Post-nuptial shutoff?

whynot2 wrote:

based on your comments, we can tell that you have never been married and possibly never had sex... after having sex for the thousandth time, you'll realize why having sex three times a day would be overkill

Agreed. When my wife and I have sex, we make it a 20-30 minute affair (sometimes longer). I can't imagine doing that 2-3 times a day, and I can't imagine making it into just a 3-4 minute thing (which is the only way that 3 times a day could even work). It just wouldn't be as fun, pleasurable, intimate, etc.

whynot2 wrote:

Where did I negate it? Having sex two to three times does not define a healthy marriage. I am not jealous in the least - I am happy with the frequency with which my wife and I have sex. What is silly is having sex with that frequency...

based on your comments, we can tell that you have never been married and possibly never had sex... after having sex for the thousandth time, you'll realize why having sex three times a day would be overkill

See, you are still making that ridiculous claim, "What is silly is having sex with that frequency..." Why is the frequency that someone else has sex somehow silly? Clearly you are trying to say there is something wrong with someone who happens to be enjoying a whole lot more sex than you are. And why do you suppose that would be?

I always love clowns like you who say stupid things about topics that they have no information on: "we can tell that you have never been married and possibly never had sex"

Fact is that I am married. Have been for well over a decade. I am married to a woman who I love and find very attractive.

I personally have a difficult time imagining going to bed with her and not having sex. Same thing in the morning. Do you actually wake up with a beautiful woman who you love and not have sex with her? That's twice a day right there. For me three times usually requires weekends or vacations but twice a day seems pretty minimal to me.

But then again, I am lucky enough to be married to a beautiful woman whom I love. Sorry if you are not.

yes when our six month old is crying at 5:20 in the morning, I feel like rolling over and getting a quick bang in before I go pick him upyou are clearly a troll or a loser or both so from my end, this conversation is over

I'm in a serious relationship, and even though I suspect the PNSO doesn't "just happen" for no reason (even if it seems like it to you men), this idea that I will somehow lose my sex drive is pretty scary.

It's not that I expect that I will always want sex twice a day every day of the rest of my life, although I won't complain if I do. I also suspect that when a guy says that they'd been having a decent sex life and within a year of marriage, his wife got disinterested, she was always disinterested but was willing to play along until she got what she wanted - which isn't a concern for me.

I don't think that not getting married is a fix-all solution - in the past, I've been in a long-term monogamous relationship, and on one hand, I was happy with being unmarried and not trying to manipulate the guy into a proposal, but on the other hand, the "freedom" of not being married was an illusion and the relationship had most of the downsides of being married without the legal benefits. It definitely killed my sex drive (in regards to him at least) when he put down my appearance and acted like I wasn't attractive to him (I'm not sure I was), but I would end a relationship with those problems before it got to marriage, which is why I'm not with that boyfriend anymore.

But there are people posting here who didn't seem to go into their marriage with red flags about sex, and now don't understand quite what happened. That's what worries me.

wow. i haven't visited this thread in a while but i have to say--if any of you are bored or want to spice up your sex life...ummm.. try.reading "Fifty Shades of Grey"...holy moses....................................i had to buy the other sequels...lol

Unreluctant Test Specimen wrote:

OK, inspired by this thread I have been keeping track.

Jan 1 2012 through May 20 2012 my wife and I have done it 337 times. It has slowed a bit from when we were in our twenties but it seems fine to me. So I don't think that all marriages result in zero sex.

All you single guys, don't be terrified of marriage. Just be terrified of marrying someone who you do not really know. Also be terrified of the repercussions of not truly loving your wife (which includes helping out A TON, listening A TON, and making her feel special CONSTANTLY).

Age: 51. Years married: 26.

Ok, since you seem to be in support of this claim let's take an objective look at it, shall we?

This 51 year old and his presumably 51 year old wife of 26 years, whom I might add, are slowing down, had sex 337 times over the past 141 days. That is a rate of 16.7 times per week and 2.39 per day.

On the surface this rate doesn't seem too far away from your morning/nighttime routine. Ok fair enough but even you have to question the numbers if you can get past your own personal interpretation of your love life.

Let's say that you miss a day because of work/illness/travel/public events/ yeast infections/(I won't say young children because, as another poster already pointed out, they obviously must be grown or out of the house or never had time to have children, what with all the sex they were having)/etc. So miss a day here and a day there and now you have to catch up. Missing one day a month means they have to do it with 4% more frequency over the 141 day period. Which in and of itself doesn’t seem like a lot until you want to catch up in a day (they’ll have to do it 5 times the next day) or a week (they’ll have to do it 19 times.)

Now I’m a big fan of making love to my own lovely lady as often as is humanly possible but, dayum, that is a lot of sex. I’m not sure what would be harder; catching up a missed day over the next week or the next months. The cumulative drag of having to keep up the pace, through thick or thin, has to give you a healthy dose of skepticism.

So in summation, you’re projecting your own fantasies onto this troll/rabbit who stole his Master’s keyboard. Sure you aspire to achieve these numbers because you feel you and your old lady get it on more than the loveable losers here at LRC but in reality, if you’re really fair with yourself, you don’t. Am I right?

Case dismissed.

START LOOKING AT PORN, THAT IS A GOOD WAY TO MAKE HER DISINTERESTED

You all are oversexed idiots with marriage issues, apparently.

Go see Dr. Phil.

So, in summary what you are saying is that because your experience is more limited it must follow that everyone else' is as well.

Let me guess, you are one of those folks who think that everyone making more money than you is either a liar or a thief and anyone who is running better times than you is on PEDs. Am I right?

You are dismissed.

Nice comeback dude. You lose this argument.

Unreluctant Test Specimen wrote:

So, in summary what you are saying is that because your experience is more limited it must follow that everyone else' is as well.

Let me guess, you are one of those folks who think that everyone making more money than you is either a liar or a thief and anyone who is running better times than you is on PEDs. Am I right?

You are dismissed.

another option wrote:

wow. i haven't visited this thread in a while but i have to say--if any of you are bored or want to spice up your sex life...ummm.. try.reading "Fifty Shades of Grey"...holy moses....................................i had to buy the other sequels...lol

Bought the book two weeks ago for my wife.

She actually mentioned hearing about the book before I did.

I bought it in hopes she would read it and get worked up a little.

She has yet to read a page. Too busy and tired for even a little light reading.

yetanotherchick wrote:

It definitely killed my sex drive (in regards to him at least) when he put down my appearance and acted like I wasn't attractive to him (I'm not sure I was), but I would end a relationship with those problems before it got to marriage, which is why I'm not with that boyfriend anymore.

This statement upsets me because it sounds like the situation that led to my ex-girlfriend breaking up with me. I wonder how you think this guy acted like you weren't attractive to him. Some women are very very sensitive to any comments about appearance. Almost anything a guy says (or doesn't say) is taken as a put down. I've found this quite frustrating. I was in a relationship with a woman that I was incredibly attracted to (I still am), but she was convinced otherwise. She was convinced I was only with her because I didn't have the guts to go out and find what I really wanted. The truth is that she really was what I wanted. She still is! She changed my life. But I could not do whatever it is that would convince her. I wish I knew what it was because I would try my best to do it. I wish she could tell me.

If you tell a woman that she looks * pretty, beautiful, lovely, nice, good * and she keeps second guessing you and acting like you've insulted her, she has some serious self-esteem problems that you aren't going to be able to fix for her.

My ex-boyfriend repeatedly told me that I was getting fat when my weight was stable at 112 lbs. I have the normal build of a distance runner not at racing weight and have had the same build since puberty. If you're a man and you think that a woman is oversensitive if she doesn't like that you tell her "hey, getting kind of chubby, huh?"... well, good luck with that. I've heard it's a tactic that men use to try to make women feel insecure about themselves? I don't know.

At another time, he told me that he'd just as soon watch porn than be with me physically - and I found out that he'd go downstairs and do so when he could have been with me (and for a while I was doing the initiating until I found out that he'd rather be with himself than me). Would you feel good about how much a woman wanted to be with you if she told you to your face that she'd rather use a vibrator than be with you? I don't think that people should never watch porn or use toys or whatever, but if it's actually preferable to your partner, maybe you shouldn't be with that person?

I think these things are pretty explicit and not oversensitivity. I mean, there are thousands of guys out there who are enthusiastic about sex, why should it turn me on when a guy would rather be with his hand?

She doesn't REALLY think that. She just likes watching you get all flustered and talk about how pretty she is and how much you love her.

Now that I've told you this, don't let her know that you know - chicks hate it when they get called out on their mind games. Keep telling her that she is pretty and you love her and pretend to get all flustered, but you can rest easy now.

yes, I guess you have a case there. Unfortunately I'm only hearing one side of it. I'm sure my ex has some similarly incriminating things to say about me. She told me things about the guy she was with; what a horrible scumbag he is. Maybe, like you, she's telling the next guy things about me that aren't so great. I never told her she was getting chubby. She did have a really nice body but she wore concealing clothing, and I mentioned a few times that I wished she would dress a little more sexy sometimes. She took that very personally. Actually it wasn't that big a deal to me. I think she's totally sexy either way. I said a few things I wish I could take back. I'm still totally in love with her, but I guess she is "over" me.

Married 5 years and we even waited until marriage to have sex. We got pregnant after 3 months of marriage..... game over. The hardest part about pregnancy is having no sexual outlet for a LONG TIME..... I don't care what anyone says, if your wife is sick and dry heaving for nearly the duration of the pregnancy and then has the baby, you can't do a thing to convince her and you might not be sure you want to.

I love and want kids, but I want to have sex as well. Most women will lose their drive after having kids, partly because they might not like how they look anymore.

digghdilhfkduhaf wrote:

START LOOKING AT PORN, THAT IS A GOOD WAY TO MAKE HER DISINTERESTED

You all are oversexed idiots with marriage issues, apparently.

Go see Dr. Phil.

I agree with this. Porn and TV hype sex to make it out to be a surreal experience. Porn actors/actresses moan loudly acting like they're experiencing ecstasy for 40 minutes. Outkast said it best - drip, drip, drop, there goes an orgasm. Sex is 8 seconds of pleasure and then afterwards you're left with the emotional crash because for some reason you were looking forward to sex.

For men, we're cursed with our sex drive. We have this need that we think we need to fill & we let it control us. I envy people who don't let it control them. After sex, I evaluate the experience & I relate it to when I finally won a championship. It's something I work hard for and then once I get it I say to myself the same thing. That's it?

yetanotherchick wrote:

I'm in a serious relationship, and even though I suspect the PNSO doesn't "just happen" for no reason (even if it seems like it to you men), this idea that I will somehow lose my sex drive is pretty scary.

How old are you? I'm asking because I'm a 37 yr. old female; I always had a very healthy sex drive until about 3 years ago, and it disappeared seemingly for no reason I could come up with. I went to my doctor (who is my age) and she sympathized with me and said this is one of the most common things she hears from female patients and encouraged me to go off the Pill (which didn't help anything by the way). Even this doctor herself told me that she also has no desire to have sex with her husband, and forces herself to do it once per week to keep him happy. She said she thinks of it as crossing off an item on her "to-do list" and it works well for her.

In February of this year I made an appointment to see a specialist who will probably put me on hormone treatments or who knows what else, but the kicker is that the appointment is 6 MONTHS from the time I made it because there are so many women with the same problem as me. I don't think you have to be scared of this happening to you, just be prepared for the fact that it might happen, and if it does, you'll be ready to do whatever needed to deal with it.

I'm not married but I've been living with my girlfriend for 13 months and we've been together for about 18 months. I shut her off 6 months ago. Hope that information helps!

Unreluctant Test Specimen wrote:

Also be terrified of the repercussions of not truly loving your wife (which includes helping out A TON, listening A TON, and making her feel special CONSTANTLY).

Or, you could not have to do all that, and just drop 10-15 bucks on some drinks and have a new girl every other night, who is different each time, from a pool that refreshes itself with attractive young women every year.