Why do quiet farts smell more than loud farts?

People have a sixth sense that tells them when it's better to not draw attention to their destructive capabilities.

senor flatulence wrote:

The term "silent but deadly" can be true more times then not. Do we have any gastrointestinal doctors in the house to shed some light on why quiet farts stink more than loud ones? Discuss!

This is one of the secrets that the cabal of physicians keeps a tight lid on. Think of how much revenue medical schools would lose and how much prestige would be lost if access to gnostic mysteries were available to the uninitiated

You used then and than in your post. One used correctly, one used incorrectly. Do you just throw sh!t at a wall and see what sticks?

Bonus!

YES my friend. this question has haunted mankind for ages indeed. I have done much scholorly research into the matter and come to the conclusion that sadly only the gods of gas hold the key to that mystersy

The silent ones are not diluted with the air it takes to create the sound.

It's pure gas and therefore stinkier.

I don't know about that...I've ripped some sonic booms in the locker room of the gym and literally stunk everyone out 😅. That's how I got the nickname "Stinky"...and I also have a son named "Rip."

Deaf people miss out on the double pleasure of sound and smell, so the quiet ones smell more to make up for it.

For Sunday Mass:

He who farts in church,

Must sit in his own pew.

senor flatulence wrote:

The term "silent but deadly" can be true more times then not. Do we have any gastrointestinal doctors in the house to shed some light on why quiet farts stink more than loud ones? Discuss!

This is an epic question that needs answering.

Anecdotally, I can say I have noticed this as well. My silent ones can destroy nations, while the loud ones never deliver the same olfactory destruction. Perhaps the loud ones are loud as a way of covering up their deficiencies in the stinkiness arena? Just as the loud and boastful people are often covering up weaknesses and shortcomings - the loud farts are masking a lack of potency.

Although maybe there is a chemical argument. Perhaps the gas content responsible for the stink simply cannot accumulate and be delivered in a powerful blast?

Why does science not tackle this problem?

In my research it is a very simple answer. Loud farts originate from large gas bubbles passing quickly thru the digestive track, thus not collecting the nasty poos. Silent but deadly farts progress slowly thru the intestine, collecting noxious fumes until it passes thru the spincter.

Dr. S. Farts

Proteins generate a small volume of smelly gas. Carbohydrate generates a large volume of odorless gas.

This is why beans are so deadly. They have a lot of both, and thus produce a large volume of smelly gas.

Sir,

Interting. I will have to review my research in light of your theorem.

Dr. S. Farts

asudl;iiiiiiiii wrote:

You used then and than in your post. One used correctly, one used incorrectly. Do you just throw sh!t at a wall and see what sticks?

Yep.

My theory is the conservation of energy

Total energy of fart = Energy transmitted to sound + Energy transmitted to heat + Energy transmitted to smell

If the sound part of the formula is small, the other two have to be larger to fulfill this fundamental law of physics

Billy Connelly said in a show once that he was siting in a bar in LA talking to an old guy who gave him 3 bits of advice:

1) Never trust a fart,

2) If you get an opportunity to pee, take it,

3) If get an erection, use it, even if you are by yourself.

Why wasn't this thread started earlier. I'm too drunk now to toot a good response. I do hope it lingers... until tomorrow at least.

If you don't hear them, how do you know they're even farts at all? Maybe the loud farts are the real farts, and whatever smells worse is from an unknown source.