow order me around.
ive been a fool for far too long.
so long cherlys.
Nobody mentioned anything about a party. The only thing the poster was pointing out is the fact that you are obnoxious.
Go away wrote:
Nobody mentioned anything about a party. The only thing the poster was pointing out is the fact that you are obnoxious.
Hey, everyone, look at me, I'm a deep-thinking environmentalist!
If this is satire, then she's satirizing people who want to help the environment, which doesn't make any sense.
ELAINE
what a dope!
uh..excuse me
umm.. I'm sorry
this is.. this is kind of embarrassing but.. there's no toilet paper over here
JANE
(from the stall on Elaine's right)
are you talking to me?
ELAINE
yeah.. I
I just forgot to check
so if you could just spare me some
JANE
no I'm sorry
ELAINE
what?
JANE
no I'm sorry, I can't spare it
ELAINE
you can't spare it??
JANE
no there's not enough to spare
ELAINE
well I don't need much, just 3 squares will do it
JANE
I'm sorry I don't have a square to spare, now if you don't mind
ELAINE
3 squares? you can't spare 3 squares??
JANE
no I don't have a square to spare, I can't spare a square
ELAINE
oh is it two-ply? cause it it's two-ply I'll take one ply, one ply, one, one
puny little ply, I'll take one measly ply
JANE
look, I don't have a square and I don't have a ply (flushing and leaving)
Elaine
no no, no no, don't don't, I beg you
...to be on page three. Where are all the environment fruitcakes? Why aren't the friends of Al Gore on here defending her?