not married, no kids. feel like I dodged a bullet

Huh. We waited 6 years to have kids (we now have two). We now have relations more frequently, and it's better, than before we had kids.

Agree, though, that the OP probably shouldn't have kids.

Tayken wrote:

At some point in life, one partner will pass away before the other and we all end up being alone anyway.

Jokes on you, my parents died together in a terrible household accident! HA!

;-(

east coast wrote:

half of my married friends are getting divorced or separated. the few couples I know with kids are generally miserable (without saying it, but you can tell). I guess kids could be great and parenting could be great but you never know until you're in it, right? Lots of people are just not cut out for parenting and shouldn't bother.

Anyway, even though being single is hard at time (being lonely especially), I look at my married with kids brethren and can only surmise that I took the right path.

in order to dodge a bullet, someone needs to fire the gun...

theJeff wrote:

Doclove wrote:

So if Megan Fox asked you to move in with her and bang her every day you'd turn her down?

That isn’t marriage.

So would marrying her and getting a few million if it went wrong put him off?

The point is of the right offer came any person would be all over it

World is overpopulated, deforestation, strip-mining, industrial slaughterhouses. Anyone that doesn't reproduce is contributing more to the world by taking less. Maybe if you're a farmer in Ethopia it's alright, but the $100+k life with the 45 minute commute and the carbon footprint the size of world history circa 400ce to 1400ce....

The animals thankyou and please continue the sterility.

Speaking as a parent, there is nothing better than raising kids. It's difficult, but all worthwhile things are. There is nothing better than watching your kids excel at sports, academics, etc. You get to re-experience all of those things you did once before from a different perspective. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed being single, but I am enjoying being a parent just as much, if not more. Now that my kids are a little older, it is even better, because now I can do a lot of those things I used to do and share them with my kids (climbing mountains, playing sports, fishing, etc.). My kids are turning into great people and there is hope for the next generation. Just as my parents sacrificed part of themselves to cultivate my life, I am repaying that blessing by doing the same for my children and it is paying back in spades. For what it's worth, I haven't known a single older individual that did a good job of parenting that didn't love being a parent, grandparent, great grandparent, etc.

nope.. wrote:

in order to dodge a bullet, someone needs to fire the gun...

Post of the day.

/thread

east coast wrote:

half of my married friends are getting divorced or separated. the few couples I know with kids are generally miserable (without saying it, but you can tell). I guess kids could be great and parenting could be great but you never know until you're in it, right? Lots of people are just not cut out for parenting and shouldn't bother. Anyway, even though being single is hard at time (being lonely especially), I look at my married with kids brethren and can only surmise that I took the right path.

I felt this way until late in my 60's, and much more so in my 70's.

My spouse passed away but we weren't married and had no kids.

What I miss the most now besides her is having no kids and grand kids.

Turd head. If half are divorced the half aren't.

Changing perspectives wrote:

east coast wrote:

half of my married friends are getting divorced or separated. the few couples I know with kids are generally miserable (without saying it, but you can tell). I guess kids could be great and parenting could be great but you never know until you're in it, right? Lots of people are just not cut out for parenting and shouldn't bother. Anyway, even though being single is hard at time (being lonely especially), I look at my married with kids brethren and can only surmise that I took the right path.

I felt this way until late in my 60's, and much more so in my 70's.

My spouse passed away but we weren't married and had no kids.

What I miss the most now besides her is having no kids and grand kids.

Have you considered volunteering for a kid's running program? You might find a good connection through the running community.

You hang with generally miserable people and are posting a thread about how you're single and lonely yet you dodged a bullet. You probably would have ended up with a generally miserable partner in a generally miserable marriage so you did make the right choice.

My wife and I experienced PNSO because my d*ck is too big and sex was painful (also waited for marriage, so no premarital experience). We worked in some toys to loosen things up and now the PNSO is over. Long over. If we're not bangin' 4-5 times/week, it means she's pregnant.

True story.

500k to raise a kid to 18?

No thanks rather be lonely with 2 mil in the bank. That pays for a lot of tail

Been married for a few years now, 8 months ago I had twins, moved from a city to the burbs, and life changed quick. This will be brutally honest.

From birth, 2 weeks in the NICU, to 5 months I thought I made a mistake. I felt like an awful parent, who was on the verge of losing his cool all the time. Now and then the kids would smile and I would be happy, but that was rare. The kids didn't sleep, I had no idea why they were crying, my wife and I weren't getting a long (first time ever) and money was disappearing. Day care was almost $2500 a month, diapers and formula were another$600 and then we had all the little things also piling on . It didn't help that my work was suffering and I wasn't happy there either. Then one day it all changed.

I came home and my kids weren't slugs that cried for no reason anymore. They were little people with personalities who were so happy to see me. My wife and I had a heart to heart and we changed things. I agreed to help out a lot more at home and travel less for work. I made work 2nd for the first time ever. I stopped caring about money. We do ok. I won't retire at 50 anymore and more than likely won't run a fortune 500 company now. That is ok, it is my choice. I love these damn kids. We waited to have children and are lucky to live where we live and make what we make. If I work till 60 so be it. If my next car isn't a "luxury" car, F it. The calm and happiness I get being around my family is amazing.

Having a family is tough, free time is gone, and those 4 days a week at the bars are done. Tuesday night isn't eating at a top 50 restaurant in town anymore. It is throwing some premade food in the oven while you get your kids to bed by 7pm. I don't miss the other life, because this life is better. I hate traveling without the kids now and may need to take a pay cut so I don't have to. I'm lucky to be where I am with an amazing family.

You may have dodged a bullet, this isn't for everyone. I wish I had started sooner.

I can understand feeling like having kids is a big burden. In many ways it is. In the US, our society is not at all family friendly. States have starved education budgets so that college tuition has doubled and then some. Many local public schools are falling apart and pricey private school is the only option. Most well paying jobs expect you to be in the office day and night and leave little time to be with your kids. When you do manage a week off to go on vacation, it almost feels like it is over before it started because you know how long it will be until you get to spend quality time with your kids. And before you know it, your kids are teenagers and want nothing to do with you. I think attitudes on raising a family would be much different if we were back to how things were economically in the 50s and 60s where people could afford to have one parent stay at home, public schools were great, very middle class people could afford a cabin in the mountains and took 4 week vacations in the summer to really get to know their kids. Everyone was home from work in time for dinner and saw the kids off to school in the morning before heading off to work.

But you only get one time around in life. I never wanted kids or marriage. But I found myself in a great relationship and ended up having kids just around 40. Life is pretty long. There is plenty of time for going to bars and restaurants, but very little time for teaching your kid to throw a football or playing Star Wars Legos (for hours and hours).

Half your age plus 7.

I'm trading out girlfriends every 7 years.

Ain't no way in hell im banging a 70 year old when I'm 70. She'll be 42

Married with kids is like being a distance runner. It makes life harder, but more satisfying.

Sounds like the right choice for you.

The caveat, there is a trend towards lonliness being cited as a health risk as people age. For example, lonely people overeat, self medicate, drink more etc.

Embrace community friends family for your own good.

I am a dad, I chose it. It ain't easy! I'm an artist (as well as a runner). Artists need time to work. Lots of it. Kids take time - LOTS OF IT! But no regrets, I did choose this path. I will say, I waited until 44 to become a parent. Had to set myself up first, career, house, etc.

Good luck to you.

Hdjdkdjd wrote:

Half your age plus 7.

I'm trading out girlfriends every 7 years.

Ain't no way in hell im banging a 70 year old when I'm 70. She'll be 42

You won't have the same sex drive when you get older and then being with someone you love is a lot more important.