Help me win over a girl

Do NOT approach a woman without your lawyer present.

mancoach wrote:

...instead just sneak stuff into the conversation. Example: she says, "I'm going to see my parents this weekend." You say, "I'm not sure if I'm ready to meet your parents, we haven't even had sex yet."

OP - Don't say that. She will probably sue you for harassment. Never mind the fact that it is one of the most un-smooth lines I've ever read.

The men who have responded think you should move on.

The woman who responded thinks that its a great idea for you to continue to follow this girl around like a puppy.

You don't need her to meet other girls.

There's no reason to think that the woman who responded means to give you bad advice, but it is bad advice. Here's what she doesn't agree with, AT ALL:

Never waste your time on a girl who is not interested in you.

So, go ahead and follow her advice and do waste your time on a girl who is not interested in you. See how that works out.

You are right about the trustworthy part, but wrong about everything else. And the trust factor for most girls can be as simple as knowing someone who knows him. Friendship is not needed. Girls just want to make sure the guy is not a creep. The rest is based on attraction.

There is no way he will meet more girls while spending all his time with this girl and waiting for that to happen. He will meet more girls by going out and putting in the effort to meet new girls with his guy friends.

I'm not saying a guy can't be friends with a girl or that having girl friends can't be useful. I'm saying that a guy should not be anything more than casual, see-you-at-party friends with a girl that he is into.

Senator Clay Davis wrote:

OP - Don't say that. She will probably sue you for harassment.

I feel sorry for you if you think sexual innuendo is harassment. As long as you give proper build up and you don't start a conversation with a stranger that way it won't be taken as harassment. You should really try it sometime. It works.

Senator Clay Davis wrote:

Long Dong Silver wrote:

Sounds like you two should go for a run, wear short shorts and let the dong fall out and flap in the wind a little bit. Let her see what she's missing

I stand corrected. THIS is the most logical answer you will ever receive on Let's Run.

Sheeeeeeeeeeit

mancoach wrote:

You are right about the trustworthy part, but wrong about everything else. And the trust factor for most girls can be as simple as knowing someone who knows him. Friendship is not needed. Girls just want to make sure the guy is not a creep. The rest is based on attraction.

There is no way he will meet more girls while spending all his time with this girl and waiting for that to happen. He will meet more girls by going out and putting in the effort to meet new girls with his guy friends.

I'm not saying a guy can't be friends with a girl or that having girl friends can't be useful. I'm saying that a guy should not be anything more than casual, see-you-at-party friends with a girl that he is into.

I actually agree with this.

What I should have said is: If you enjoy her company and are okay with a friendship, then there are benefits to having female friends around.

I (possibly mistakenly) assumed from your post, OP, that you enjoyed spending time with her as well, outside of simply dating.

However, if you are only interested in her to date, then yes, I do agree with these gentlemen. Move on and don't wait around.

I'm going to take a contrary approach by saying you have a real chance, provided you act maturely and don't pine for her affections. The fact that you two started hanging out - even as 'friends' - after you clearly showed a romantic interest in her indicates to me that she may be - consciously or not - considering you in some sense. I also believe she is seeing someone, but it sounds like a rather aloof, perhaps long-distance, relationship which she may be stuck with. This may be the reason you two are spending more time together. If you like her company, keep seeing her on friendly terms, expecting nothing. It seems like she's a nice person overall, so you have nothing to lose. Additionally, she will probably get very jealous and possessive once you meet her friends and engage in light, innocuous banter with them. Just remember: expect nothing, and you will be rewarded.

I think this is essentially the correct approach. Maintain the friendship, expect nothing more, do NOT act desperate/needy/ lacking confidence around her, and focus your efforts elsewhere. It is unlikely, but there is a chance romance could blossom down the line.

I also agree with this. The fact you guys are spending so much time together after you asked her out to dinner I think is a good sign. If she wasn’t interested, she would have probably withdrawn for a period of time. Also, I think that if you really are “head over heals” for her at some point you need to be honest with her about your feelings. In my opinion, you’ve got nothing to lose. Life will go on either way....

The longer you wait the more likely you’ll forever stay in the friend zone. Honesty is the best policy. Just keep trying to spend time with her and if it’s meant to be, it will be. Be supportive, honest and find the right time to tell her how you feel.

I would find a guy even more attractive if he was honest rather than lurking in fear of not going for it. There’s something unattractive when someone is passive about their emotions about a person they really do care for.

Any updates on the guy who was invited to Thanksgiving diner by his old girlfriend?

RunnerGirl99 wrote:

I would find a guy even more attractive if he was honest rather than lurking in fear of not going for it. There’s something unattractive when someone is passive about their emotions about a person they really do care for.

This right here is exactly what a functional woman wants. Be honest, be direct no drama so she's not put in an awkward spot, no secret crush and when talking respect her.

It's not easy, and needs practice.

Zylo wrote:how to become a high status guy.

But, that's not who you are. Again, you are looking at this wrong.

The goal is to learn how to communicate with women to honestly and truthfully earn their trust and genuinely enjoy their company. No social media distraction, no games just listening and paying attention. Learning how to pay attention like this is not easy and kind of counter-intuitive to many men.

Again, it's a skill. As long as you are 100% honest and can learn how to communicate better with women, you'll do great.

Finally, you ARE a running geek, not a high status guy. Own who you are and never apologize for NOT being something you aren't. Dressing well when not running and have a sense of humor about your running geek status. It works.

insummary wrote:

Never waste your time on a girl who is not interested in you.

Obviously, you aren't going to be best friends with everyone. Thinking about women like this doesn't end well for anyone.

pop_pop!_v2.2.1 wrote:

insummary wrote:

Never waste your time on a girl who is not interested in you.

Obviously, you aren't going to be best friends with everyone. Thinking about women like this doesn't end well for anyone.

Context is key here. The OP's request is to help him win over a girl.

It is not are male/female friendships possible and beneficial? (Yes and yes.) And besides, the advice wasn't mine although I agree with it in the context it was given.

It seems like a statement that is hard to disagree with but both women who considered it think that it is a good use of a guy's time to spend it on a girl who isn't interested in him. Why should he spend time on a girl who isn't interested in him? Again, he specifically is asking about how to establish a romantic relationship with a girl.

The OP is asking...how do I get this girl? I'm sure from a girl's (especially a 22 year old) perspective being surrounded by male friends who are not so secretly pining for her is all good, but it is a really low percentage play for the guy to get a girlfriend.

It's like that mostly bad movie a few years back He's Just Not That Into You. What makes the "he was the perfect guy who was right before her eyes but she didn't see him...until..." story so entertaining is that it is the exception.

Friendships where one side is pining for the other are not equal friendships. By all means, the OP should get himself some female friends but he should have no illusions that it is a likely path to something more. And everyone who thinks he can be friends with this girl without expectation or hope of more is kidding themselves.

OP, listen and listen well (to above link). Seriously. It’s medicine. Doesn’t taste good, but take it. I’ve been there, way too often.

Not a fan of the video's language or some of the specific advice, but in general the guy is right.

OP, listen to the video and listen to the caller laughing as though he is in on the joke. He's not. He is the joke.

The blunt advice is given by people (including me) who are on your side. Anything not kind of harsh gives you hope and that is not helpful to you because you are desperately reading for hopeful advice. Even your statement that she said she is seeing someone and she didn't say she had a bf as though that was a hopeful sign.

It's not. It's no and please don't ask me again.

Don't know why you find yourself still in school at 27 but here's some good news. Once you get out of school you have lots of opportunities to ask women out and they'll either say yes and you'll go out or they'll say no and you'll never see them again. It is very liberating as you will learn not to take it personal if they say no.

Good luck.

Next time you talk to her, ask her is she is interested in hanging out with your friend, Dee, sometime

She'll probably respond "Who?"

And that's when you come in with "Deez Nuts!!"

mancoach wrote:

Senator Clay Davis wrote:

OP - Don't say that. She will probably sue you for harassment.

I feel sorry for you if you think sexual innuendo is harassment. As long as you give proper build up and you don't start a conversation with a stranger that way it won't be taken as harassment. You should really try it sometime. It works.

I feel sorry for you that you can't take a joke. You should really try it sometime. It works.