What's a good joke to tell in the OR before anesthesia

Non-Running

5 years ago 10/18/2018 3:03pm EDT

Long story short, I am a F25-29 with some lower middle of the pack PBs, now a self-considered retired hobby jogger with a penchant for LR lurking at work. Broke my left elbow in a cycling accident (picked up cycling due to a foot injury) in late March earlier this year, displaced fracture led to surgery. Had a fracture follow up earlier in the week, was expecting hardware removal to be in March 2019 but the x-rays look good and the surgeons are down to get it done in late Nov/early Dec as "hardware irritation is consistent with those who are quite thin". With this shortened timeline, I need help coming up with something funny to say prior to anesthesia.

A friend suggested that there is no better place to crowdsource than on LR, so gang, what are some bad jokes I can tell before I go under general anesthesia?

5 years ago 10/18/2018 3:10pm EDT

re: sad.olecranon

5 years ago 10/18/2018 3:11pm EDT

re: sad.olecranon

You, to the surgeon: Doctor, will I be able to play the guitar after this operation?

Surgeon: ...I don't see why not.

You: That's weird, because I can't play the guitar now.

Or: A cucumber gets into a horrible car crash and is taken to the hospital in a coma. His parents are summoned, and the surgeon comes out to meet them. "The good news," he tells the cucumber's parents, "Is that your son will survive."

He pauses, then adds, "But the bad news...is that he'll be a vegetable."

5 years ago 10/18/2018 3:11pm EDT

re: sad.olecranon

"I hope this works better than Bill Cosby's Qualudes."

5 years ago 10/18/2018 3:39pm EDT

re: sad.olecranon

You: "So, are these appendectomies pretty routine?"

You: "Did you hear the one about the anesthesiologist with the great personality?"

Them: "No."

You: "Me either."

You: "A kid in a pirate costume went trick-or-treating. A lady opened the door and said 'Oh, you are a handsome pirate. Where are your buccaneers?' The kid replied, 'On my buckin' head.'

5 years ago 10/18/2018 3:53pm EDT

re: sad.olecranon

At my first colonoscopy before the anesthesia I told them that some people do stuff like this for fun so how bad could it be?

5 years ago 10/18/2018 4:04pm EDT

re: sad.olecranon

Low hanging fruit would be a joke about passing gas directed at the anesthesiologist.

I’m sure whatever you come up with will be humerus.

5 years ago 10/18/2018 4:17pm EDT

re: sad.olecranon

They're gonna knock you out just to pull a plate and a couple screws out of your arm? A good fat shot of lidocaine should be enough for that.

General anesthesia is more for when they have to saw through at least a couple of ribs just to get started.

5 years ago 10/18/2018 4:26pm EDT

re: sad.olecranon

sad.olecranon wrote:
Long story short, I am a F25-29 with some lower middle of the pack PBs, now a self-considered retired hobby jogger with a penchant for LR lurking at work. Broke my left elbow in a cycling accident (picked up cycling due to a foot injury) in late March earlier this year, displaced fracture led to surgery. Had a fracture follow up earlier in the week, was expecting hardware removal to be in March 2019 but the x-rays look good and the surgeons are down to get it done in late Nov/early Dec as "hardware irritation is consistent with those who are quite thin". With this shortened timeline, I need help coming up with something funny to say prior to anesthesia.
A friend suggested that there is no better place to crowdsource than on LR, so gang, what are some bad jokes I can tell before I go under general anesthesia?

A word of advice. Make sure to write using a fat sharpie, "THIS ONE" on your left arm and "NO, THE OTHER ONE" on your right arm.

5 years ago 10/18/2018 5:06pm EDT

re: sad.olecranon

If you time it right, you could do a perfect rendition of the joke from The Breakfast Club.

Bender said:
A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. The bartender says, "Guess you won't be needing a drink," and the lady says...

And at this point, the anesthesia will have kicked in and you can trail off and leave them wondering what the punchline could possibly have been.

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