I think the barista is into me, what are my chances?

banana bread we need updates...

He has to post bail for the stalker arrest, first.

If she really is into you, trying taking this quiz

Pick the correct response

a) She was hoping you asked her out

b) She was hoping you would go home and get on LetsRun to ask for advice.

She hid his body in her freezer.

*gives dashing look*

“Does the contemplation of my clavichord beckon you?”

Anglo-Saxon speak.

Now, do I have to be in England or Germany for it to work?

Don’t think it works in Canada or the US.

Bra-ket wrote:

banana bread we need updates...

We need PICs, dammit?

I don't know what went wrong. I thought I had a fool proof plan. I went in knowing her favorite music(Lorde is her favorite), movies(addicted to anything with Adam Sandler in it). I saw from facebook(I didn't add her as a friend yet, just looked at profile).

I walked in wearing my headphones and went up to the counter to order. I went to take my wallet out and accidently(on purpose) made the headphones rip out of my phone so she could hear straight away what I was listening to and be impressed.

Me: Sorry, stupid headphones keep falling off. Can't hide that I'm a Lorde fan hahaha. Shame none of my friends listen to her. Would be good to go to a concert and see her with someone. How are you today Regina? (all said in a Boris Johnson voice).

Her: Hahaha no problem I'm good. Who is that supposed to be?

Other guy(prick) behind counter: Chuckling away to himself

Me: Sorry I was pretending to be Boris Johnson. Remember you said you were English last time. I know I'm not great at impressions. I should stick to being a runner.

Her: Don't worry about it. You just have to move to England and you will pick it up in no time.

Me: Hahaha maybe we will both go if you decide to return

Her: Sure sounds good. What can I get you?

Me: Can I get a matcha latte and the Tunisian orange cake?

Her: Coming right up.

Me: How is your studying going. I bet you know everything about chemistry and physics

Her: Oh good. I wish I did and I wouldn't be so busy(she looked surprised. Probably impressed that I remembered from the last day). Girls like guys who listen and pay attention

Me: This looks amazing. You make the best coffee ever. Here keep the change and get yourself something nice for Christmas(gave $20. I followed advise and didn't give a present so I thought tip was the subtle way of making her more interested).

Her: Thanks you shouldn't have. Enjoy

Me: I will enjoy. I don't want to ever leave this place.

I then sat down at a table and opened my laptop to enjoy a movie. I downloaded Punch Drunk Love the previous day. I made sure my screen faced where she worked so she could see we have so much in common.

It went downhill from here though. I thought my plan would work but I think the guy who was working behind the counter ruined it. He was laughing behind the counter(probably at me) because I could see them looking in my direction from their reflection in the window beside me. Occasionally I looked around and smiled at the girl and was hoping she would come over and be impressed by my movie taste. She was not the girl I thought she was. I think she was interested in the idiot she worked with. She was putting her hands on his shoulders and chest most of the time they talked together. Anytime he wanted to get passed her to go onto the other side of the counter he would put his hands on her hips as he moves across. I don't get why he can't just walk without touching her. The counter is wide enough for many staff. Every time they talked to each other they were laughing and joking. I wish I could hear them.

After 30 minutes the guy did come over to me to clear table(was hoping the girl would instead)

Him: Hey Boris how was your lunch?

Me: Great(I wanted to punch his smug face)

Him: Good choice. Me and Regina baked the cakes here last night. Glad you enjoy them.

Me: There wasn't any flavor in the cake though.

Him: Sorry we were exhausted when making it. Can I get you anything else instead?

Me: No I'm fine thanks

Him: Have a nice day Boris

When he went back behind the counter I could see the 2 of them talking and trying not to burst out laughing. I'm assuming it was at my expense and I lost all respect for the girl after this. I didn't want to go up and make a complaint because there were so many people around and it would be embarrassing. Instead I went into the restroom and pissed all over the seat, walls and floor took a dump on the seat and floor. I left quickly afterwards and didn't bother watching the rest of the movie. It sucks anyway. I smiled and waved as I left. They waved together and I could hear them burst out laughing before the door even closed. The only consolidation was that they would have a mess to clean and I gave a bad review online about the place about customer service and poor quality cakes.

Now I'm back to square 1. I won't go near that hole again. My soulmate will be waiting for my in 2020.

I have absolutely no idea anymore.

One thing is for sure though, troll or not, somebody dropped this guy on his head as a child.

It works as a Tragicomedy. If that's what it's meant to be then Banana Bread could write Greg's scripts for him.

If it actually happened and he really likes Regina (not an English name) then yikes, it's stalker weird n creepy.

Banana Bread wrote:

Her: You are "funny".

FIFY

They are probably doing it too. Writhing together, getting all hot and sweaty and exchanging body fluids. She's tainted. You need to find a soulmate who is super cute but not interested in fornication or even doing the deed after marriage. Maybe there are websites for this?

Banana Bread wrote:

Now I'm back to square 1. I won't go near that hole again.

whoa whoa whoa Banana Bread, I know you're upset but don't go around calling women 'holes' that's incredibly offensive.

Bdubs - tough outing but there will be others. How’s you’re running going? Any races coming up?

I wrote back on page 1 (since deleted?) that when I worked at Starbucks in graduate school we had a good looking female barista who used to flirt with the dorkiest people ever just to make us all laugh.

Sounds like you were the dork, buddy.

And you really played the part in this cringe-worthy story. I hope, for your own sake, that it's just a troll job. Otherwise you are a pretty pathetic person.

I confess, I’m tipping her, but only 15% at best.

The dude Barista read your posts here

I doubt it. I'd like to see him do a lap at my thon capable pace. I don't think he is a runner. I wish he wasn't there. If the girl was on her own things could be very different now. I'm half contemplating going back when he isn't there. He was probably talking to me to make it sound like he was with the girl to sabotage our chances so he could have her. I will just act normal and like the whole thing never happened.

You really have nothing better to do other then to write these endless terrible troll posts? Why? What exactly do you get out of this?