Misfortunes in life rarely make us stronger.

“Misfortune”? Spitzer? Is that what at that was? Poor guy.

Norm MacDonald said “I find what doesn't kill you makes you incredibly weak.”

Ha! I love Norm...potentially greatest comedian of our generation, and most underrated.

Utah: Spitzer's personal failings, as odious and reprehensible as they may have been, derailed an extremely promising political career. It's not my place to moralize and judge, glass houses etc. I certainly do view that part of his life as a misfortune, merely going by the dictionary definition of the word.

Bruce Wayne lost his parents before he became Batman.

and Clark Kent lost his parents before he became Superman.

just saying.

100m wrote:

Ha! I love Norm...potentially greatest comedian of our generation, and most underrated.

Utah: Spitzer's personal failings, as odious and reprehensible as they may have been, derailed an extremely promising political career. It's not my place to moralize and judge, glass houses etc. I certainly do view that part of his life as a misfortune, merely going by the dictionary definition of the word.

You are not going by the definition of the word. You are doing the opposite. The root of misfortune is fortune, which has to do with luck, chance, arbitrary force, etc. Spitzer’s situation was anything but that. You could not have picked a worse example. And there are literally countless examples of misfortune in this world. WTF?

Also why would you not use judgement in life. That seems like a dangerous and foolish path.

John Utah wrote:

100m wrote:

Ha! I love Norm...potentially greatest comedian of our generation, and most underrated.

Utah: Spitzer's personal failings, as odious and reprehensible as they may have been, derailed an extremely promising political career. It's not my place to moralize and judge, glass houses etc. I certainly do view that part of his life as a misfortune, merely going by the dictionary definition of the word.

You are not going by the definition of the word. You are doing the opposite. The root of misfortune is fortune, which has to do with luck, chance, arbitrary force, etc. Spitzer’s situation was anything but that. You could not have picked a worse example. And there are literally countless examples of misfortune in this world. WTF?

Also why would you not use judgement in life. That seems like a dangerous and foolish path.

Misfortune: an unfortunate condition or event

Unfortunate: unfavorable or inauspicious

Misfortune does not require poor luck. It can simply represent something that is unfavorable to someone.

Regarding judgment, you are using straw man argumentation. I did not say I do not use judgment in everyday life. Rather, I spoke of specific context wherein I prefer to not judge others by their misfortunes, whether self-induced or otherwise.

Cheers.

100m wrote:

Ernest Hemingway said: "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." In many, if not most, cases, this is patently untrue.

A scar never retains the tensile strength of the original skin.

An athlete who has suffered grave injury, such as Derek Redmond snapping his hamstring then limping with his father, loses his career and livelihood.

Eliot Spitzer will never return to politics due to his personal failings, even though he may have been a great at what he did.

Can someone genuinely argue that the high misfortunes that befall us - specifically mortal physical or psychological injury - are actually good for us? Does everything happen for a reason, as the cliche goes?

Life seems unfair at times, it’s a matter of how much you want, can or control a situation. If when unfortunate events happen, you can either choose to learn from it or dwell on why it happened in the first place.

I am a big believer in....”everything happens for a reason when you’re able to reflect on it”.

Everything ends badly, otherwise nothing would ever end.

You seem to be limiting misfortune to examples of extreme events. People learn from their mistakes and get better. Adversity toughens a person. But nobody is going to argue that suffering a massive head injury, for example, makes your life better. That’s inane.

I'd been dating a girl the last two years. 3 weeks before deciding to break up with me, she convinced me to get a dog. We'd lived together for a year and a half. She'd been the one who brought up wanting to marry me, on several occasions. I told her I felt likewise. She walked out because she decided she doesn't accept me for who I am any more. Note this is like, she thinks I'm not an adult because I burped in front of our mutual friend, a 30 year old dude, while drinking in the woods on my birthday. While this is the most ridiculous thing in the world to me, it makes me realize people are harboring all sorts of irrational negative feelings and has totally destroyed my trust in humanity. Is this a lesson? Yes. But it's also horrible to go through. Many people who think they've found the love of their life don't have this happen. I'd much rather have been one of the many whose girlfriends are calm, accepting people who aren't harboring an uptight inner core to the point they'd leave you right after convincing you to adopt a dog with them. Many people will have to learn no such lesson. I doubt I'm better off for it.

John Utah wrote:

“Misfortune”? Spitzer? Is that what at that was? Poor guy.

Trump had the misfortune of bankruptcy several times before he became the president.

He also had the misfortune of cheating his wife.

Limited. wrote:

You seem to be limiting misfortune to examples of extreme events. People learn from their mistakes and get better. Adversity toughens a person. But nobody is going to argue that suffering a massive head injury, for example, makes your life better. That’s inane.

Kudos for an excellent response.

I tend to agree. People exposed to chronic trauma in life (especially in their youth) from violence, manipulation, sexual abuse, extreme poverty, etc. usually end up damaged with mental health consequences that will follow them their entire lives. For some people it might make them harder, more callous and violent, it might make them broken and passive, it might lead to paranoia, self medication with drugs, psychosis... Serious trauma doesn't leave you stronger, it leaves you f-ed up.

Of course that's not to say it's impossible to rise above these things and to overcome adversity, but the odds are stacked against you. TV and movies and books constantly saturate us with stories of people overcoming trauma and hardship, to the point that maybe we think its easy for anyone to do it. Yeah, it's not that easy in real life. It takes serious work and years even decades with professional help (if you can afford it) to partially overcome the baggage that some kinds of trauma can leave you with.

There’s always signs someone has some inner stuff going on. Like most men, you probably ignored them and just accepted her for who she is.

I agree. Most people don’t have the resilience to grow while they’re going through tough times. It takes a special kind of person to use tragedy as a springboard for personal development.

Most "misfortunes" in my life were me being blindsided by my own ignorance. Usually understandable ignorance, but I needed to re-prioritize and get educated to recover and reach a higher level than before.

I guess I'm "lucky" to be pretty damned resilient.

Most people I know over the age of 40 are a lot better at life than they were at 25. That seems like a statement of the obvious. A lot of that comes from basic life experience, both good and bad. I would say especially the bad, but I’m talking bad, like fired from a job bad, disappointments, failed relationships, setbacks, etc. produces increased levels of humility, perspective, patience, discipline, wisdom, discernment, etc.

John Utah wrote:

Most people I know over the age of 40 are a lot better at life than they were at 25. That seems like a statement of the obvious. A lot of that comes from basic life experience, both good and bad. I would say especially the bad, but I’m talking bad, like fired from a job bad, disappointments, failed relationships, setbacks, etc. produces increased levels of humility, perspective, patience, discipline, wisdom, discernment, etc.

Thanks for your perspective. This is my hope, as I'm ~30 and do not consider myself to be that good at life. My intention for using an example like Spitzer - whose politics I do not care much for - was in trying to foster compassion for those we may easily find to be distasteful. I do think he is quite capable (although wrong on many fronts), and his talent was frittered away for rather petty reasons.

Personally, I find specific events in my own life to have caused damage I still cannot say I have overcome. I struggle with the question of being stronger in the broken places every day.

John Utah wrote:

Most people I know over the age of 40 are a lot better at life than they were at 25. That seems like a statement of the obvious. A lot of that comes from basic life experience, both good and bad. I would say especially the bad, but I’m talking bad, like fired from a job bad, disappointments, failed relationships, setbacks, etc. produces increased levels of humility, perspective, patience, discipline, wisdom, discernment, etc.

Another good response.