should i break up with my gf if i find myself emotionally infatuated with someone else

I think it's short-term infatuation.

If you have no glaring issues within your current long-term relationship, I would think twice about breaking up. If she doesn't make you happy or you don't see a future with her then that is a different story, however, just know that sometimes mere infatuation can feel stronger than love but it is only short-term.

ex-runner wrote:

moist wrote:

In 10 years new girl will be 30 lbs overweight and your gf will still be hot.

Who cares about 10 years?! This kid is at school or college.

Unless she is the love of his life (clearly isn't) then he will be miserable in 10 years sticking with this chick, wishing he'd ditched her and just tried it with the other girl/all the other girls on Earth.

Future OP will care when he's married to a fatty.

ArmadilloWanderer wrote:

I think it's short-term infatuation.

If you have no glaring issues within your current long-term relationship, I would think twice about breaking up. If she doesn't make you happy or you don't see a future with her then that is a different story, however, just know that sometimes mere infatuation can feel stronger than love but it is only short-term.

Soo update, it's been about a week now and the text convo and initial infatuation with this chick has kinda died down abit to a one/few sentences per text instead of sending whole paragraphs. Now I kinda don't really know what to say to rekindle the conversation. At the same time, I realize how strong this infatuation was

Older people plz respond wrote:

ArmadilloWanderer wrote:

I think it's short-term infatuation.

If you have no glaring issues within your current long-term relationship, I would think twice about breaking up. If she doesn't make you happy or you don't see a future with her then that is a different story, however, just know that sometimes mere infatuation can feel stronger than love but it is only short-term.

Soo update, it's been about a week now and the text convo and initial infatuation with this chick has kinda died down abit to a one/few sentences per text instead of sending whole paragraphs. Now I kinda don't really know what to say to rekindle the conversation. At the same time, I realize how strong this infatuation was

**and how deeply it controlled me. I'm going to end up seeing this girl every day in school this fall, more than my own girlfriend right now

Then nurturing an attraction to someone else via texting etc is probably a bad idea and many people (many women in particular) would consider it cheating. How would your girlfriend feel if she found out? Don’t be the kind of partner who swings from tree to tree, always grabbing ahold of the new one before letting go of the old. Its a crappy way to operate.

All that said you’re young. ‘Til death do us part is a really long time, especially when you’re feelings for your gf seem pretty tepid. Whatever you decide, be honest. Sneaking around will eat at you.

If you’re in a committed relationship wrote:

Then nurturing an attraction to someone else via texting etc is probably a bad idea and many people (many women in particular) would consider it cheating. How would your girlfriend feel if she found out? Don’t be the kind of partner who swings from tree to tree, always grabbing ahold of the new one before letting go of the old. Its a crappy way to operate.

All that said you’re young. ‘Til death do us part is a really long time, especially when you’re feelings for your gf seem pretty tepid. Whatever you decide, be honest. Sneaking around will eat at you.

You're right. like one of the posters said, i should let it fade off and not force it. My girlfriend shows huge amounts of affection for me whenever she is able to, and it wouldn't be fair for her. if we end up separating during the fall semester due to being apart so often, it'll happen then. but right now, there aren't really any glaring issues in our relationship - its just a long relationship, i guess, for me that a sudden new girl was exciting.

Send a dic pic. Chicks love that. If the convo is fizzling out you've got nothing to lose.

yolo

it's clear you know what you want but are too scared to go after it.

90% chance yo are breaking up with your gf in the next year, but your laziness/fear is causing you to miss out on what you really want.

....and maybe in the end you will regret it and realize that what you want is a long steady boring relationship, but sorry bud, you have to learn that the hard way, you can't just skip right to it.

If you want to spend your life with your current GF then yeah ignore everything i just said.

but in ten years you aren't going to be thinking about the long term girlfriend you eventually broke up with, it's going to be the other one that is going to eat away at you because she is going to be the one that got away.

That struck me. You might have just answered one of my oldest questions I have in the back of my mind. Why don't I feel satisfied in my past long term relationships. They're all great women, and have great looks and personalities, but after 2 or so years, I start feeling less passionate and more laziness, like I stop valuing the relationship. I'm just too young to fully comprehend deciding to settle. Maybe I do have to cut it off for my own sake.

Older people plz respond wrote:

That struck me. You might have just answered one of my oldest questions I have in the back of my mind. Why don't I feel satisfied in my past long term relationships. They're all great women, and have great looks and personalities, but after 2 or so years, I start feeling less passionate and more laziness, like I stop valuing the relationship. I'm just too young to fully comprehend deciding to settle. Maybe I do have to cut it off for my own sake.

I mean maybe you discover that she's the one after you break with here, that could happen and there's a chance you could get her back and it would be a different relationship because you would have matured.

But it really sounds like there's no chance it's heading that way as is.

If this is a recent feeling then give it time, maybe the staleness is temporary, but if it's been months then I'd take a chance on chasing happiness while i was young enough to recover from my mistakes.

It's like the stock market, you are being too risk averse for being so young. You have what 5-10 prime years left to find the one you really love and spend the rest of your life with.....why spend those years with one you are pretty sure isn't?

If you were 50 I'd say pay it safe, you have a pretty good thing. You aren't though. Take a risk, get hurt, live, learn, grow up and you'll be ready when the right one comes along.

Totally agree with “old guy here”. You’re going to break up with this girl eventually, it’s just a matter of time.

And yeah, I do think about the 2 guys who “got away”, the ones I could have started something amazing with but didn’t because I chose my current partner at that time. That relationship turned out to be a bust (I wasted 4 years), but I sometimes still fantasize about the other 2 and what life would be like if I just met them one more time... lol :)

You seem young, and I feel like you're staying with current GF "because she is nice and loves me" but not because you're in love with her, excited about her,... That's no good reason to stay with someone.

You should try new girls, see what you like as sex partners, as personalities, etc. and then eventually settle down with the one that "has it all", who's your best friend and freakin' awesome in bed (because yes, boring sex for the next 60 years, seriously ?) when you are older and more experienced.

I know too many (men and women) who wish they had experimented more while young before getting married. Usually then end up to divorce because they need to see what it's like to have sex with another woman/man. People who had sex with multiple partners before marrying don't have it as much.

If you don’t feel satisfied and are kind of bored of running when you’re at mile 6 of a marathon, are you going to give up just because you’re not feeling it? No! You’ve made the commitment and you obviously have a reason for getting through the pre-race/training phases. Does all of that not matter anymore? Reevaluate why you’re running the marathon and see if it’s worth it to complete the race all the way through. I’d hate to see you DNF every marathon you ever run.

Bcjjkcgj wrote:

This is your fault for allowing yourself to get into this situation. If you want to sleep around, that’s your choice. But once you have a gf, you have to commit to her and eliminate temptation as much as possible. You can’t avoid noticing an attractive woman now and then, but you can sure avoid talking to her or texting each other.

This is marriage/ long term relationship material but we don’t value loyalty as a society anymore. Now it’s all about...me, me, me...do whatever makes YOU happier. Eventually the novelty wears off no matter who you are with.

runtherace wrote:

If you don’t feel satisfied and are kind of bored of running when you’re at mile 6 of a marathon, are you going to give up just because you’re not feeling it? No! You’ve made the commitment and you obviously have a reason for getting through the pre-race/training phases. Does all of that not matter anymore? Reevaluate why you’re running the marathon and see if it’s worth it to complete the race all the way through. I’d hate to see you DNF every marathon you ever run.

How do you know he isnlt t the end of the mrathon? You advice is more like "once you start a race just keep running like forrest gump pst the fininsh line forever"

How exactly long is a marathon relationship in your mind?

If he took your advice he'd still be on his first girlfriend, trying to 'make it work' and seeing it through.

If I’m following the logic of most of you...it’s okay to shop around while in a committed long term relationship if you don’t feel deliriously happy...and up to a certain age? Maybe 40? 50?

No wonder we are so screwed up as a society.

This is completely baffling. This boy is NOT married with children. What do you mean stay together for the long haul?! He’s slowly losing interest in his gf, that spells BIG trouble for a relationship. I would give the same advice if I were giving this to my son: you’re not married, you’re not engaged, move on, find someone who excites you more and whom you love a hell lot more than this person before you settle down.

If you’re already bored within 2 years this is trouble.

Coffeegirl123 wrote:

This is completely baffling. This boy is NOT married with children. What do you mean stay together for the long haul?! He’s slowly losing interest in his gf, that spells BIG trouble for a relationship. I would give the same advice if I were giving this to my son: you’re not married, you’re not engaged, move on, find someone who excites you more and whom you love a hell lot more than this person before you settle down.

If you’re already bored within 2 years this is trouble.

You don’t get it. You’re teaching your son that commitments can be broken as soon as something doesn’t feel right. What’s gonna change after he is married or engaged? Now all of a sudden he has to suck it up and live with the boredom? You are teaching t

your son that emotion/interest level is the litmus test for a strong, healthy relationship.