Join a running group. If you're still in 1:16 shape, there will be few women who you can train seriously with, but probably a few who run in the 1:20s or faster that you can do easy runs with - especially if you're willing to date someone in her early 30s or younger. There's no better way to get to know someone than running easy for over an hour with them. Evening groups tend to be better since you'll have more time to chat after the run.
Just don't be the guy who starts showing up and asks someone out or hits on someone on the third run, or the guy who intentionally runs slowly with only women. And don't flirt with anyone until you know they're single. Better yet don't flirt with anyone until they flirt with you. Also, don't try to work your race PRs into conversations, and if you have to run slower than you want to run with women, don't make a point of it. There is no bigger turnoff than seeing your guy friend caption his Strava post "Pacing Madison's Long Run"
More bad advice.
Joining a running group is a great way to meet some bored housewives.
Weldon had good advice. I was similar situation divorced at 44, Bumble was 10x better than anything else, I never had a bad date, did that 3 months, now dating same girl 5 years.
Let's face it, there is nothing spiritual or magical that happens to make 1 person in the world meant for only 1 other person in the world. There may be millions or even hundreds of millions out there in the world that you are compatible with. Use the technology to not waste time on the others, narrow down to a smaller pool.
40's is a unique dating period and the rules are completely different from when you did it first time around. Women in their 40's are more like we were in our teens sexual drive. The saying goes "flame burns brightest just before it goes out". It is a strange, risky, and fun time to date women in this range. Physically they have already gone over the hill for their peak attractiveness while males are just hitting their peak attractiveness and financially. Avoid the girls that mentally haven't accepted this. Avoid the girls who have given up on themselves and just have a weekly rotation of ***** to keep them "fulfilled".
There are great girls out there still. I hit homerun with my "5 year" girlfriend. She was in 30's when we started dating, hot, great job making $125k, and being Asian coming to America at 18 I think she avoided much of the "domestic" baggage we see.
I got married super early and stayed with my wife for over 15 years before getting a divorce because of a long overdue expression of built up resentments.
I recently turned 40, spent a year alone, and now I'm thinking about dating again.
What advice can you offer about setting up a winning date app profile? Or are apps a terrible idea? What is the etiquette for asking for a girl's phone number at the gym?
I've never really dated before so please be kind.
Half PR: 1:16
190cm/80kg
First, beware of scammers. They are on every site. It might be cynical (and I am much older) but when a hot 35 year old reaches out to me, it is 99.9% of the time a scammer. (The age range will vary of course as a 35 year old hitting on you would be far more likely). It is amazing how many "women" need money for gas to come see you or for internet to video chat with you. Clues that you are dealing with a scammer: messages seem to be non-sequitors in relation to the conversation, immediate request to go to WhatsApp or Telegraph, etc. Re messages that don't seem to flow. First if "she" responds fast with a lengthy test, it is likely a bot or someone cutting and pasting. I have been known to put in something outlandish like "I am really into the dom/sub lifestyle and am looking for a sub. Is that something you are into?" A bot or scammer will reply with something that makes no sense. (I only do this if I am pretty sure it is a bot.)
Most first dates are not going to lead to a second date.
Some people can be really good at texting and then a big let down in person. Some people like to meet quickly while others want more text time before meeting in person.
Remember for a woman meeting a guy carries risks (even if at a public place) that we don't think about.
Do not follow the advice of people on the internet (heck take my advice with a grain of salt). There are tons of "dating coaches" on social media. Some offer tidbits that might be fine for some but not for all. Some (and it is men) seem to be trying to sell you on a way just to get laid. My take is that their "techniques" do not even work that well.
Don't ghost a woman. If you meet and have no interest. Send a text that says "Thanks for taking the time, but I was not feeling the sort of connection I am looking for." It is simple, does not place blame. Most people we meet we do not connect with. Our expectations in dating sometimes are overblown. (And yes dating was easier when we were all in our early 20s.)
Smart that you waited a year. Keep that in mind in the dating apps when meeting people. I have a strong guideline about meeting someone who has been divorced less than a year. For a lot of folks there is an adjustment period to being single and if you have kids that you are sharing custody with getting that routine down.
PS; get comfortable meeting people in real life. Still a lot of that. Go to activities you like because, guess what, there will be people there who also enjoy that activity and you have something in common.
Be willing to talk to a stranger who looks interesting. You will get really good and identifying wedding rings on fingers from across a room.
Yes, I'm a ridiculous romantic, but I still believe I'll find a mate to spend the rest of my life with. So no regrats. Yolo.
You say you’re a ridiculous romantic. I was too. The problem with marriage is that it has nothing to do with romance. It’s about commitment (which you say you value). It’s about sacrifice. It’s about regularly depriving yourself to satisfy someone else. And that’s without kids. As a married man I do all these things but I do it with a heavy heart. It’s not happiness. Feels more like serving a ban or doing a good deed. Not sure that I would have chosen this path as a young man having gone through the experiences I’ve gone through since then. Unless I were seeking absolution from my sins and eternal reward.
Look for 3 qualities- attractiveness, single, and sane. However, if she's attractive and single, she's not sane. If she's single and sane, she's not attractive. If she's attractive and sane, she ain't single. Good luck.
I got married super early and stayed with my wife for over 15 years before getting a divorce because of a long overdue expression of built up resentments.
I recently turned 40, spent a year alone, and now I'm thinking about dating again.
What advice can you offer about setting up a winning date app profile? Or are apps a terrible idea? What is the etiquette for asking for a girl's phone number at the gym?
I've never really dated before so please be kind.
Half PR: 1:16
190cm/80kg
I had a very similar story. Met my wife on Bumble after taking 6 months after my divorce to not date then exploring the dating scene for 18 months. I suppose my wife and I were still in dating mode with each other for another three months. My point is take time to yourself and spend time with friends. Then date around again, exploring different people to figure out what you like. Don’t rush into another long-term commitment, even if you really like the person. Let things develop slowly. Enjoy the post-divorce sexcapades.
A lot of these posters are probably 60+ years old giving BAD advice.
From someone who is 40. Dating has never been easier for men. The average American male in 2024 is either fat, poor or can't lead in the relationship/has no confidence.
No, you got it wrong: A lot of these posters are probably 20+ years old giving "bad" advice because they're still in college or living at home with mommy & daddy. 😆 (this site is loaded with college kids & twentysomething men still living at home that pretend to know everything about life. Lol).
40 is a tough age because there's a lot competition for the shrinking pool of fit, in-shape women (have you seen the obesity rates with women lately? A person would have to be blind not to see how huge middle-aged women has gotten these days).
There are more 40+ year old men who are in the best shape of their life. These guys are going on TRT, HRT & getting jacked looking like Golden era bodybuilders (I see these types of guys all the time at my gym). Then these guys that are balding are getting the hair transplants looking even younger. And many of these guys are coming out of a divorce & want to get right back into a serious relationship.
You think these guys are going to settle for the typical middle-aged divorcee - many who are single mommies that are overweight/obese, on anti-depressants, many struggling financially & generally come with a lot of baggage?
No...they're are going to be competing for the more rarer & fewer middle-aged women who are very fit & in-shape, not on anti-depressants & are not damaged goods from a bad marriage that's left her as a bitchy single-mommie looking for Beta Simp to take care of her & solve all of her problems.
There are fewer & fewer of these physically fit middle-aged women. And some of these fit women become Cougars that will casually date guys 15-20 yrs younger than them. Lol. There are many desperate twentysomething guys that go for the Cougars - especially on dating apps & social media (no surprises there).
It's a jungle out there 😬. And only people out there in trenches know this.
Go shopping at Target ... lots of good finds in the produce area.
Go to bookstores, coffee shops, home decor stores ... it is amazing, women are everywhere!
This is very true. If you are an outgoing guy with a sense of humor you can approach just about any woman.
Best produce line is to pick up some random thing and ask some woman how you know if this is ripe? Or something.
Prior to self checks, I'd scope the checkout lines at the grocery store and hop in line behind whatever good looking woman was in line. Grab one of those celebrity rag magazines and make a witty comment about whatever is on the cover. They will laugh. Women like men with sense of humor. Don't be a creep.
As you can guess from my username, I’m a divorced guy, 42, and live in a major EC US city. Dating is honestly extremely easy. I’m pretty average looking and reasonably successful, but nothing earth-shattering. Honestly, if you just act like a normal grownup—not a creep—there are plenty of available women. I get dozens of matches a week. Get Hinge or Bumble. Be curious. Be not creepy.
I got married super early and stayed with my wife for over 15 years before getting a divorce because of a long overdue expression of built up resentments.
I recently turned 40, spent a year alone, and now I'm thinking about dating again.
What advice can you offer about setting up a winning date app profile? Or are apps a terrible idea? What is the etiquette for asking for a girl's phone number at the gym?
You think these guys are going to settle for the typical middle-aged divorcee - many who are single mommies that are overweight/obese, on anti-depressants, many struggling financially & generally come with a lot of baggage?
No...they're are going to be competing for the more rarer & fewer middle-aged women who are very fit & in-shape, not on anti-depressants & are not damaged goods from a bad marriage that's left her as a bitchy single-mommie looking for Beta Simp to take care of her & solve all of her problems.
Wild to see the casual denigration of people who recognize mental health and use modern medicine.
Gosh, I simply can't imagine how you're a middle-aged loner. Maybe try an SSRI and find the energy to do something other than writing essays on the LetsRun forums.
You think these guys are going to settle for the typical middle-aged divorcee - many who are single mommies that are overweight/obese, on anti-depressants, many struggling financially & generally come with a lot of baggage?
No...they're are going to be competing for the more rarer & fewer middle-aged women who are very fit & in-shape, not on anti-depressants & are not damaged goods from a bad marriage that's left her as a bitchy single-mommie looking for Beta Simp to take care of her & solve all of her problems.
Wild to see the casual denigration of people who recognize mental health and use modern medicine.
Gosh, I simply can't imagine how you're a middle-aged loner. Maybe try an SSRI and find the energy to do something other than writing essays on the LetsRun forums.
Who the hell are you? Some wiseass or one of these twentysomethings still living at home that I mentioned in my post. Lol.
As a widowed middle-aged guy (was married for 19 yrs & have kids out on their own), I'm offering my own perspective of how competitive it is out there with less & less fit, in-shape middle-aged women to pursue.
And since this is a running/fitness site, I would assume most single men here are runners or with a very high level of fitness, who would prefer the same in a woman.
Newsflash: You don't have to effin read the "essay" - no one is forcing you to. Lol (other posters have also written "essays" on this thread - do you criticize them as well?) I think you're just as lonely & struggling with women as I am & you just can't face up to it. Why else would you even be on a thread of this nature making wiseass comments. Lol.
the hardest thing dating at 40+ if you are active is that there are not a lot of active 40+ women unless you happen to catch one in a run club but outside of that good luck the only women you will run into working out are in their 20s and 30s. That's all that hit on me and its not an issue but you have to adjust your lifestyle if you date younger depending on if she likes to go out or not.
Wild to see the casual denigration of people who recognize mental health and use modern medicine.
Gosh, I simply can't imagine how you're a middle-aged loner. Maybe try an SSRI and find the energy to do something other than writing essays on the LetsRun forums.
Who the hell are you? Some wiseass or one of these twentysomethings still living at home that I mentioned in my post. Lol.
As a widowed middle-aged guy (was married for 19 yrs & have kids out on their own), I'm offering my own perspective of how competitive it is out there with less & less fit, in-shape middle-aged women to pursue.
And since this is a running/fitness site, I would assume most single men here are runners or with a very high level of fitness, who would prefer the same in a woman.
Newsflash: You don't have to effin read the "essay" - no one is forcing you to. Lol (other posters have also written "essays" on this thread - do you criticize them as well?) I think you're just as lonely & struggling with women as I am & you just can't face up to it. Why else would you even be on a thread of this nature making wiseass comments. Lol.
Hahahahahaha. You are having a little rage attack, aren't you? That's cute, for a guy who insulted women "on antidepressants" as undesirable.
None of your blathering addresses the disgusting way that you stigmatize women who are, oh my gosh, "on anti-depressants." Also, since when does using medication to support mental health doesn't stop anyone from having a "high level of fitness" genius?
Oh, and you're wrong about me. I'm happily married! Work on your personality and you can join the club.
Oh...get it now - you're a female. 😉 I shouldn't know who else would be upset that I, a male, would dare criticize middle-aged divorcees for being overweight/obese, on anti-depressants, bitchy, etc (I know that gets the Feminists upset these days. Lol).
And btw, a lot of these middle-aged women who are on anti-depressants, anxiety meds, etc, are overweight & not fit. And a lot of them are using food to cope with their problems & have become huge! (there was a thread here recently where it was stated that the average weight for an American female is now 175 lbs! 😲).
And I'm glad you're happily married - because with these high divorce rates these days a happy marriage is refreshing to hear.