Posters over 40, what is your biggest regret?

My absolute biggest regret is being extremely selfish and not having children. I got married late in life, and really enjoyed the married life, but not having the responsibility of children. We took some awesome trips, have a nice house, cars, etc. My wife eventually wanted to start having kids, but I wasn't so sure. It lead to many difficulties in our marriage, and I am very fortunate that I am still married. Now, my wife is too old to have children and isn't interested in adopting. It sucks being in your mid-50s, and seeing family members and friends with children and grandchildren, and knowing that we missed out on this part of our life. My advice to married couples is have children when you are young. Things will always work out financially. Don't live with the same regret that I do. Materials goods, etc. can't replace having children!

1. Anxiously taking running too seriously:

Obsessing about mileage and pushing myself too much not at the right time

Not racing when fit and waiting for that perfect race to come about

Dropping out of races when my head was a mess

Staying on campus during winter break to stay fit and missing time with loved ones, some who have now passed.

2. Anxiously taking women and dating too seriously:

Not approaching many women out of fear of rejection or someone getting hurt later

Looking way too much for “the one” and not just having fun

Robert E . Lee wrote:

I wish I would have had a job that I was good at and appreciated for.

I wish I would have been good enough to attend West Point, then Ranger School, then SF.

I did have a career but it was like a pin ball machine.

I wish when my wife told me for the first 11 years that she was getting Tegretol prescriptions based on one seizure episode ( years before I met her) never had another episode but kept taking it to prevent it.... that some doctor in the process would not have renewed the prescription and figured it out..

It ended up being a brain tumor and killed her 1/15/2014.

oh man. i'm so sorry. that kind of thing just eats at you for what could have been.

1. Not taking academics more seriously in HS and college. I coasted unless i had an instructor that challenged me.

2. Not going away to college because i had a steady retail job that i didn't want to leave. lived at home till i was 24.

3. Running way too hard for the first 4 years i got into the sport. If i would have backed off and focused on LSD, i would have been faster and not fallen apart after 10 years

My mom died at 35 and my dad at 46, I'm 58 1/2 and just got the top rating and fee structure for a new 20 year life insurance policy. Everything else is just dumb shat.

wasting time on this sh%t website. Thinking that people here legitimately cared about running and not pushing their own agendas....especially Rojo

Alton Towers..it’s rubbish.

yes yes yes wrote:

Swaglord_the_real_one_1_one_1 wrote:

Hah damn, I'm nearing the same situation. I wonder what the best thing is... do you settle a bit? Do you just let it naturally take it's course and wait for an ultimatum? Throw a hail mary and try to open it up and date other girls too? I feel bad about taking their "best years" after a point. Super warm, kind (sometimes I wonder if it's a trap though), good energy, prob at least 7.5/10 looks. Never been a b*tch and never argued. Dating 1.5 years.

From my experience, you don't want to rush the decision and you will know when it feels right. But what has worked well for me is once you make a decision, don't waste your energy worrying if it was the right one, use that energy to make your decisions work.

Exactly right, that's my experience. If it feels consistently untrustworthy, if there are more that occasional signs that it's not right then keep moving. I did waste time worrying about a wrong one after the fact, and it kept my head in the wrong space. When the right one came along at the right time, I never looked back again and put all energy into continuing to delight the right one. It can happen, though as implied timing has so much to do with it. I was also truly free, I had accepted being alone yet was committed to the habits that would be most appealing to a match. It took a long time for me to really understand what "being the right person" actually meant. It worked out great for me but I also know that it very well might not have.

I am amazed at how horny all my 62 year old lady friends from high school are. I assume they were then, as well. If only......

Regret being so pigheaded about having a music career. Should have followed my natural abilities. Regret taking so long to get my ego under control.

In running wish I'd have matched my hard work and training with a much greater willingness to take chances and just go for it sometimes!

Otherwise, I did it "my way," too, and much of it was a hell of a good time! Regretless in Norcal.....

Swaglord_the_real_one_1_one_1 wrote:

regret_pandora wrote:

- not marrying/committing to my Japanese gf (this is a recent burn), who loved me more than anyone else ever, just because i thought i could do better (4 yrs on, still haven't)

Hah damn, I'm nearing the same situation. I wonder what the best thing is... do you settle a bit? Do you just let it naturally take it's course and wait for an ultimatum? Throw a hail mary and try to open it up and date other girls too? I feel bad about taking their "best years" after a point. Super warm, kind (sometimes I wonder if it's a trap though), good energy, prob at least 7.5/10 looks. Never been a b*tch and never argued. Dating 1.5 years.

You need to get out of the mindset of settling. Either the person is good enough or they aren't. Your GF being an 8.5 instead of a 7.5 will not change anything if you are getting horny every time you see your 7.5. Making 200k instead of 150k isn't a game changer. And so on. You don't need perfection to be happy. You need need good enough. Now where that line is hard to say. You need to decide if something is a deal breaker or not. It is real easy to overlook stuff in the first 2 years that will grind on you after 10......

As far as opening it up, just remember it is a lot easier for girls to get dates than guys. And surely you don't hold a double standard idea where it is ok for you to bang other chicks and not for her to bang ever guy she want.:)

What 70s bands are you thinking of?

Ph.D

No regrets. Even the bad things have made me the person I am today, and I'm comfortable with where I am. Could things be better based off different decisions? Sure, but I can't say I regret the things I can't change today. On the other note, I do regret getting hit by a car today. Got to spend at least a night in the hospital and miss Christmas morning with my girls.

flyinghighrunner wrote:

No regrets. Even the bad things have made me the person I am today, and I'm comfortable with where I am. Could things be better based off different decisions? Sure, but I can't say I regret the things I can't change today. On the other note, I do regret getting hit by a car today. Got to spend at least a night in the hospital and miss Christmas morning with my girls.

Sorry to hear that and hope you heal well, and can enjoy the rest of the holdiays. Take care.

I'm 60. My biggest, by far, regret is wasting my high school years. I was very smart but absolutely WASTED my time with a bunch of moran dope-smoking lazy P'sOS (myself very much included there) the whole time. Instead the dope-smoking made me lazy and I never really emotionally matured beyond about16 years of age. I did go on to scrape through a BSEE and have a decent life but .... I coulda been a contender!

I'm happy to have very few regrets in my 68 years so far.

Not quite a full regret, but I wish I had done military service at some point in my life.

I’m tempted to say I regret a couple relationship decisions (ending things too early or staying with someone too long) and then dwelling on those “mistakes” for way too long. I was also more sheltered than I realized growing up in a Christian school, came to college with some inhibitions I didn’t know I had and didn’t really understand or embrace some of the opportunities you have when you’re young until quite a bit later.

But really if I could change just one thing I think I would be more honest my entire life. I was never a dishonest person but kids are often shy or embarrassed and things seem really important at the time that later turn out to just be just a small part of the past. If I had just been totally able to be myself and totally honest with myself about how I felt at any given time and then perpetually honest with friends, parents, teachers, girlfriends etc. about interests, aspirations, worries, fears, joys, emotions etc. I could have probably could have had perpetually meaningful relationships and eliminated some wastes of time. Kids have to figure stuff out so this is probably too much to ask but it would have been cool.

No regrets. If I could go back to earlier years with the knowledge and confidence I have now, I certainly would do things differently, but I don't regret the way things went. After 40, I don't feel like I missed something; instead, I feel like I have so much life ahead of me.

I do know I could have run a faster marathon time if I had trained at 25 with the wisdom I have at 42; on the other hand, I would have missed out on a lot of other great adventures to maintain that schedule. Running still brings me joy and I chase goals that are relative to my ability now, rather than some shadow of youth.