flyingfrog wrote:
The real question- is she hot? Like 3rd world country hot? Brazil, Columbia, Argentina?
Yes!
flyingfrog wrote:
The real question- is she hot? Like 3rd world country hot? Brazil, Columbia, Argentina?
Yes!
As Tim "Ladarius" Gold of Movin' Shoes used to say, "Shop around by checkbook" and to prioritize with worry about "dough first, love later".
jack of tradez wrote:
To the OP. I’m in the same situation other than a few parts. My wife doesn’t work - stay at home mom, and she is one of 8 children. Oh, and my net worth is no where near yours. So I’ve got more in-laws than you and I’m paying, not her. Just like you, I’m fine with it as long as it’s not enabling. I feel good spreading my success with those close to me and there is nothing more important than family. I’d say your and my situation is more common than you think. We just don’t know about it because people don’t feel the need to brag.
Awesome!
At times it is enabling for my wife. We pretty much paid for her parents new cars. We cover the taxes and insurance. Now they want my wife to buy a car for her teenage niece.
llort_vbo wrote:
Blase Bill wrote:
You do come across as somewhat calculating and as having all your wife's financial stats at your fingertips. Its pretty odd. Most men don't care about these things. They are more concerned about compatibility. Most men will never have the choice to marry a woman from a wealthy family.
Were you even in a position to marry a woman from a wealthy family? As many upper middle class families would exclude guys who talk about actual sums of money straight away. Are you good looking, well behaved and from a good family yourself? If not, then your high earning wife is as much as you could expect to achieve, and probably more.
Are you thinking you should have made a predatory marriage? In that case, you should have married an older widowed or divorced woman. Thats a lot easier than marrying a woman from a wealthy family. Not that I'm advocating it. But wealthy families usually know how to protect their wealth.
Love how you game it out here. I really hope he doesn’t have kids with this poor woman bc I see a sad future for him and I’d feel bad if he takes hostages on the way
Not sure if you're taking about me? I don't know what you mean by taking hostages?
I married into a poor family; my experience is completely different. They never ask for help and have insisted in helping us in little ways like putting us on their hulu etc. I am 31 with almost 100k in stocks
OP,
Sounds like you married well, brother.
My long time gf comes from a low class background (raised by single mum, had close to nothing, father in drugs).
Her family is among the most loving, generous people I've ever met. They share whatever they have and I feel really included.
When we moved together they were trying their best to buy us 'fancy' stuff they could barely afford -and that we didn't need. I take it as signaling their best wishes. Hell, they were trying to help us even though we were in better economical position than they were!
I think that many people who have financially struggled during their lifes and who have to say a lot of 'i cant afford it' (in terms of material objects) can really make big consumerist/crazy spending as soons as they have some spare cash for it, like thinking that things that media\marketing tries to sell them are really they key to happiness/dramatic improvement in life. Maybe (as in my case) being a little bit of this medium class person who takes things for granted, in hindsight, can make you more reflective in their 'emptyness' or lack of deep value so to speak.
We make little money and my gf is planning to pursue a master degree next year, so we can't afford to help me them yet. Otherwise I would be very happy to do it, very little money on our part would have a great potential to financially help them.
Growing up in a medium class bubble can make you prejudiced and judgemental towards people who are worse off. Trying to put on their shoes, really trying to understand their values and how life has shaped them isn t easy. I'm not from USA so I have the advantage that I haven't been brainwashed in tons of 'meritocratic' ideology which I guess it helped.
Well thank u for listening to this ted talk
JohnCubed wrote:
I married into a poor family; my experience is completely different. They never ask for help and have insisted in helping us in little ways like putting us on their hulu etc. I am 31 with almost 100k in stocks
That's great!
Flagpole wrote:
OP,
Sounds like you married well, brother.
Thank you very much! Flagpole you're one of my favorite posters here. I've followed your financial advice for over a decade here. I learned a lot from you.
maaaaaybe wrote:
My long time gf comes from a low class background (raised by single mum, had close to nothing, father in drugs).
Her family is among the most loving, generous people I've ever met. They share whatever they have and I feel really included.
When we moved together they were trying their best to buy us 'fancy' stuff they could barely afford -and that we didn't need. I take it as signaling their best wishes. Hell, they were trying to help us even though we were in better economical position than they were!
I think that many people who have financially struggled during their lifes and who have to say a lot of 'i cant afford it' (in terms of material objects) can really make big consumerist/crazy spending as soons as they have some spare cash for it, like thinking that things that media\marketing tries to sell them are really they key to happiness/dramatic improvement in life. Maybe (as in my case) being a little bit of this medium class person who takes things for granted, in hindsight, can make you more reflective in their 'emptyness' or lack of deep value so to speak.
We make little money and my gf is planning to pursue a master degree next year, so we can't afford to help me them yet. Otherwise I would be very happy to do it, very little money on our part would have a great potential to financially help them.
Growing up in a medium class bubble can make you prejudiced and judgemental towards people who are worse off. Trying to put on their shoes, really trying to understand their values and how life has shaped them isn t easy. I'm not from USA so I have the advantage that I haven't been brainwashed in tons of 'meritocratic' ideology which I guess it helped.
Well thank u for listening to this ted talk
That's a very good point! I don't really care for material objects but it really makes her parents happy. They buy so much stuff now that they couldn't afford before, they are almost to the point of hoarding sometimes. My wife is just happy that her mom is happy.
To the OP, you seem like you're ok with it until your last sentence, I detect a high degree of ambivalence. That said, I do admire the fact that some families and extended families can take care of each other, even in circumstances that are not the best as I have seen many upper income families have deep schisms over money and are very selfish people.
My dad was dirt poor growing up, in part because his father died in '41, when my father was an infant. It was a tough time and place (abroad) for his mother to be single. Through a combination of luck and lots of grit, he ended up earning an engineering degree.
My mom, who comes from a working class background (went to college, parents didn't) married him. Her parents and siblings didn't need help, whereas my dad supported his mother until she died, and also provided some financial support to his siblings.
I do think it's hard to be married to someone that has all these extra financial obligations. But I think it means they're a good person. And if you can afford it, like OP can, it's worth it.
investing noob wrote:
They say when you marry someone, you also marry their family and this is true. My family is pretty well off and my first girlfriends were too, so I never really thought about these things when I got married to my wife.
My wife's family is poor. Her parents don't speak English and made close to minimum wage doing factory work their whole lives. She has four siblings. She somehow became very successful, even though she grew up in one of the worst school districts in the state. Her two brothers are dead beats. Her two sisters live paycheck to paycheck.
We're pretty happy now. We are lucky to have relatively high paying jobs. My wife helps out her family financially. At first it annoyed me because we have a joint account. But now I'm okay with it. She makes more than me so I can't really complain. In the future when her parents are older, we'll see. We have one child and another on the way.
Our net worth is about 1.3mil, late 30s so we're not struggling. My wife gives her parents around 10-15% of her take home pay per year. She bails them out anytime they are in trouble. Her sister got married last year and my wife paid for every meal for 11 family members, everyday for a week. Things like this would ruin some people's marriages. I look at it as having a good heart. She would not be here without her family, after all.
So for any young guys out there, make sure you know what you're getting into.
It actually seems like you are an underachiever.
Clearly she is helping out her family.
You included.
Good for her. Its great to know there are good people around in successful positions.
She will alawys be successful. Its your job to meet expectations.
How was the family and how did they treat you before you and your wife were not as well off? I can understand your wife wanting to pay them back for their hard work (maybe almost empathize due to the Asian thing). One thing you won't need to worry about is your wife's innate frugality and appreciation for money with her upbringing.
There are plenty of rich families with adult children who are deadbeats and live parent handout to handout.
Congratulations on having another child on the way! Does her family watch/babysit your current child or help out at all with that? That stuff seems priceless if it's nearly nonexistent (like our situation where our extended family has babysat or even helped with any type of child rearing literally once or twice a year).
Oh la ladida wrote:
How was the family and how did they treat you before you and your wife were not as well off? I can understand your wife wanting to pay them back for their hard work (maybe almost empathize due to the Asian thing). One thing you won't need to worry about is your wife's innate frugality and appreciation for money with her upbringing.
There are plenty of rich families with adult children who are deadbeats and live parent handout to handout.
Congratulations on having another child on the way! Does her family watch/babysit your current child or help out at all with that? That stuff seems priceless if it's nearly nonexistent (like our situation where our extended family has babysat or even helped with any type of child rearing literally once or twice a year).
Thank you!
They were always kind to me even when I was a struggling student. Always offered meals, very nice.
Her parents don't help with childcare. Her mom stayed with us for the first two weeks after he was born. She attempted to change a diaper once in the middle of the night, but her eyesight is poor so she wasn't successful. We live about an hour away. We bring our son to their house to visit because they don't like to drive. We hired a nanny and our son goes to preschool.
stan the corgi wrote:
To the OP, you seem like you're ok with it until your last sentence, I detect a high degree of ambivalence. That said, I do admire the fact that some families and extended families can take care of each other, even in circumstances that are not the best as I have seen many upper income families have deep schisms over money and are very selfish people.
Yeah, I'm definitely okay with it now. We bought a new car for her mom, then a new car for her Dad. Those seemed like pretty big expenses to me at the time, especially since I still drive me old 13 year old Accord. But now they are asking for more expensive things.
At first they wanted to sell their house and retire in a small house in California. We can't really afford that since houses there cost like 800k. Now they want to be snow birds, keeping their house in New England and also having us buy them a house in California. That we definitely can't afford. So I'm not really sure what will come of it when the time comes.
Seems like an odd kind of question, but running with the theme.
What do your parents bring financially to the table OP?
Blase Bill wrote:
Seems like an odd kind of question, but running with the theme.
What do your parents bring financially to the table OP?
Nothing. My mom passed away when I was a child. My Dad cheated on her and left her for dead, then married an evil step mom. I moved out of the house at 18 and haven't talked to my Dad in almost ten years.
I take that back, they took away from me financially. My Dad and evil stepmom claimed me as a dependent on their taxes when I was in college, even though they didn't give me a cent. So when I was a poor undergrad, I had like $381 in my bank account and owed $300 in taxes because they claimed me as a dependent. If I were not claimed as a dependent then I would have gotten a tax refund when I needed it the most.
what do you do for enjoyment? Hobbies, Are you passionate about anything?
Where do you find the fulfilment in your life?
I’m a D2 female runner. Our coach explicitly told us not to visit LetsRun forums.
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