Terrible parents all over the country are complaining that with school closures, there is no one around to feed their kids.
I have come up with a revolutionary idea to solve all such problems going forward. From now on, when a baby is born, an adult..no, let's make it TWO adults just to be safe...will be assigned to each new baby. Those two adults will be responsible for clothing, feeding, and otherwise caring for the kid until, oh, let's say the age of 18. With this plan in place, no kid will go wanting because responsible adults will be looking out for them.
Oh, wait, that already exists? Great! But here's the newsflash, parents: those two adults who are supposed to be taking care of your kid, well, they're - wait for it - YOU. It's your job to take care of your kids! Well now that we're all on the same page and everyone understands their responsibilities, I expect that every kid will be fed going forward even if the lunch lady isn't around.