Can I get in trouble for sending an old boss an email with a veiled threat?

Seems she is at least partially right.

The thing about threats -- veiled or otherwise -- is that they are no good unless you are willing to carry them out.

Ha just let it go man. Only miserable people hold grudges

she'll just pity you more than she does already

Dr Jung wrote:

In the arena of psychological warfare, she is Trump (winning) to your Hillary. Your whining about being the better person based on evidence is equivalent to claiming you won the popular vote (loser). You are left with thoughts dwelling on her (again, loser). She doesn't think twice about you (Winning again).

For you to be a winner, you need to let it go. Every time you think on how she screwed you, you lose. Every day you don't, you win.

If Jesus forgave the people while they were in the process of nailing him to a cross, I think you can somehow find a way to let this go.

It will hurt me for at least 4 years to know that the Trump/Clinton analogy is accurate.

To the OP, your approach is wrong. If you really want revenge, get into a position where you can HIRE her. Then you can destroy her any way you want. I assume you're another woman - this plan will work better that way.

You should have filed a lawsuit at the time. Forget about it now.

OP do it, the betch deserves it.

Are you female? Only a woman would stew like this and plot revenge. Or a crazy guy.

you are birds ofafeather wrote:

Seems she is at least partially right.

That would seem very likely.

OP say they were going through tough times.

They mention suicidal thoughts.

They complain that Boss Lady questioned their mental health.

Their work was probably suffering, which would cause Boss Lady to call them in for a chat/express concern/put in place more a more formal performance management process.

Having come out the other side of a difficult period, OP's instinct is to lash out, make threats and seek some kind of karmic revenge.

The hardest part of being a grown up at work is nearly always dealing with the shit other people bring to work. I can totally imagine a scenario where Boss Lady did exactly the right/appropriate thing which she was required to do as a manager with a challenging, poorly performing, employee.

dude, it might be that focusing on proving her wrong spurred you on to get to the better place you are in now, but now you really need to put it behind you and move on, else there's the chance you'll slip back down to the psychologically difficult place you were in before. Poor mental health doesn't just vanish when your circumstances change.

secret assassin wrote:

It really messed me up psychologically at the time because it included me being gaslighted and slandered.

Well, I learned a new word today.

gas·light

ˈɡaslīt/

verb

past tense: gaslighted; past participle: gaslighted

manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.

So, good thread.

Honestly, I think the biggest reason she tried to hard to mess up my life was that she was intimidated by me and knew I was much smarter and more competent than her.

But yet you're dumb enough to leave incriminating evidence showing malice aforethought, in the first place the authorities investigating you would look.

Just carry out the threat!!!

Man, I hate freakin amateurs...

What exactly do you want to accomplish?

If you dream of a scenario where she realizes the error of her ways, repents, apologizes, and admits that you were right and are better than her, guess what? IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. She is, at best, a narcissist, and she is incapable of shame or remorse. She will always live under the delusion that she is, and was, better than you, because without that delusion, she would have to face the crushing reality that she is just not that important at the end of the day.

If you merely want to psychologically torture her, why play your hand and threaten her with supposedly incriminating information? 9 times out of 10, threats are bluffs - the mere act of making the threat is an admission that you cannot follow through. It's like yelling at a bully that you will destroy the bully and their entire family - it will never happen, and the attempt to intimidate often backfires.

I know this doesn't satisfy your insecure need for instant revenge, but the best thing you can do is play the long-con. If you are truly as revered in your industry as you believe, I guarantee that you will cross paths with her one day. I also guarantee that she will act like you two were fast friends, and may even claim that your success is attributable to her. This is often followed up by a request for a favor. It is this request that gives you the ultimate opportunity to get your revenge.

Or, if you ever cross paths with her, simply tell her two things. One, she is just not that important. Two, you have what she will never have - happiness. She may laugh it off, but I guarantee that these statements will bother her because they are true.

It's not gaslighting if it's true, which it seems to be in this case.

Psycho-logist wrote:

Or, if you ever cross paths with her, simply tell her two things. One, she is just not that important. Two, you have what she will never have - happiness. She may laugh it off, but I guarantee that these statements will bother her because they are true.

Except it sounds like she is important to him, and that she may well be happy but he's cant let this go!

I was in a similar situation.

Someone working at a lower level was saying slanderous things about me because she was jealous of me and my position.

I was so busy working on my career, I just ignored her, and I got exactly where I wanted to be professionally..

She on the other hand, who always talked about getting married, ending up having a child out of wedlock. She is still not married.

Now that I am not that busy any more, I do think about what she said. It bothers me.

Even though it was past the statue of limitations, I got an attorney and he wrote a letter to her. I was able to itemized everything she said about me. It was many years later, but I am glad I did. It was more of a warning. I said I continued to hear these things and if I hear anything again, I will sue her.

I know what the OP is going through. It is hard to let go.

9.5/10

Great responses, but, without a reference to your PRs, can't give it a 10

Are you 85 or something? Who uses this phrase today?

suzzy qqq wrote:

She on the other hand, who always talked about getting married, ending up having a child out of wedlock. .

Jive Turqy wrote:

Are you 85 or something? Who uses this phrase today?

suzzy qqq wrote:

She on the other hand, who always talked about getting married, ending up having a child out of wedlock. .

No, I am not 85. Around here it's a big taboo when a Asian girl has a child out of wedlock.

There are studies that show that contemplating revenge can be cathartic, but carrying it out is psychologically damaging.

"He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves"

So, unless there's a big chick and little chick like in Zombieland, what it means is 'let it go.'