Do not give cash. If their car dies, but them a new (used) one. If they are trying to buy a house help them pick on they can afford and pay the down payment. If they are really struggling you could buy a second house yourself and let them live in it for free, but then the value of that house would have to be subtracted from the 4-way divide in the will.
The ugly American wrote:
elite hacker wrote:
Where do they live? Buy them a simple 250-500K starter home to take the burden of rent off them. Now if homes start at 1 million in their neighborhood, that might not be feasible.
Have you ever been out of California? In 90% of the country a $500K home would have three BDRM/ 3 baths and a great ROOM and a 2-car attached garage, two stories and a finished basement.
I live in an MTSA of 450,000 in a capital city, BIG 10 city, and you can get a very nice home (if it is 2 of you) for $200K.
Um, if he/she is in California why would they move to a sh!thole state in the midwest even if the taxes are lower and the houses are cheaper? Those states have to have lower costs of living in order to have anyone live there because they are sh!tholes. The only states that are worse are southern states--which are all YUGE sh!tholes.
Yes - I was also surprised by the low net worth (even with kids) at that level of gross income.
Jim the Janitor wrote:
It would be a mistake to give them a stipend every year. They would begin to depend on it and get upset if you didn’t do it every year. It would also cause strife among the siblings who might have other ideas about how you should divy up your money. You would be better off paying for a family vacation every year at some nice resort. Also, treat them to dinner at a fancy restaurant once and a while. These things will improve their quality of life without making them dependent on you.
This is unequivocally the dumbest idea I have heard today or any other day to help your kids out. Just flushing money down the toilet on something that has no long-lasting effect. $600 dinner out? Also, the word is "once in a while".
I would try to get at what would help each child individually. I.E. one of them may advance in their career with a masters degree, perhaps support them while they finish one? This can significantly increase your earning and job satisfaction, as you probably know.
One of them may not want to work in a corporate setting, may want to start their own business? At various times I started and ran a landscaping business, a running store, and a bike store. All of those can be attained much more easily with a $50,000 loan or gift. Selected properly, they keep on paying for years.
For the one that is struggling, might improve if you talk to him directly about the mental health issues? Just having more money or more financial security can improve those problems, but not necessarily. If his problems are bona fide mental problems, it is not likely that any amount of money will improve that. Unless he doesn't make enough to see a therapist or manage medication or along those lines, MORE money won't change that. Have a personal talk with him about what HE THINKS would improve his life. You are successful and should be able to sort through whether it will likely improve matters and whether it is something you and your wife could contribute towards.
Five kids in my family and 4 went to college and are successful (more or less). My youngest brother was given the most and his college was paid for (the others was not), yet he left 2 different schools and after 3 years quit, and never went back. At age 30 I told him he could live with me for free and I would be willing to pay for his college if he wanted to "finish up". He never took me up on it, and he works in a legal research job in Chicago. He will never make big money but he is content with his life and does not want to own a house or get out of the city. For him, more money would just buy him more drinks and more nights out to listen to music, whereas a college degree would put his life on a different path, he DOES NOT want it though.
From your post it seems you put money and material things at the top.
If I was the successful child in this situation I would be resentful if my parents gave a bunch of money to my loser sibling. I could use an extra 15k a year too. Private school is expensive.
el salvador wrote:
Wife and I raised 4 kids together, 2 turned out great, 1 is so-so and 1 struggling big time with money and mental health issues.
We made 300k+ per year for most years of their lives, so they wanted for nothing. 2 of the 4 make under 50k well into their 30s. It's heartbreaking to see them struggle financially and know they can't start a family with the same standard of living they enjoyed growing up.
Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I feel somewhat obligated to help them out. My wife and I are worth about $3-4 million (home equity included) but we have simple lives. I feel like an extra $10,000 / year could make a world of difference in their lives. What to do?
Hello Mr. El Salvador
Are you from El Salvador?
Just give your $3 million dollar to the people of El Salvador and continue to hate Donald Trump.
Troll you
1.3/10
el salvador wrote:
Wife and I raised 4 kids together, 2 turned out great, 1 is so-so and 1 struggling big time with money and mental health issues.
We made 300k+ per year for most years of their lives, so they wanted for nothing. 2 of the 4 make under 50k well into their 30s. It's heartbreaking to see them struggle financially and know they can't start a family with the same standard of living they enjoyed growing up.
Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I feel somewhat obligated to help them out. My wife and I are worth about $3-4 million (home equity included) but we have simple lives. I feel like an extra $10,000 / year could make a world of difference in their lives. What to do?
When you troll, you troll hard. Well done, you hit the financially privileged, free loading millennials, snowflake Parents... you got it all. 9/10.
Things could get real ugly if you give one kid more than another. Try to make things equal, even though they all have different lives.
Jose el Plomero wrote:
If you prop them up, they will never learn to survive on their own.
Everyone knows you chronic mental illness is the individual's fault. They did it to themselves. Mental illness is an excuse weak people use.
3 mil in the bank wrote:That said, I also won't be raising head cases who can't fend for themselves either.
The kid cries about something... WALK IT OFF JANE!!!
The kid keeps crying... WALK IT OFF!!!
You need some parenting lessons.
Why is this even a question?
This is why the rich stay rich, and is the reason why they have blood money. Money is the family's blood line for them. It's blood that flows through everyone.
If there is money to help, and to allow your kids to be greater or live better than you, then help. That is the goal, and should be the goal. The future should be better than the past, and your kids should do the same thing in the future with their kids.
That is what separates wealthy families from regular families. Regular families view it in the sense of: I raised you for 18 years, now go off on your own, which leads to individual disparity and pressure, and the separation of family and wealth.
Most wealthy families protect their own, regardless of how crazy or insane their offsprings are. This is why they get away with murder, legal issues, etc. The goal is to keep the family together and to have HEIRS. If the offspings are not taken care of, there will be no HEIRS to keep the MONEY and WEALTH in the family.
That is how you should view it. You don't need approval or some type of viewpoint to do what is in your power to do, regardless of what the so called status quo is.
I find it odd, and quite strange when parents talk about their kids in a negative light, or put them down in front of other people . The mighty wealthy will not do that. They will talk highly of their most irresponsible child, and protect him or her at all cost.
THE MONEY MUST STAY WITHIN THE FAMILY.....
el salvador wrote:
Wife and I raised 4 kids together, 2 turned out great, 1 is so-so and 1 struggling big time with money and mental health issues.
We made 300k+ per year for most years of their lives, so they wanted for nothing. 2 of the 4 make under 50k well into their 30s. It's heartbreaking to see them struggle financially and know they can't start a family with the same standard of living they enjoyed growing up.
Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I feel somewhat obligated to help them out. My wife and I are worth about $3-4 million (home equity included) but we have simple lives. I feel like an extra $10,000 / year could make a world of difference in their lives. What to do?
That is a great post that many of us can relate to. My oldest is doing extremely well and obviously needs no help. But my youngest has just started a 1/2 way decent job. I am comfortable so why should I not help. My wife is more of the mind we should treat both kids the same.
So far, I only help in little ways. I have been giving our used cars to her. I might have her pay some token fee on the next car. I take care much of the costs of autorepairs. I am used to taking care of her car so this is natural thing. I figure that I want her to have good transportation, with great snow tires, so I don't have to worry.
I always treat when we got out, but I do that with both families. My youngest isn't married yet. That's pretty much it. I could comfortably do muchmore. I don't.
pop_pop!_v2.2.1 wrote:
3 mil in the bank wrote:That said, I also won't be raising head cases who can't fend for themselves either.
The kid cries about something... WALK IT OFF JANE!!!
The kid keeps crying... WALK IT OFF!!!
You need some parenting lessons.
Somebody has daddy (or mommy?) issues.
Such an interesting question. My parents paid for half of my college and never gave me any money other than tuition (which is a big one admittedly) but paid for my sisters’ college because they knew I was lot more industrious than both of them. I got a job where I make probably 3 times more than both of my sisters. My parents still pay for their cellphones bills, car bills and gasoline even though my parents really can’t afford it.
I always grew up know I’d get nothing but people from my school would already know they were getting trusts by the time they were in high school. Some were very arrogant but others I actually think it made them better people bc they were really laid back and not obsessed with the corporate rat race.
I don’t think it’s wrong to give your struggling kids money - you can’t bring it with you with when you die. I also don’t really resent my parents for giving my sisters money even though I get none.
When I was starting out on my own, my parents sometimes loaned me money to help me get through a tough patch. The money was paid back. They did the same for my siblings up until my parents passed away. At that time, the balances of any outstanding loans were deducted from each siblings' inheritance. In the end, we were all treated the same financially.
Scorpion_runner wrote:
Why is this even a question?
This is why the rich stay rich, and is the reason why they have blood money. Money is the family's blood line for them. It's blood that flows through everyone.
If there is money to help, and to allow your kids to be greater or live better than you, then help. That is the goal, and should be the goal. The future should be better than the past, and your kids should do the same thing in the future with their kids.
That is what separates wealthy families from regular families. Regular families view it in the sense of: I raised you for 18 years, now go off on your own, which leads to individual disparity and pressure, and the separation of family and wealth.
Most wealthy families protect their own, regardless of how crazy or insane their offsprings are. This is why they get away with murder, legal issues, etc. The goal is to keep the family together and to have HEIRS. If the offspings are not taken care of, there will be no HEIRS to keep the MONEY and WEALTH in the family.
That is how you should view it. You don't need approval or some type of viewpoint to do what is in your power to do, regardless of what the so called status quo is.
I find it odd, and quite strange when parents talk about their kids in a negative light, or put them down in front of other people . The mighty wealthy will not do that. They will talk highly of their most irresponsible child, and protect him or her at all cost.
THE MONEY MUST STAY WITHIN THE FAMILY.....
This post belongs in the "Gangsters aren't what they used to be" thread.
I left home at 18 and made my way in the world without my parents' help, but either the times have changed or my situation as a parent is different. One of my adult sons is doing well on his own, but it still seems natural and right to help him with all sorts of expenses big and small. Another adult son is really struggling and it just would seem wrong to not give him all the help, financial and otherwise, that he needs.
One thing you might try is letting your wife be the go-between between you and your children. Let her propose gifts and be the recipient of their requests for help. It just works better that way for us and might for you, too.
Be generous, and don't make it a big issue. You worked hard and saved your money just so you can help out in situations like this.
My 35 year old son still lives at home. My wife cooks his dinner and washes his laundry. I pay fir his cable tv and WiFi.
Andre wrote:
Yes - I was also surprised by the low net worth (even with kids) at that level of gross income.
Do you speak from experience — saved more from the same or less income?