Ok, so this actuly happened. Totally true. For about 5 years ago my wife and I was out taking a few drinks. It was a good time, tho my stomache felt like shit due to eating some jalapenos the day before. Its like a 50/50 chance of my stomache going apeshit after I have eaten some and I love the taste so even tho I know its not good for me I still eat them. We decided to end the night and make ourselfs home.
We took a cab and it was now my stomache decided to try and push my intestens out my anus. I meen, i did not want to poop my pants in a cab with 20 min left home so I just held it. Soldier it through.. After a couple of minutes it got better. The flood in my body settled down. Phew.. That was close. At this point we got home and my wife rushed into the toilett saying she had to pee really bad. It told her to hurry the hell up or else I would release the goo in the sink.
Oh crap.. It was back. Shiiiiit. I will not make it before my wife is done! In panic I walked all over my appartment, sweating and begging my rektum to hold tight. Apparently at this point my goddamned my decided to wash her makeup of. What the actual f uck! Babe, you need, to come out now... Palms shaking.. I am almost done! I got in replay. I started to take of my clothes and was completly naked. I jumped up the bed and stod on my all fours. Huh, that helped a bit. So I stod there and the pooman wantibg to get out stopped. I tried to release a little fart. Just a little to get some steam out. fart. Nope, dontpushmoreoryoullahityourself.com.
Still on my hands and knees in the bed I hear the door unlock to the bathroom. So I get up and rush in, alomst knockin my wife over. And I just opened up. Let it all go. And I am 100% positive I woke up the family next door. This was violent.. But damn. It was better then sex. Honestly. I ready up, jump in the shower, brush my teeth and go out hoping my wife is still awake for some sexytime.
When i got in th bedroom my wife says something that still haunts me to this day. "Why is there dirt in the bed?" And she is holding a brown pebblelike object in her hand. The light is dim so its hard to see. Oh, my, f ucking, god.. That fart I made? Yeah I guess you could figure it out. "Umm i dont know honey let me see. Holdingmyownshit.jpg. I go and throw it in the toilett, go back into the bedroom and have sexytime.