How you respond to parents pressuring you to get married and have children?

Tell them that you're gay.

Two words: "I'm gay"

You could tell them that you're gay.

Start doing drugs, gays can adopt, drug addicts can't

Tell them you addicted to gays.

I'm 29 and in the same situation. This summer 2 of my brothers got married and all the family from around the country came to both weddings. All were asking me when I was going to get married. I got that question at least 50 times throughout the summer. At the end of the summer I ended up feeling like a loser for not being married yet.

The reality is I don't want to get married. I love my single life and the freedom that comes with it. I do what I want when I want to and the thought of getting married is like a jail sentence for me. I do want to have kids though, I love kids and want to start a family soon, but I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED. Is there a way that I can have my cake and eat it too, or do I have to get married in order to have kids. Advice?

Kidnap

Alert, Alert wrote:

I love kids and want to start a family soon, but I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED. Is there a way that I can have my cake and eat it too, or do I have to get married in order to have kids. Advice?

Adopt!

Looking for some advice wrote:

I haven't told them yet but I don't plan on having children.

It is none of their business. Don't tell them anything.

Because I don't feel the need to have children I don't really care whether I get married or not. I'm 34, dating but not in a serious relationship.

What you do is your business, not their business. Keep it to yourself.

I'm starting to loathe going to family functions because the focus of conversation becomes to me getting married. I feel looked down on sometimes because I'm still single and everyone else is in a serious relationship or married.

I would probably stop going to the family functions.

Since our last family function, I've been thinking of excuses on avoiding the next family gathering. It sounds stupid when I think about it, but why should I go to these things when I end up feeling like a loser at the end of it all??

I can imagine that would be very annoying.Keep your cool and tell them that you know that they are trying to helpful but that you are very very happy with where you are right now and that you find comments like that intrusive (or annoying). If they try to follow with an explanation or further discussion, interrupt them and repeat that you really do find it annoying even though it might be well intentioned.

Looking for some advice wrote:

I don't see my parents or relatives very often these days but when I do, the topic of marriage and starting a family is one of the first things to come up. I haven't told them yet but I don't plan on having children. Because I don't feel the need to have children I don't really care whether I get married or not. I'm 34, dating but not in a serious relationship.

I'm starting to loathe going to family functions because the focus of conversation becomes to me getting married. I feel looked down on sometimes because I'm still single and everyone else is in a serious relationship or married.

I can only speak for myself, but I would tell my parents to f*** off.

Tell them to f*** off

A couple other points - prep YOUR PARENTS before a family gathering of your approach. Also talk to them about your feelings and your thoughts of avoiding gathering because of it. Explain that those comments reflect the opinion of the commenter that their life is better than yours.

At the party if after you indicate that those comments are unwarranted and the person persisits. Smile and move away.

Also remember, probably these people don't mean anything and are just making conversation so try to take it with some humor and don't get too upset.

tell them to f*** off, then tell them you're gay.

If your parents fight all the time and don't have a happy marriage, just reply, "Yeah, I need to get married soon so I don't miss out on all the happiness you guys have together."

Mr. Conundrum's suggestion is a good boundary to the obtrusive actions of others.

The personal standard of not putting yourself in such positions, precudes the necessity to keep repeating your boundaries, especially to people who are never going to respect them.

Trying to keep explaining your position to such a group would be too tiresome and stressful to bother. There is no point to going there and getting in arguments or disputes.

Your life is your life period.

The end result of a good boundary is that you would end up leaving anyway.

Mr. Conundrum wrote:

Also remember, probably these people don't mean anything and are just making conversation so try to take it with some humor and don't get too upset.

I understand where you are coming from. From my point of view, when the first question my relatives ask since our last meeting is why I'm not married yet - I start to wonder if there is something abnormal about not being married.

i don't know how many relatives you have, but you could always start with your parents/siblings - be brutally honest. word will spread. if you keep dodging the question, 20 years down the road they will be pissed that you never got around to having kids and won't understand that you never intended to in the first place. if everyone else in your family gets married and has kids, they'll expect you to do the same without even realizing they shouldn't immediately expected it. the sooner you get it out, the more understanding there will be between both sides. and if they keep badgering you about it, then you have a precedent to start ducking family gatherings.