collegiate distance runner recovering from restrictive eating

First of all, anorexia is anorexia. There are no levels to reach before it becomes detrimental to your health. There are so many times people say "I wasn't anorexic/bulemic, but..." Get over the stigma. Eating disorders are very common, especially with runners. By passing it off with thoughts like "I was never severely anorexic," all that does is continue the cycle of sweeping them under the rug. Also, you need to care more about your health than your running career.

When I tired to be skinny as a young person I slipped into anorexic and bulimic behavior pretty badly. So much that I was afraid of being at race weight again even though I got back on track pretty quickly. There's that stigma, of "there he, or she, goes again".

I regret taking achieving real race weight, which is thinner than "normal" off the table completely. Since, I have learned a lot , probably also have had the personal growth not to entertain the extremes or recognize weirdness and turn away from it.

The book "Racing weight"by Matt Fitzgerald is pretty solid. I am not so sure I agree with the latest trend of worshipping "maintaining muscle mass" for distance runners, but the book is a pretty good guide for doing skinny sanely.

Do make your health first priority.

You are not alone, I graduated college last year and was a girl distance runner. I went through the same thing. I thought, well as long as I'm fueling my runs I'm fine, but would starved myself every other part of the day. I never took recovery into account and tried to eat as little as possible. I didn't think it could effect my running if I ate something before I ran, but I was so wrong. I started getting slower and slower, and it was terrible; my collegiate career was ruined because of it. Congrats on recognizing the need to change, it will be hard at first, but it will become easier. I remember the day I started to change, after I ate my normal small dinner, I said you know what I'm still hungry and ate until I was full. Then I realized what a relief it was to know that I could eat when I felt like it. After restricting for so long and finding ways to cope with the hunger and going to sleep thinking about food, and never feeling satisfied (its a miserable lifestyle), now I was free. Keep reminding yourself that you are allowed to eat, and your body is telling you to eat for a reason (it needs energy!).

-At first, you will gain weight and then over time, it will level out.

-Also, don't worry about gaining weight and it affecting your running. I gained weight, but with the added fuel, I was recovering so much better and feeling so much better! I was so surprised with the year I took off from running how fast I got into shape and how fast my times were.

-If your body is worrying about how to feed all the cells in your body, it most certainly won't be worrying about making you fast.

-The mindset takes time, but you will get there, I dealt with it for years, but now I am free, I know you can do it too! Realize that this is life and when you're staring yourself, that's not living life, and that's not what your body needs.

-Get into the habit of eating until you are full, eat meals/ snacks when you are hungry (the time on the clock doesn't matter, the clock has nothing to do with your body), eat a lot of healthy things and some unhealthy things (understand what a HAPPY balanced diet is and that eating a piece of cake and a cookie won't make you gain any weight).

-You can do this!!

I totally agree!! I struggled with restrictive eating (I'm a female too) during my sophomore year of high school- I would only allow myself to eat foods that I arbitrarily deemed "healthy" and ate only a few hundred calories at every meal, thinking that the less I ate the lighter and faster I'd feel. My strategies worked, but only for a few months and then the fatigue and slow recovery set in- every race, workout, and easy run was exhausting. I finally turned things around when I got a stress fracture during track and realized that my body wouldn't heal and feel strong again unless I fed it what it needed. Now I'm almost a senior in hs and I finally understand the importance of varying your diet and getting in the proper macronutrients- especially healthy fats! I suggest buying lots of little but calorically dense "fun" snacks that you know you'll eat: things like Lara bars, individual mixed nut packs, belvitas, etc. They are great to eat on the go and are still relatively healthy. For your main meals really focus on getting in enough carbs for energy, protein for muscle recovery, and fat to help keep you full. Don't obsess over "clean" eating 24/7- like the above post said, eating cake or cookies sometimes won't make you gain weight. Fueling your body correctly TRULY makes a difference in your training and races- I eat lots of calories now and feel energized and ready to kick butt, rather than tired and suffering through the whole thing. It's a big step to acknowledge that you have a problem with eating, but just know that there are so many others that struggle with the same issues, so you are never alone. One last little mantra for when the restrictive thoughts kick in: STRONG NOT SKINNY. A strong, healthy, nourished body can achieve INFINTELY more things than a weak, frail, exhausted one. Good luck, don't give up!!!