Thinking of going to therapy/counseling for the first time. Should I talk to a man or a woman?

You have to answer that question.

Try multiple then pick the one that you think can help you.

Regular posters here have no advice to you, as evidently nobody here has had therapy.

The real question, of course, is whether you should BE a man or a woman.

This ^^

well done for reaching out.

don't constrain yourself to a specific sex - test out lots of different therapists maybe 3-5 sessions each and see which styles you get along with.

good luck!!

Deer Bigot,

Why are you limiting your choices to only 2 genders? There are at least 156 genders you could choose from. Please try to be more open-minded.

As someone else said, props to you for seeking help.

I agree with the people who said to try multiple different ones, and see what works best for you. No way to know until you try for yourself.

i have been to a few therapists. I’m a recovering drug addict with depression issues, so I’ve sought that aspect of treatment before, but honestly, I never fully opened up with any of the therapists I went to, which was to my detriment.

It only works if you trust the process and put in the effort yourself.

Also, to those making jokes about the whole thing, you’re only showing your own insecurity.

And to someone saying that the OP shouldn’t go to a therapist because they don’t live in a Third World country, that’s about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of.

There is no way for someone else to answer that question. I was trained as a therapist (never did it professionally). I had male clients who felt more comfortable talking to a guy. One said that there are things one guy just "gets". (Not sure that I think that is a good thing since it can lead to misunderstandings). A guy friend of mine said he tried seeing a male counselor and could not be vulnerable and open because he did not want to look less manly (I think he chose different words that was the gist).

Some guys feel like they can open up to a woman better, but then I had a client who saw me because he did not want to look like a wimp in front of a woman. (That led to some interesting discussions about roles and how we see ourselves and others).

Also, it can take a few tries to find someone you feel like you click with. It is probably more important to find the right connection than anything else. You will have to be honest with your therapist and yourself.

Best wishes and kudos for being willing to seek help. It is better to do it now that when things get bad and you are in a rough place.

The sex doesn’t matter to them or for their counseling, so it only matters if you are less comfortable opening up with one sex.

He hates Deer?

I’m definitely one of those guys you mentioned who finds it easier to open up to women. I don’t know why, but I just feel more comfortable talking about a lot of things with a female counselor than a guy, although of course that also varies depending on the person to person basis.

This thread is making me think I need to get back into finding a therapist. It is annoying how almost no therapists are covered by insurance (from my memory).

i've found therapy useless, absolutely useless. last time the therapist was actually condescending.

much better trying different meds until something clicks.

I wouldn't discriminate based on gender for counselors but I'd expect a lot of incompetent ones, it's just a matter of finding a good one who's a fit for yourself. Don't get discouraged if the first one is incompetent at their job. Keep looking.

a lot of soft men in places like seattle, los angeles and portland have tried this. Some have convinced themselves that it was a miracle and can hardly recall life before therapy. For others, they realize it for what it is - not much in most cases. Fix your problems and tackle your challenges. That's the answer.

I've generally heard that men often feel more comfortable seeing male therapists and that women feel more comfortable seeing female therapists. That said, a good therapist will be one you click with, regardless of gender.

I will caution you that female clinicians vastly outnumber make clinicians, particularly in younger demographics. Speaking of younger demographics, due to weird woke BS infiltrating psychological training, you probably will want to go with an older therapist of either sex.

Depends on the issue, maybe? Are you married or single? Is your issue regarding same-sex attraction, or opposite-sex attraction? Sexual inhibition? Committent issues?

Do you have a close friend (male or female) that you might discuss this with?

I am kind of put off by the suggestion that you spend months and gosh-knows-how-much-money 'trying out' therapists until you find one who may or may not fit.

I have a particular perspective on mental health professionals-- psychiatrists, psychotherapists, licensed clinical social workers, life coaches, etc. etc. and so on.

I have worked with dozens over the years, not as a client but as a professional service provider. While there were a few very nice individuals, the population was by and large a bunch of fraudulent eff-ups; dishonest, unethical, money-grubbing, money-hustling, gossping, do-nothing frauds.

The incidence of drug-use/abuse among these so-called professionals was off-the-charts. You think your personal history is confidential? They drop your tragedies as casual cocktail chatter, and leave your case files in the trash when they skip town. They mock you behind your back, and belittle you for not having better insurance.

Candidly, the only profession less responsible than mental health professionals is clergy.

Bottom line, identify a trusted friend (male or female) with whom you can talk through your issues.

Failing that, get a dog or cat.