Wife says I should gladly let her eat food off my plate without asking first. Is she right?

Ever hear of sharing? Are you an only child? You get a dish you want, you wife gets what she wants, then you share both dishes so you have 2 different meals to sample. Then it's back home for a nice pegging.

pics?

No, she's wrong. Eating off each other's plates is just fine, but ask first. Basic courtesy. Maybe you'd like the chance to appreciate the plating, for example. Or just sit, say a prayer, and inhale. She's trampling on all that.

Next time she does this, smile and say, "Here's what we're going to do." Pick up her plate with one hand, yours with the other, and trade. Say, "Have all you'd like, honey. I'll do the same with yours. We'll switch back after a while."

If she complains, say, "Wait a minute. I thought you said that intimate people eat off each other's plates. Are you afraid of REAL intimacy?"

Then, when she calms down, have the conversation.

Choose your battles. Is that really the battlefield on which you choose to fight?

The other thing you could do for the next year or so, actually, is allow her to order first and then order exactly the same thing. Or--which would frustrate her--you order first, then let her order, then say, "That sounds so good, I'll think I'll have exactly the same thing."

Just always order the same thing as her when you go out to a restaurant. Do it for a year. That will reduce the inflammation. Then you can address the underlying illness.

Just wow... wrote:

she gave me the silent treatment the rest of the night.... That's when she finally explained to me, in quite angry terms, how she views my attitude on this.

Is this a true story? Your wife thinks she can take your food without asking and before you even try it - and worse - knowing that this upsets you - keeps doing it anyway?

There are some foods, like fries, that she can take without asking, but for everything else it's just rude, even to a spouse. But knowing something upsets you and she keeps doing it, that's a whole other level of just wrong. Is your wife hateful in other ways or is it just this?

You shouldn't have taken the soup, that was also just going to antagonize her, but after 25 years she gives you the silent treatment? It's all a bit juvenile, you'd think you'd be past this point in your relationship.

get down clown wrote:

Get a divorce. No I am not kidding. Your wife is shaming you instead of respecting how you feel about her actions. She is the tormentor and nothing good will come of staying with this bitch.

this post actually made me laugh out loud with how over the top it seems at first read. but after letting it sink in and reading other replies, i'm actually inclined to agree.

Just wow... wrote:

Because I took her out to dinner last night, hoping for a nice evening out, and it came up again. It just never goes away. She didn't actually take food off my plate last night but it just came up in our conversation so I jokingly took her croc of soup from in front of her and started eating out of it to give her an exaggerated example of what she does, and she gave me the silent treatment the rest of the night until we got into the car. That's when she finally explained to me, in quite angry terms, how she views my attitude on this.

That's freaking hilarious. Sounds like something I'd do, but wouldn't wait 25 years to do it.

i think it's cute when women do that

if i like her I'll give her anything

pretzel man wrote:

If that bothers you your marriage will never make it.

If you enter a marriage, thinking there won't be any little things that bother you so much because of how in love you are... your marriage will never make it.

You sound selfish.

Get over it.

I'm sure there is a very long list of annoying shit you do.

I'd f***ing hate that if my gf did the same. She wouldn't though cause thats rude as hell. Everytime she does it just instantly reach over and take twice the anount she took from you, take the best looking bites too.

I don't blame you. If she asked, sure, no problem. But to just reach over and grab is rude. I couldn't careless if someone samples some of my dinner. But for Christ sake, at least be polite and ask.

You are on exactly the same wavelength as me on this. True story?

Absolutely! Not trolling one bit here. I have to admit, even when she started at my fries (which I don't eat anymore) when they first were served without asking first bugged me a little (just a little).

And yeah, there are other things. Little things, I guess, like turning the TV on in the middle of the night while I'm trying to sleep. She's cut down on that but it really would piss me off. I'd tell her nicely in the beginning but eventually started telling her it was rude as crap and to watch downstairs if she had to. There's stuff she is chronically angry about and she doesn't let go of things easily. She's critical about a lot of things I do that are my normal way of doing things, and I of her. Our marriage, as you could imagine, is far from perfect but we've stuck it out and things have actually improved a lot over the years.

KudzuRunner wrote:

The other thing you could do for the next year or so, actually, is allow her to order first and then order exactly the same thing. Or--which would frustrate her--you order first, then let her order, then say, "That sounds so good, I'll think I'll have exactly the same thing."

Just always order the same thing as her when you go out to a restaurant. Do it for a year. That will reduce the inflammation. Then you can address the underlying illness.

All interesting thoughts, and I appreciate that. I honestly don't think it would work. I'm really at the point where I just accept it as the way it is with her (as Free Advice suggested), but I was in a rare mood last night.

the behaviour described by op is widespread among women and shows their incapability to make decisions. dont let her eat of your plate. it might seem like a small thing but it arises from deep psychological issues.

The replies on this are just incredible.

Yes, it is absolutely ridiculous that this bothers you. Completely, outrageously, ridiculous. She is totally right to be upset that this is something that bothers you.

You sound like a complete piece of shit.

I honestly don't know how to construct an argument that would get through to you, though, because anyone who would be bothered by her behavior is just someone I can't connect with on any level. Wow.

Just wow... wrote:

We'll get served at a restaurant, for example, and before I take my first bite of food or she tries hers, she'll reach over the table with her fork and snag a hunk of food off my plate. No, "oh, that looks good, can I try that honey?". It irritates me, and she knows it and gets very angry at my for this, as if I'm the bad guy here. She says this is what people who are intimate with each other do, and it's a sign that I'm selfish and I lack in that capacity. Seriously???

You need to reply:

"Honey, you know I love you, but if you keep packing on the pounds, not even unfettered access to anal sex will make me want to have sex with you."

"I know our relationship is built upon a foundation of honesty, so I am just going to put this out there: I already want to bang my secretary more than you."

She seems like a total slut, and I respect you so much that I want to make this a threesome, but the truth is, darling, you need to drop 15 lbs. to make that happen."

"So please know that I love you more than the day I married you, but seriously, get your freakin' fork out of my dinner."

No need to thank me...

the letter why wrote:

The replies on this are just incredible.

Yes, it is absolutely ridiculous

I know! 37 responses in and no Joey Friends reference!