That being said, we recently had a tough conversation about money/finances, and it came out that she has around $100,000 in student loan debt. Her parents are supposed to be helping, but she says that hasn't happened much recently, though they did up until recently. She said her parents told her in high school to go to the best university she could get into and they would figure out how to pay for it. She is genuinely smart and went to a good out-of-state school, then went on to a master's, then pursued a PhD but ultimately left before obtaining the degree for a variety of reasons (I don't blame her). She recognizes now it was a mistake to spend so much on a BS degree, but she didn't understand/appreciate the numbers at the time given she was 17. I find this understandable and fault her parents for this.
Beyond this, her personal finance skills are not great. They're not horrible, but she does spend significantly more than she should, which I find especially problematic given her debt situation. For example, I live in a cheap apartment with a roommate, and she rents a small but very nice little house and lives alone. Her rent is more than 3X what my share of mine is. I find this irresponsible, especially because she frequently struggles just to break even each month.
So far, I have not divulged my own financial situation or helped her much. I have bought her a few things, but nothing big, nothing to indicate my financial status other than that I'm not broke, and she has not asked me to help her at all or even hinted she wants me to. Truth is though, I have lived very frugally my entire adult life and have busted my arse with work, and I have a net worth of over $100,000 between my retirement, investments, car, savings, material possessions, etc. I have built all that by living frugally and making very wise financial decisions. I am well aware most women are pretty lousy with personal finance, but I always saw myself ending up with someone with a somewhat decent job and no substantial debt, someone who could afford to pay at least some of her way for us to go on trips together, etc. If I were to continue a relationship with my gf, I would pretty much have to accept that she cannot afford to do anything but feed herself for the most part. It is unfair to us, would be unfair to our kids, and unfair even to herself.
I know at this point everyone reading this is thinking I'm stupid and that I should break up with her, but hear me out. I am 30 and have gone out with MANY women in the last 5 years. I have never had a relationship lasting more than a year due to moving several times and focusing on my schooling/career, so I had the freedom to meet lots of women over the years. This girl is better (for me) than literally any other girl I've gone out with, by a long shot relative to most. She is truly beautiful, VERY sexy, smart, genuinely appreciates me, treats me great, goes out of her way to please me, exercises, and we are very sexually compatible. She wants it just as much and just as often as I do. If it wasn't for the money situation, she'd be a near 10/10. At this point, I really don't know if I would meet another girl like her. The dating pool of women around my age is shrinking more and more, and almost all of them either a) have kids, b) have significant mental issues, and/or c) just don't fit me at all. I do feel it would be a gamble to pass her up and hope I meet someone else worth marrying in the next 8 years. Besides that, I feel like I love her. I know it's early, so I don't want to call it love, but it feels like that. I don't want to leave her at all. It is just hard for me to wrap my head around the money situation.
I'm writing here to get some input from older guys. What is your take on this? I have been pretty upset about...
TLDR: My girlfriend is near perfect for me in every way, I love her, I don't think I could find another girl like her given I haven't in the 30 years I've been alive, but she has $100,000 in debt, and I don't know what to do.