NRR: Need a Divorce Lawyer. How Do I Know I'm Picking a Good One?

Your wife will have a better one. Not to worry, neither of you is going to end up with very much money. Might I suggest a marriage counselor, instead?

Counseling both of us should have started years ago. Partner refused then and ever since.

Last kid leaving home. It's over.

baron lasagne von teutenberg wrote:

I'm preparing for divorce and wondering how one can differentiate a bad divorce lawyer from a good one?

Assets are easily divided at this point and kids > 18yo. I've been preparing to "divide our stuff" for a while.

Sucks man my parents are divorced at least the good news is your kids are grown so their will be no custody battle.

Look up Cordell and Cordell. They specialize in representing men.

Guy I knew who got a divorce did this:

He went to the court and sat in the courtroom for 3 straight days watching divorce hearings. He watched to see which attorney was the best in the courtroom. He picked that one and did very well for himself.

It took three days of sitting there and observing, but this guy had a lot to lose and it was worth it for him.

Ask around locally. Ask questions that relate to your situation and ask enough people that you start to hear the same name(s) repeated. Some people will just refer the only attorney they know.

If you have significant assets and you are motivated to get the divorce, your wife and her attorney can bleed you for quite a while. You will be $40,000 into it with your attorney and her attorney will have a $40,000 bill waiting to be paid out of your home equity by the time they are drafting the order to split your 401k. They can then tap the brakes over some issue and let the fear of more bills set in while you reconsider their new 'fair' rate of alimony for 5 years.

18+ years married? If you are a legit poster, I would echo the above about getting counseling. However, if she is already checked out and running around it would be cheaper to suggest she leave, change the locks, send her to her boyfriend and wait until she asks for the divorce.

baron lasagne von teutenberg wrote:

I'm preparing for divorce and wondering how one can differentiate a bad divorce lawyer from a good one?

Assets are easily divided at this point and kids > 18yo. I've been preparing to "divide our stuff" for a while.

If it is not going to be contentious, you may be able to get a lawyer that both of you agree on to help with the paperwork.

If it is going to be contentious, the best you can do is ask around.

Take a look at collaborative divorce. If everyone is on the up and up about assets (i.e. no one concealing funds, spending community funds on girlfriend, etc.) and it will be a clean break, attorneys who do collaborative divorce can save you a lot of money and make the process very easy.

Also, you do not need an attorney to file for divorce. If it is not complicated, you can DIY a divorce using forms available at the courthouse.

But if there are tax issues, trusts, real property issues or anything else beyond splitting up retirement accounts and deciding who gets the beanie babies, you should have an attorney review everything.

The big thing to watch out for in divorce is that attorneys will fan the flames to generate fees. Often times, attorneys step in and everything blows up because the attorneys drive their clients to be confrontational. If your soon to be ex is going that route, you do need to defend yourself. But if neither of you are looking for a fight, you need to carefully screen attorneys to make sure they understand how you want to handle things and are not looking for a fight. The best way to screen potential attorneys is by recommendations from friends, family and coworkers. Online reviews can be padded and neighborhood forums always have people trolling for business for their relatives and friends.

Reputation. Most lawyers talk a good game when you meet them. Look for cooperation, not total victory. Going for total victory is very expensive. Feelings get hurt. In divorce trials a lot gets asked. It's painful for a long time. Judges hate pro se respondents.

Precious Roy wrote:

Take a look at collaborative divorce. If everyone is on the up and up about assets (i.e. no one concealing funds, spending community funds on girlfriend, etc.) and it will be a clean break, attorneys who do collaborative divorce can save you a lot of money and make the process very easy.

My worry is the spouse might agree to collaborative divorce, then blow it up and burn through what savings we have. Maybe this sounds weird, I would be very grateful to my spouse if that didn't happen.

Can you ask a lawyer how many hours they've billed for other divorces? Obviously, every divorce is it's own story. A place that gives me a big number isn't a place I want to be.

baron lasagne von teutenberg wrote:

Precious Roy wrote:

Take a look at collaborative divorce. If everyone is on the up and up about assets (i.e. no one concealing funds, spending community funds on girlfriend, etc.) and it will be a clean break, attorneys who do collaborative divorce can save you a lot of money and make the process very easy.

My worry is the spouse might agree to collaborative divorce, then blow it up and burn through what savings we have. Maybe this sounds weird, I would be very grateful to my spouse if that didn't happen.

Can you ask a lawyer how many hours they've billed for other divorces? Obviously, every divorce is it's own story. A place that gives me a big number isn't a place I want to be.

Read up a bit on collaborative divorce practice. If done right, it is so cheap that you really are not any worse off if you have to back out and go to court. In fact, you are often in a better position because you have identified all the issues and can get right down to it in court. Also, there have been studies showing that couples are more like to end up in a contentious divorce if they lawyer up and never discuss the issues face to face. For some reason, when an issue in divorce is communicated through counsel, it can really set people off. But when the same issue is discussed face to face in a collaborative divorce, the odds of it becoming contentious are significantly lower.

Divorce attorneys should be able to give you ball park figures. Anyone who refuses should not be trusted.

I'm a divorce lawyer - about 80% of my practice is in family law. The best and only way to find a good lawyer is by word of mouth. You know people who got divorced - ask them who their lawyer was and if they were happy. Ask lawyers who practice in different areas - criminal defense, insurance defense, personal injury, corporate - who they would recommend. Do this several times until you start to hear the same 3-4 names over and over again. Then call those lawyers and i terview them. Hire the one you feel most comfortable with.

That said - if your divorce is as straightforward as you seem be describing (and it almost never is), then almost any competent divorce lawyer can handle it adequately, and you may even be able to do it yourself. Pro Se divorce is rarely a good idea unless its a no-kids, no assets, no debt trailer park divorce, but some people do manage it okay.

Stay away from sites like AVVO. That is nothing but paid advertising - lawyers that pay the fees get higher ratings than those who use the free version of the service. Don't pick from the web based on who has the best website. It is okay to go to the state bar association - most of them have a referral service - but that referral will be based only on geography and area of practice, so just use it as a starting point.

Join SLAA, get a therapist, and renew your gym membership. You're going to need a fellowship who understands your problems and safe places to release frustration.

The lawyer will want to keep you in his office talking about emotional issues while he bills you hundreds per hour. Divorce is a math problem unless there was domestic violence, which usually swings most of the community property toward the victim. Don't let anyone, especially the lawyer, fool you into thinking that you need to provide some elaborate life story to the court. Of course, you'll want to spill your guts, which is why you're on this gorum venting, but please save that for appropriate, nurturing communities like addiction recovery rooms and therapy.

Good luck. If you go through with this, your life will change in ways that you can't imagine.