OCD is a chore but it's nothing at all like dealing with bipolar people.
I found myself in a situation quite like the OP's, except there were no guns involved.
The plain and simple fact of it is you have to get out. I could go into great detail but there's no need. Just get out, as soon as possible. Things will not get better.
leave one of her guns and get out of town for the month
So she's been to both the North Pole and the South Pole.
Impressive. Few have ever have ever achieved that feat.
You need to protect yourself and your child. Get out. Your wife needs to work on herself while you are out. Maybe she needs to try some different medications? Does she work? If so, how does this impact her job? It sounds like you are in an abusive situation and this can have a major impact on your child. I'm so sorry you are going through this and sorry your wife has a mental illness.
Does_slapping_work wrote:
not my usual handle wrote:
In the chance that you are not trolling, and a lot of your post rings true, so I don't think you are:
I have been with a bipolar woman for six years. Not married, but we've tried living together a few times. For those that don't get it (why be with them), you don't get to choose who you fall in love with. And bipolar people can be amazing when they aren't having episodes. My girlfriend is the sweetest, most beautiful person when she is stable. However, when she is having episodes, it's like being with the devil. And the worst part about it is that it's impossible to figure out how to cope, because as soon as you think you have a plan to help them or simply deal with it, they "change the rules." It isn't like arguing or fighting with a normal person, where you can figure out what "works" to prevent it or avoid it.
I understand about the violence, the suicidal threats, and the crazy, intense public episodes. It is terrible. I don't have suggestions, but reading the book "The Buddha and the Borderline" is something she might be open to. It is written by someone who has managed to beat borderline personality disorder, which shares a lot of the problems with the type of bipolar disorder you seem to describe. It is important that she knows the problem.
One thing we've done that *sometimes* helps is that when you are having a "good" period, talk about coming up with a pre-determined specific sentence she can remember that is letting her know it is happening. Something you can make her remember, and then you say it when it's happening. I'm not sure I'm explaining it right, but I hope you get the drift. If you come up with the "trigger" sentence when you are having a particularly warm, close moment, it can sometimes bring her back to that warm moment when you say it again - "Remember when we said this, and you promised you would remember?" And on occasion, it works and can break the episode. But not always.
Serious question
Does slapping work?
I ask because Sean Connery being interviewed by Barbara Walters said he slapped women. That some women like it.
If you slap. Will she stop?
If you slap 10 times will she stop? Eeh?
Also, I ask because I grew up rough, I mean real rough, like physical pain, hunger pains, neglect and no body was there, no responsible adult was there. All my friends had parents.
I then ran into people with anxiety problems and I thought, what the.
I then knew people that would not work, what the.
I knew people that claimed depression, what the.
These privileged people claiming problems.
What the
I think mate, if you cater to manipulators they will take advantage.
95% of mental illness is drug or alcohol induced, if that’s not present then I think they are corrupted from childhood, the rod was spared (spanking not given), but definitely that behavior is not Fruit of the Spirit (so it’s unchristian and probably demonic).
Do Bi-Polar people go to Church, commit their life to Christ and do they read the bible, at least, 3 times per week?
The only bi-polar girl I heard about was atheist and entitled from a rich family.
Galatians 5:22-23New International Version (NIV)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
People who say that you should get out AND protect the child are fooling themselves.
Assuming you file for divorce, as long as she hasn't killed anyone, there is no way that you will be able to prevent the mother from obtaining primary custody of the child. This means the child will live with her and you will have visitation rights. Every jurisdiction in the good ole USA assumes that if you have a shlong then you are incapable of raising your own child if the child's mother is still living outside of prison.
So, good luck with that!
Been there done that... wrote:
People who say that you should get out AND protect the child are fooling themselves.
Assuming you file for divorce, as long as she hasn't killed anyone, there is no way that you will be able to prevent the mother from obtaining primary custody of the child. This means the child will live with her and you will have visitation rights. Every jurisdiction in the good ole USA assumes that if you have a shlong then you are incapable of raising your own child if the child's mother is still living outside of prison.
So, good luck with that!
Reason wins
Finally!
A man finally shows up
Thanks for the replies, especially from those with experience dealing with similar situations.
I said “my child” because my wife is my child’s step-mom.
My wife saw another doctor yesterday who has adjusted the meds. He said she will feel better in 1-2 weeks.
My daughter and I left the house. She refuses to go back. I don’t blame her. She’s been called a bicth, whore, freak and accused of having sex with me. She’s 16. Almost straight A’s. She has never said a disrespectful word to my wife. She goes to school, works, and stays in her room.
My ex wife (mother of my daughter) has never been much of a mother. I have custody of our daughter. Her mom works midnights, and she won’t let her stay there. Any excuse she can find to keep from being a mom will suffice.
Any way, my daughter won’t go back. She fears for her safety. There’s a deep anger/jealously issue with my wife, and medicine isn’t going to change that. She’s also what I call mentally abusive. I’ll leace to get away from her when she’s violent. She will try to face time me with a gun pointed at her head. Saying if I don’t agree to come home, I’m going to watch her blow her head off. She’s done the same thing with threatening to bang herself. Among other things.
My wife is begging us to come back. She says she’s going to get better. My daughter refuses and said she’s calling CPS if she has to,and will go to foster care before she goes back. I can’t blame her.
Like another poster said about his gf, my wife is really great when she’s not having an episode. We get along so well, we have had married couples tell us we have given them hope that their marriage can be good.
Anywah, I’m in the middle. My daughter refuses to retuen to that environment. I guess the best solution is to just stay away for a while and see how my wife adjusts.
This isn’t trolling. My goodness I wish it were. The fact that some of you think I am trolling, is more evidence of how bad things really am, and I probably should just quit trying. But, love runs deep when it’s real, and I hate to see her suffer
She may be schizophrenic.
oh my god you are the biggest doormat. your daughter is more of man than you are. not only that, but when your daughter moves out, you're gonna go right back into that abusive relationship and it's going to cost you your relationship with your daughter. I am amazed that someone as pitiful as yourself exists.
maffeboner wrote:
oh my god you are the biggest doormat. your daughter is more of man than you are. not only that, but when your daughter moves out, you're gonna go right back into that abusive relationship and it's going to cost you your relationship with your daughter. I am amazed that someone as pitiful as yourself exists.
+1
Stressed wrote:
My wife is begging us to come back. She says she’s going to get better. My daughter refuses and said she’s calling CPS if she has to,and will go to foster care before she goes back. I can’t blame her.
Like another poster said about his gf, my wife is really great when she’s not having an episode. We get along so well, we have had married couples tell us we have given them hope that their marriage can be good.
Anyway, I’m in the middle. My daughter refuses to return to that environment. I guess the best solution is to just stay away for a while and see how my wife adjusts.
I totally agree with your daughter, and likewise understand how you feel. However, I disagree that meds provide any solution at all, and in fact they prolong the insanity. The ONLY way to resolve this is to stay away for awhile, and for you to PERSONALLY work on the relationship with your wife, while concurrently being 100 percent supportive of your daughter and her wishes.
You need to stay away from your wife for at least 6 months, which she and both of you work on your relationship from afar. During this time you need to be a 100 percent father to your daughter, while schedule some times to work with your wife, which you do by setting your boundaries hard, and greatly raising your standards.
Do some study with boundaries and standards, then work on these with your wife. Any time she is violating your boundaries, which include your daughters, then the consequences get more and more severe, which means you stay away longer and stop communicating with her, until and unless and makes it totally right again. You should get much better at this as you practice. Include your daughter in what you are doing, and do NOT try to get her to meet with your wife, not at least for 6 months, and your wife has shown 100 percent consistent improvement, and has resolved her issues with you, your daughter, and herself.
Forget the meds. Good counseling could help but that's rare and hard to find. The best chance you have of working this out and helping her, regardless of what happens, are by doing the above.
One Of Those wrote:
OCD is a chore but it's nothing at all like dealing with bipolar people.
I found myself in a situation quite like the OP's, except there were no guns involved.
The plain and simple fact of it is you have to get out. I could go into great detail but there's no need. Just get out, as soon as possible. Things will not get better.
Does she live in Boulder?
you're a fool for even considering putting this woman ahead of your daughter. now that you've disclosed that she's not even the biologic mother of the child, you just seem pathetic.
Who a man marries says a lot about the person. You married one woman who has abandoned her daughter and now another woman who has severe mental issues and is violent and abusive. The only reason this may not be a troll is that it would make sense that a guy like you (a complete and total loser) would turn to LRC for advice in a very serious situation with an obvious answer (yet not know what to do). I feel sorry for your daughter. I hope eventually she gets very far away from you, your ex and your current wife, she deserves better. None of you have the ability to parent. There is only one victim here.
Stop taking her guns away.
On the chance this is not a troll attempt. You need to get (additional) professional help ASAP. I don't think I've seen this, but what is the situation with her family (parents, siblings)? Has this condition been going on before you met her, or is it a recent development? As another poster said, talk to a divorce lawyer--not because you are considering divorce (or anulment), but you need to know what your options are. In a worst case scenario, you may need to have her declared mentally incompetent (or something similar) and institutionalized and find a way to dissolve the union. In the short term, you need to work with her doctor to find ways to improve her situation (if that's possible). Until she gets stable, I don't know how much good marriage counseling would do, but that's another idea worth exploring. If it's not improving (and it hasn't), then you'll need to find a way to get you and your daughter out of there for your own safety. Good luck.
Stressed wrote:
Thanks for the replies, especially from those with experience dealing with similar situations.
I said “my child” because my wife is my child’s step-mom. ...
...Any way, my daughter won’t go back. She fears for her safety. There’s a deep anger/jealously issue with my wife, and medicine isn’t going to change that. She’s also what I call mentally abusive. I’ll leace to get away from her when she’s violent. She will try to face time me with a gun pointed at her head. Saying if I don’t agree to come home, I’m going to watch her blow her head off. She’s done the same thing with threatening to bang herself. Among other things. ...
...This isn’t trolling. My goodness I wish it were. The fact that some of you think I am trolling, is more evidence of how bad things really am, and I probably should just quit trying. But, love runs deep when it’s real, and I hate to see her suffer
She tries to Face Time you and threatens to bang herself, eh?
Ooooh dodge it wrote:
One Of Those wrote:
OCD is a chore but it's nothing at all like dealing with bipolar people.
I found myself in a situation quite like the OP's, except there were no guns involved.
The plain and simple fact of it is you have to get out. I could go into great detail but there's no need. Just get out, as soon as possible. Things will not get better.
Does she live in Boulder?
Colorado Springs
Stressed wrote:Any way, my daughter won’t go back. She fears for her safety.
And you'd rather put your child in a dangerous situation.
She should call CPS on both of you. Not kidding.
I'm not sure why I need to remind anyone their first priority is a child's safety and well-being.