deal with it, suffer man. Not everything is about you when you have kids.
deal with it, suffer man. Not everything is about you when you have kids.
Raysism wrote:
Consider this:
I'm in my early/mid 40s, live in the Sun Belt, have a wife and two kids, and make well over $200,000 a year. And I literally have no money (for discretionary spending). Every dollar I make goes to my house, schools, food, travel, etc.
Wait, I'm confused.
You have no money for "discretionary spending" yet it sounds like you send your kids to private school and have travel costs. I'm obviously just offering an opinion of my own here, but it's hard to feel bad for someone who is complaining of having no money for discretionary spending when they are spending money on discretionary things like private schools and travel.
MeHereYouWhere?! wrote:
Raysism wrote:
Consider this:
I'm in my early/mid 40s, live in the Sun Belt, have a wife and two kids, and make well over $200,000 a year. And I literally have no money (for discretionary spending). Every dollar I make goes to my house, schools, food, travel, etc.
Wait, I'm confused.
You have no money for "discretionary spending" yet it sounds like you send your kids to private school and have travel costs. I'm obviously just offering an opinion of my own here, but it's hard to feel bad for someone who is complaining of having no money for discretionary spending when they are spending money on discretionary things like private schools and travel.
You'll understand this if you ever have a family, but your money doesn't go to yourself. That's the point here. You want to buy something fancy for yourself? You're gonna borrow that money from somewhere else, e.g. a weeklong vacation somewhere that would make your kids pretty damn excited.
I'll crack six figures for the first time this year and have a house and 2 kids. Guess how much of my income I spend solely on myself? I bought a pair of jeans last year ($50 pair of Levi's on sale at Macy's). And some running shoes. Aaaaannnnd that's about it.
Lastly, I don't think he's complaining. Many of us are happier spending all our money on our families than on ourselves.
I do not send my kids to private school. Honestly, I don't think I could afford it, even at my income level. I was referring to saving for college.
And Moist said it better than me above -- ALL of my money is my family's money. $200,000 a year isn't going to make you any happier or any more free. Yes, you can eat at a couple decent restaurants a month, but even then it's not like you're going to fancy places.
I feel for you. I really do. I feel trapped in my marriage and want out a lot. The kicker? My wife is amazing... Marriage isn't for everyone and there shouldn't be shame in that.
Why would you want to just abandon your family? I get that you aren't happy, but what kind of person (man or woman) does that? Seriously, get help. Talk to someone.
Don't DNF on your family!
Up your mileage so you're too tired to do anything, get a new hobby, learn a language.
When you're old is it really going to matter how hot your second wife was? You're 40, what else does your life need?
Be there for your family.
Raysism wrote:
I'm in my early/mid 40s, live in the Sun Belt, have a wife and two kids, and make well over $200,000 a year. And I literally have no money (for discretionary spending). Every dollar I make goes to my house, schools, food, travel, etc. My wife and I probably have to talk about every spending decision that's going to involve more than $300 or so. And that's with no alimony or child support payments!
Either you need to make your wife work a full time job, or you suck with money.
FWIW, I live in a moderately high cost of living area, never made over $100K, and never questioned any spending decision besides my house and car.
Lane lines wrote:
Raysism wrote:
I'm in my early/mid 40s, live in the Sun Belt, have a wife and two kids, and make well over $200,000 a year. And I literally have no money (for discretionary spending). Every dollar I make goes to my house, schools, food, travel, etc. My wife and I probably have to talk about every spending decision that's going to involve more than $300 or so. And that's with no alimony or child support payments!
Either you need to make your wife work a full time job, or you suck with money.
FWIW, I live in a moderately high cost of living area, never made over $100K, and never questioned any spending decision besides my house and car.
If you've never questioned any of your spending decisions, I'm not sure I'm the one who sucks with money. Also, before you feel too good about your current situation, I'd ask you this:
Do you know how much college costs?
Do you know how much car insurance costs for two teenagers?
Do you know how much three cars cost?
Do you know how much healthcare costs for a family of four?
Do you know how much savings you need to retire at a decent age?
$200,000 a year isn't going to make anyone with a family to support any less stressed or any more happy.
Raysism wrote:
Lane lines wrote:
Either you need to make your wife work a full time job, or you suck with money.
FWIW, I live in a moderately high cost of living area, never made over $100K, and never questioned any spending decision besides my house and car.
If you've never questioned any of your spending decisions, I'm not sure I'm the one who sucks with money. Also, before you feel too good about your current situation, I'd ask you this:
Do you know how much college costs?
Do you know how much car insurance costs for two teenagers?
Do you know how much three cars cost?
Do you know how much healthcare costs for a family of four?
Do you know how much savings you need to retire at a decent age?
$200,000 a year isn't going to make anyone with a family to support any less stressed or any more happy.
If your kids want to go to college, they need to either get a scholarship or take out loans. Work study and summer internships or jobs are other options if they go to an affordable state school.
Same thing with driving. If your kids want that car, they need to flip burgers if necessary and get a used clunker to start with, not a Lexus.
BTW, my wife and I will both retire before 60. She makes a bit less than I do.
1) Is the job offer an exploding offer? If you need to make a decision in the next two weeks or something like that, you need to say no. Leaving your family needs to be undertaken very very seriously, this might be your life's defining decision one way or the other.
2) I might go to hell for saying this, but if you have any reason to think your wife might be cheating on you -- odds are, she's as unhappy as you are -- and you can prove it, I'd start gathering evidence now. It'll still be awful but that opens up a path in which you end up with the kids in a new city. It'd be hard on them though.
3) If you don't want to live with your kids any more, I don't know what to tell you. That's what you signed up for, before you know it, they'll be grown.
Lane lines wrote:
Raysism wrote:
If you've never questioned any of your spending decisions, I'm not sure I'm the one who sucks with money. Also, before you feel too good about your current situation, I'd ask you this:
Do you know how much college costs?
Do you know how much car insurance costs for two teenagers?
Do you know how much three cars cost?
Do you know how much healthcare costs for a family of four?
Do you know how much savings you need to retire at a decent age?
$200,000 a year isn't going to make anyone with a family to support any less stressed or any more happy.
If your kids want to go to college, they need to either get a scholarship or take out loans. Work study and summer internships or jobs are other options if they go to an affordable state school.
Same thing with driving. If your kids want that car, they need to flip burgers if necessary and get a used clunker to start with, not a Lexus.
BTW, my wife and I will both retire before 60. She makes a bit less than I do.
You obviously don't have kids. Kids are so, so, so expensive, it would blow your mind.
No kid working a full time job is taking multiple AP classes, and no kid is getting a scholarship without straight As in AP classes.
Taking out loans for undergrad is literally the dumbest thing you can do. If you're not saving for your kids' education, you're starting them in a hole they may never get out of.
State schools are great, but they're still not cheap, even in-state. You're talking about tens of thousands of dollars to send your kid away to a good/great in-state college.
It's not the car that's expensive -- it's the insurance. A teenage boy pays over $3,500 a year in car insurance his first year.
And I'm sure you and your wife will retire early. You have no kids! That's my entire point: I'm cheap -- it's the rest of the family that is insanely expensive.
Raysism, I feel like I'm to blame for the posters "jumping all over you" that has been the recent posts on this thread. I apologize. It was not my intent at all!
MeHereYouWhere?! wrote:
Raysism wrote:
Consider this:
I'm in my early/mid 40s, live in the Sun Belt, have a wife and two kids, and make well over $200,000 a year. And I literally have no money (for discretionary spending). Every dollar I make goes to my house, schools, food, travel, etc.
Wait, I'm confused.
You have no money for "discretionary spending" yet it sounds like you send your kids to private school and have travel costs. I'm obviously just offering an opinion of my own here, but it's hard to feel bad for someone who is complaining of having no money for discretionary spending when they are spending money on discretionary things like private schools and travel.
Exactly!
$200K a year is what, top 5% of all households or something? This is like someone who claims that he's starving because food costs too much, but he refuses to eat anything besides what's offered at a high end steakhouse.
Cry me a river.
MeHereYouWhere?! wrote:
Raysism, I feel like I'm to blame for the posters "jumping all over you" that has been the recent posts on this thread. I apologize. It was not my intent at all!
No problem! I understand that people without a growing family don't really understand the total cost of that decision. I would never complain about where I am or what I make, but I also would never brag about how much money I make, because it literally goes into my bank account and then out to the many necessary expenses we have.
Leaving your family undoubtedly is a horrible financial decision. Going from $100,000 to $200,000 is a drop in the bucket compared to the decades of costs this guy would have in front of him...
Raysism wrote:
I'm in my early/mid 40s, live in the Sun Belt, have a wife and two kids, and make well over $200,000 a year. And I literally have no money (for discretionary spending). Every dollar I make goes to my house, schools, food, travel, etc. My wife and I probably have to talk about every spending decision that's going to involve more than $300 or so. And that's with no alimony or child support payments!
I agree with your end premise about staying near the kids, but also agree with the above post that you don't seem to be managing your money very well. Did you buy too much house? Too much car? We have two kids and live in Florida and make $140000 combined. We send our kids to a moderately priced private school, sock away lots of money for retirement, take a pretty big trip at least once per year (out of state usually, not out of country). We also live in a 1500 sq ft house that was pretty inexpensive and will be paid off in 5 years. We own a 12 year old car, that we intend to drive until the wheels fall off, and a paid off 3.5 year old car. There only way you have no money for discretionary spending with your income is that you have no idea how to manage yours.
Frugalista wrote:
Raysism wrote:
I'm in my early/mid 40s, live in the Sun Belt, have a wife and two kids, and make well over $200,000 a year. And I literally have no money (for discretionary spending). Every dollar I make goes to my house, schools, food, travel, etc. My wife and I probably have to talk about every spending decision that's going to involve more than $300 or so. And that's with no alimony or child support payments!
I agree with your end premise about staying near the kids, but also agree with the above post that you don't seem to be managing your money very well. Did you buy too much house? Too much car? We have two kids and live in Florida and make $140000 combined. We send our kids to a moderately priced private school, sock away lots of money for retirement, take a pretty big trip at least once per year (out of state usually, not out of country). We also live in a 1500 sq ft house that was pretty inexpensive and will be paid off in 5 years. We own a 12 year old car, that we intend to drive until the wheels fall off, and a paid off 3.5 year old car. There only way you have no money for discretionary spending with your income is that you have no idea how to manage yours.
This is insane. How could you say that when you have no idea how much money I'm putting into savings? I have two kids to put through college, and would like to retire at a decent age so I can visit them when they're older. The reason I have no discretionary spending money is that I am managing my money. THAT'S MY WHOLE POINT -- MORE INCOME DOES NOT EQUAL MORE HAPPINESS OR SPENDING MONEY (when you have a family).
I live in a bigger house, but my mortgage payment is under $2K/month. I don't drive fancy cars. Sh*t's just expensive once they turn into teenagers. Look, good colleges are $55,000 per year in tuition. (And someone with your income is just outside the range of need-based aid, FYI). It gets real. Thank god we have UF here...
How much does the ops wife make. People are assuming he will get killed with alimony but if she works he should be ok there.
You're a coward. How's that?
It would let them know that their dad values his own happiness and comfort over theirs to start.
deadbeat wrote:
The Ghost of Ann Landers wrote:
Sit down with your three kids and tell them exactly what you've posted here.
What would that accomplish?