Did you? Are you glad you did, or do you think it was a waste of time, pointless, etc.?
Did you? Are you glad you did, or do you think it was a waste of time, pointless, etc.?
Yes-total waste of time and a distraction. Dating in HS is nothing but trouble.
I dated Rosie Palm and all five of her closest friends.
nogfrn wrote:
Did you? Are you glad you did, or do you think it was a waste of time, pointless, etc.?
It truly isn't worth it. When I dated in high school I had a lot of sex - which seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I wish I hadn't done it. I missed out on the things that would last - true friendships, memories that can't be replaced, and reaching my full academic and athletic potential.
Now I'm married and my relationship with my HS girlfriend is something I regret and wish never happened. It's true that every part of you that give to a person other than your spouse will later hurt your spouse in some way later on in life. It sucks.
Focus on your schoolwork and other activities while you can. Once you choose to settle down, you will be glad you did those things.
I wasn't ready to be married when I got married, and some of that is because I didn't give myself time to grow up on my own. I always was in a relationship that prevented me from chasing my dreams, honing in on my passions, sharpening my skills, and being my best.
I lost a ton of sleep wondering if my girlfriends were pregnant, or if they would come back to me when we broke up, or if they would cheat on me, etc. I wasn't emotionally ready for these kinds of things and they ruled my life at times.
I'm thankful that my now wife put up with me and married me because she is awesome and I was truly still a kid on the inside on our wedding day. Had I not dated so much in HS and college, I believe I may have developed into more of a man, because I wouldn't have always relied on women to take care of me prior to meeting her.
There's a long answer for your short question. My experience is that dating in HS is not a good idea.
Jesus Christ man ... he doesn't need to ruin his life just going to the movies or to some parties with some girls ... also you don't need to worry about pregnancy if you don't have sex with them.
For all we know he is 14 years old ... Lighten Up Francis!!
I'm certainly the exception but I started dating my girlfriend at 16. We just immediately clicked in a way that I can't adequately describe. After 12 years of dating we tied the knot.
newname wrote:
Jesus Christ man ... he doesn't need to ruin his life just going to the movies or to some parties with some girls ... also you don't need to worry about pregnancy if you don't have sex with them.
For all we know he is 14 years old ... Lighten Up Francis!!
I was 14 when we started dating and 15 (6 months later) when we first had sex and shit got too serious.
You seriously think kids these days care about how old they are when they get into shit with the opposite sex? The average boy has been exposed to porn by 6 years old.
Nope, but I probably could've and should've. I might've had options back in HS and college. Now I have no options.
"Oops it got too serious," I think that your experience is the exception. I started dating my hs girlfriend when I was 16 and we broke up when I was 19. I don't regret any part of it, the hanging out, the sex, or the breakup. I learned a lot, we were generally good to each other, and then I realized I didn't want to spend my life with her and we moved on.
Did I hang out less with friends than I otherwise would have? Of course. But I still spent a good chunk of time with friends and also had this other experience that I wouldn't have otherwise. One is not more important than the other. They can both be had. It is much better to learn how to be with somebody respectfully and have a balance in your life if you start when you are 16 and have no plans for marriage, children, financial decisions, etc. than to try to learn those things when you are 25 and the stakes are higher.
I don't think the OP should set out to "find a girlfriend," but a relationship in high school is normal. If he is interested in a particular girl, he shouldn't be afraid of ruining his life by dating her. If they choose to become physical, they should be respectful and not push each other's boundaries and be safe. If they choose not to be physical, that is an acceptable and personal decision as well.
Also, how does your relationship with your girlfriend in high school in any way hurt your wife now? I think you might want to examine your relationship with your wife if that is the case, that doesn't sound healthy. You or she may have some underlying issues to work out. Not flaming you, legitimately suggesting it for your benefit, because that isn't normal.
im not an elite wrote:
Also, how does your relationship with your girlfriend in high school in any way hurt your wife now? I think you might want to examine your relationship with your wife if that is the case, that doesn't sound healthy. You or she may have some underlying issues to work out. Not flaming you, legitimately suggesting it for your benefit, because that isn't normal.
Well my wife has values, one of them being saving sex for a marriage relationship. And she has a husband that didn't. Yes, she knew this well before marrying me. But that doesn't take away the fact that another woman has experienced sex with me, and that I also can recall my sexual experiences with that girlfriend. I robbed my wife of the safety of sharing that only with her.
There are permanent emotional consequences when engaging in sex, and I've found that the majority of the time, they are not postive when sex happens outside of a marriage relationship. I'm willing to put money on saying that if anyone says otherwise, they are either naive or lying, especially women.
My wife has regularly been in therapy (not for this topic, but because she's always trying to grow and become more of her authentic self), and as a result is healthy and capable of handling my past. However, she is sad that it happened and when she's really vulnerable, expresses to me that she is worried that I spend my time recalling or fantasizing about my past sex life, which was far more involved than it should have been at that age. And she's right. I do that sometimes. And that alone is hurtful for both of us.
We have a very strong relationship now, and we share anything and everything with each other.
Your experience and views, as well as your wife's, are definitely not the norm.
I dated a cheerleader. We had sex often. So, yes, it was worth it!
Yes I did. I dated several girls in HS but generally they got hotter as I moved through the years.
Although none lasted more than a few months, I don't feel any of them were a waste of time in the slightest - I still have great memories of them in fact.
To be honest, there is something wrong if you don't date during high school and have your first kiss as well as other things!
nogfrn wrote:
Did you? Are you glad you did, or do you think it was a waste of time, pointless, etc.?
I dated in high school, it was fun then, but in hindsight it was pointless, and also heartbreaking.
I did. It was fine. Just part of growing up.
OP, is someone interested in dating you?
Most people just aren't willing to admit it. I know several people who wish they had saved sex for marriage. Premarital sex has a way of complicating things. Period.
So what you are saying, between the lines, is that at age 15 you were having sex with another teen, and your now no-longer-teen-by-any-means wife is comparing herself to said teen(s) as they are manifested in your memory/fantasies?
Oops it got too serious wrote:
reader of the forums 2.0 wrote:Your experience and views, as well as your wife's, are definitely not the norm.
Most people just aren't willing to admit it. I know several people who wish they had saved sex for marriage. Premarital sex has a way of complicating things. Period.
Oops it got too serious wrote:
reader of the forums 2.0 wrote:Your experience and views, as well as your wife's, are definitely not the norm.
Most people just aren't willing to admit it. I know several people who wish they had saved sex for marriage. Premarital sex has a way of complicating things. Period.
If the average marriage only lasts two years then how if marriage that much different than dating (besides the lower tax rates).
I dated in high school. Beautiful woman. A cheerleader, but bright. I should have pursued her as a young adult. She is the only woman I have ever truly loved. I don't regret dating her at all.
Oops it got serious wrote:
newname wrote:Jesus Christ man ... he doesn't need to ruin his life just going to the movies or to some parties with some girls ... also you don't need to worry about pregnancy if you don't have sex with them.
For all we know he is 14 years old ... Lighten Up Francis!!
I was 14 when we started dating and 15 (6 months later) when we first had sex and shit got too serious.
You seriously think kids these days care about how old they are when they get into shit with the opposite sex? The average boy has been exposed to porn by 6 years old.
You are making my point for me. I don't know how old you are, but you can "go on dates" without having sex, believe it or not it is totally possible. I had sex eventually at 19 and turned it down the first 5 times it was pushed on me. There are many ways you can date girls and have romance without intercourse, I did it and most people I know did it. You just didn't find them. No matter what, most people figure out that sex at 15 is fraught with problems. But dating does not have to include intercourse.
Not sure what you mean by "getting into shit" but YES I believe it is healthier to socialize with girls AND DATE THEM (while avoiding intercourse if you need to until you feel you can handle it) rather than just avoiding having dates at all.
When would you suggest dating? When you are 25?
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