Between family and work, I really have no time for hanging out with friends and really no such need. There are some families of my kids' friends who we will socialize with. But I really have no need or desire to go hang out with friends at a bar or whatever. The amount of socializing I do at work is plenty for me. If I have some free time by myself, I will either play a round of golf or do work around the house/garden. And that is very rare for me.
Find a project group, like trail builders or people who feed the homeless, If you have the talent join the group that actually organizes good things to happen, or engages in just cause fights locally. Even if you don't make actual friends , you are around the right kind of people doing the right kinds of things... eventually they are friends and maybe even find someone to spark a romance....or bring you out of your shell enough that you can get out of your rut.
There are other ways and other seasons in life, Maybe just try hanging out with superficial people for a while, a lot, not bad people just dumber people who play a little more than you do at different things. That dimwit that wants to take you jet skiing, or whatever , just say yes.
Don't let grimness take you over for too long. Waiting for the perfect and passing by the good.
Well if you want friends then you must take the initiative instead of feeling sorry for yourself. Get involved where you meet people amd have peers. A sports team, especially recreational or even competitive level. Or an organization or group of some sort. Or get a new job and befriend your co-workers. There's plenty of options but friends just don't fall from a tree if you're not doing anything except wondering why you have no friends.
I had a pretty decent friend group and always had tons of friends everywhere I went up until I had twins in 2019, then COVID right after. Now nobody wants to get together anymore. We had a couple guys in our group terrified of COVID for like 2 years. So naturally we just grew apart. now I’m like 28 I’m done partying or even drinking, so it’s not like it’s gonna be like the old days. I have one friend I go fishing with and I don’t hang with guys at work.
I find it hard to put any effort into maintaining relations with people I don't interact with face to face on a regular basis. In addition to that I'm never really close friends with anyone, so they're just naturally phased out with physical distance.
I enjoy being alone most of all, but society deems that taboo so I invent excuses for why I can't come, and after a while it becomes ghosting.
Needless to say I have no presence on social media.
Corona was great because the excuse was right there.
And luckily things have calmed down significantly after my peers started having kids.
I’m 30. Seems like people are doing their own thing moreso, and the big commonality between most acquaintances was drinking and going out or sports. Drinking is boring and a lot of people don’t do sports anymore. They have girlfriends or wives or even kids that taste precedence.
People seemed to move to their online communities more during covid and maybe that hasn’t left. So they get satiated by the discourse online instead of in person
Trust me man I was trying to see people... Some of them used the excuse or they were genuinely afraid of the virus. Idrc point remains that my social group certainly dwindled after kids and COVID. And people in their 30’s are lame anyway, and I’m not going to be one of those weirdo playboy wannabes who never got his fair share when it mattered. Settle down already, it’s better for you.
I probably had a dozen or so friends I'd see regularly pre-Covid. Now, I see one of them every 6 months or so. We're all in our early 30s and many have moved for career, started families, or changed radically due to the circumstances we've lived through the past few years.
The way I live my life isn't conducive to being friends with most people... I don't drink, I run/hike which most people aren't into, and I am a single guy. I've come to accept that I'm heading into uncharted territory, a new and unexperienced part of life that I'll need to take day by day. I'm open to new friendships, but I'm not going to force anything.
Weirdly, after about a year or so dealing with the difficult emotions around this, I've reached a place of peace. I kind of like going home on Fridays, working out, and playing Halo or Age of Empires II after. I also work in office and see my parents most weekends which helps me though too.
Trust me man I was trying to see people... Some of them used the excuse or they were genuinely afraid of the virus. Idrc point remains that my social group certainly dwindled after kids and COVID. And people in their 30’s are lame anyway, and I’m not going to be one of those weirdo playboy wannabes who never got his fair share when it mattered. Settle down already, it’s better for you.
Trust me man I was trying to see people... Some of them used the excuse or they were genuinely afraid of the virus. Idrc point remains that my social group certainly dwindled after kids and COVID. And people in their 30’s are lame anyway, and I’m not going to be one of those weirdo playboy wannabes who never got his fair share when it mattered. Settle down already, it’s better for you.
So getting laid in your 30s is weird/bad for you?
No, but guys who get married young don't like guys that played the long game. The "fair share when it mattered" bit was the tell. If I had settled down when it mattered, presumably early to mid 20s, I'd have had limited options as I worked my way through college and didn't have Mom and Dad financing my love life. Funny how much your options open up if you keep in shape, invest in yourself, and accrue wealth during your 20s.