I understand your question. I have similar questions myself.
I am not an alcoholic, but I have something else. Maybe even worse, I don't know. I am Sex and Love Addict, 1 year in recovery, and just struggling. 1-2 months of sobriety, but the magic hasn't happened yet. Relapsing all the time.
Of course I also ask myself: Why is it not working yet? Why do other people get sober more easily?
I have not had any spiritual event. Maybe I have not suffered enough yet?
I feel that I need a well-defined belief, otherwise it will not work. I can not work with beliefs of others, and I can not accept the idea of "choosing" or "making" my own higher power. Either there is a God or not, but I have not seen/felt anything specific on this issue. But I can not start believing in creating my own God and then working with it. I tried, and it fell apart. Can't work with christian God either, due to bad adolescence memories from church. I do enjoy to watch documentaries about different historical approaches to spiritualism, it makes me feel good. Maybe there is really a need in me for this, I just haven't found anything which is good for me. What works.
I do have a sponsor, I am at Step 1. Answering questions. Struggling.
Rational recovery seems to be too weak to me. But that is just my own experience. I tried similar things working with a councellor, or actually two councellors in a clinic. All the tricks and decisions, they just don't stick. All the buddhist type of mindfullness, it just does not stick. Observing myself: hasn't worked yet. I have cravings lasting many days, becoming stronger each day. At the beginning I am like in RR, knowing that it is the addictive voice. I accept the craving, but I also accept that I don't have to follow it. It is not me. But then sooner or later a time comes, when I forget all this, and the addictive voice becomes ME. And then, eventually, "I" have to act out. So far this happened all the time. Like a second personality, which always comes, no matter what. It comes back, and then it is ME.
Maybe this is powerlessness?
I would love to get feedback on my story too.